David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“Oh wow…” Mike whispered softly.

“Shhhhh,” Tawny said. “Now listen with your essence. With your soul as you would say at home.”

“But…” Mike started to protest about her use of the word home.

“Shhhhhhhhhhh,” she insisted. “Feel it?”

Mike sat there with his eyes closed and the crutch of his translator silenced. The music was just as beautiful as the first time he had heard it. But now, in the language that it had been written, it took on a magical feel. The words shifted and blended together in his mind. They played in the deepest reaches of his being and massaged his spirit. They were soft, and beautiful. He felt like he could see the color of the words as they mixed together with the sweetness of the music. He felt as though he could actually taste the beautiful essence of song rolling across his tongue. He couldn’t have described what the feeling was if a gun was held to his head, but he wanted to hold it. He wanted to hold this very microsecond of his life right where it was. To feel this for the rest of his life, no matter if he died in the next ten seconds or lived for another hundred years, what he was feeling right now.

He wanted to hold onto this, and hold Tawny. He wanted it all, and he wanted it forever. He knew that he was acting just like a junkie that knew he was going to have to kick the drug, but had convinced himself that there was a way he could continue to have it forever. That pumping that sweet concoction into his veins really wasn’t going to hurt anybody, and everything was going to be just fine.

And just like that junkie, the specter of reality was skulking around in his mind, reminding him that everything he was thinking, and everything he thought he was going to do, was all bullshit. Eventually reality was going to smack him right in the face. But he was certain, just like a junkie is, that if he did everything just right, he would be able to hold on to everything he wanted. To hold onto everything he needed and lived for.

Mike opened his eyes and looked at Tawny. She was smiling back at him.

“Oh man,” Mike whispered breathlessly.

“Right?” Tawny said.

“That was amazing,” Mike said “no, it was more than that. It was…”

“Yeah,” she said. “I know. We all know .”

Mike only knew one thing. He was in love for the very first time in his life. There was absolutely no question in his mind. The woman that he was going to spend the rest of his life with was sitting right in front of him.

“They have nothing like that on earth,” Mike said. “Some people think they do… but they don’t.”

“I know,” Tawny said. “Out of everything I do know from there, that’s the one thing that I’ve never been able to understand. Everything is a conflict. Movies and books are all about conflict. No matter if it’s a book about a battle in history, or about a love between two people, or even if it’s a comedy. It’s all conflict.”

“Not disco,” Mike offered, smiling.

“You’re right about that one,” Tawny said “Boogie nights, dancing queen, funky town. That was all about dancing and having a great time.”

“You know,” she continued, “we all thought that when you went through that phase, things might actually start turning around.”

She shrugged, “I guess we were wrong about that one. But you certainly got some great music from that time.”

“Did you actually spend time on earth?” Mike asked.

“Sure,” she said “Some of us, like Bob, were just greeters on the ship when we brought aboard subjects. But some of us were specially trained to actually spend time on the surface so we could personally observe how people interacted with each other. Of course, we also gathered news and entertainment media so we could study it on the ship and at home.”

“You mean that right now there’s people from here walking around with the people of earth?” Mike asked amazed.

“Possibly, it’s the only real way we can understand what’s happening there. Of course, it’s pretty dangerous, and there have been incidents. But it’s what needs to be done with the responsibility we have.”

“Incidents like what?” Mike asked.

“Some people have been killed or injured pretty bad,” Tawny said looking away. “It’s hard to live around people that never really allow what they really think or feel come to the surface in front of others when you have no frame of reference for that.”

Instantly a deep anger rose inside of Mike. He felt it rise up out of the depths of his consciousness like a medieval dragon rising from a fiery pit of unpunished wrongs, spreading its huge leathery wings of hate, nostrils flaring in indignance, and eyes on fire gleaming full of a yearning for retribution. Flames of self-righteous indignation spewed forth from a mouth that glistened with gleaming white, spike like teethe. He hated the ignorant earthlings for murdering the gentle people of Aragon. Someone was going to have to pay for that. Every single inhabitant of that blue shithole was lucky that he would never be back, because the vengeance he would deal out in the name of slain Avalon brethren would be swift and terrible.

“That’s terrible,” Mike said. “I don’t understand why you ever go back. Hell, I can’t even understand why you don’t obliterate the entire place.”

“I think you can understand that last part,” she said.

“Yeah I do… but still…”

“The situation on Earth is entirely of our own making Mike,” Tawny said, “so it’s only right that we try to fix it. We have an obligation that can’t be ignored. You don’t kill a snake for acting like a snake.”

“I get that,” Mike said. “It just seems so futile.”

“Maybe it is. But that doesn’t alleviate our responsibility.”

“By the way,” Mike said, “what is the literal translation of the name of this place?”

“Oh,” she said, “It’s Hale.”

The way she pronounced it, it sounded like Ha-lay.

“Of course, it is,” Mike said.

He smiled, tilted his head back and rubbed his face. He felt if he rubbed hard enough he could wear off the humiliating filth of earth. He relaxed in the realization that he was finally home and had found perfection in the woman that was sitting beside him now.

“Wow,” said Tawny. “That was deep.”

“What’s that?” Mike said.

“That look you just had on your face,”

“I’m just tired and deeply satisfied all at the same time,” he said. “I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’d like to say it’s so refreshing. But really, it’s deeper than that.”

“There really is nothing keeping you from having this at home Mike,” She said softly.

“I know,” Mike said. “Just like I know that humanity will do everything it can to insure nothing like this ever happens on that planet. Then they write songs and books about how nice it would be if we could all just get along.”

“I’m sure you can at least start to fix that,” she said as she put her hand on Mikes leg.

“I get the impression,” Mike said changing the subject, “that relationships here are different than they are on Earth.”

“Yes, they are,” Tawny said, “quite a bit different. Historically people on Earth have had quite a broad idea of how relationships were supposed to work. The biggest problem that there’s been with relationships, is that people try to all agree on what’s an acceptable way for people to act who care about each other.”

“And you think there isn’t a single acceptable way?” Mike asked.

“Of course not,” Tawny laughed.

That laugh was what Mike imagined it sounded like when the gates of heaven opened to allow your soul to enter and spend the rest of eternity in bliss.