David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“There isn’t one acceptable way,” Tawny said “to use a fork, or eat peas, or tell a joke. Or to make love.”

She stopped and shot a glance at Mike that made him sure being slammed into by a runaway train would have felt like a pillow fight in comparison. He looked away embarrassed.

She smiled.

“There are as many acceptable ways of doing things as there are people. The only thing that stands in the way of something being acceptable is the chance that what you’re doing will hurt another person.”

“But in the case of relationships,” Mike said, “what happens if a person loves another one, but the one they love either doesn’t feel the same way, or falls out of love with them?”

“The issue that humans have with this concept on Earth,” Tawny said “is that if you’re in a relationship with someone, then you feel as though you own a part of them.”

“I don’t think that’s always a fair statement,” Mike said. “People fall in and out of love all the time and no one feels slighted because they think they’ve lost what was theirs.”

“Don’t they?”

“No, I don’t think they do.”

“The phrases are all pretty much the same,” She said. “My man, my woman, my family, my kids, my house, my car, and so on. Let’s say you love someone on Earth and that person loves you as well. Then you find out they were also in love with another person. How would you feel about that?”

“I’d be hurt,” Mike said.

“Of course you would,” Tawny said “But have you ever wondered why? Her love for you shouldn’t have been affected by the love she might feel for someone else. Can’t a woman love her husband and her children at the same time and not lose any of the love she feels for a single member of that family?”

“Sure,” Mike said, “but that’s not the same thing.”

“Why isn’t it?” Twany said. “Because sex was involved?”

“Well, yeah,” Mike said.

“So if you were involved in a sexual relationship with a woman on Earth, a committed relationship, and you found out that she was going out dancing with someone else, would that be ok?”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Mike said uncomfortably.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because it’s only a matter of time before something sexual happens.”

“And that’s the thing you use to draw the line then?” She asked, “Sex?”

“Yes,” Mike said. “I think that’s true. What is more intimate between two people than sharing each other’s bodies,” Mike could have been more uncomfortable, but he really wasn’t sure how.

“I can think of quite a number of things that would rank right up there in the intimacy department,” Tawny said. “For example, the death of a loved one, or the birth of a child. Sharing some adventure or music.”

“But if you really care about someone,” Mike said “wouldn’t you want to share things like that with them for the rest of your life?”

“Well, sometimes ‘the rest of our lives’ is a lot longer than we planned on. We change in ways we didn’t plan. Besides, sharing something with someone certainly isn’t diminished if that person shares something important with someone else. If fact, sometimes things are actually made more important, or special, or beautiful, when they are shared with more than one person. Including sex.”

“That’s a long way for my Earth mind to travel,” Mike said. “But I guess I can see the merit to the things you’re saying. I just have to wrap my head around it a little tighter.”

“How much time did you spend on Earth?” Mike asked in a wild psychological swing aimed at changing the subject.

“Quite a lot actually,” Tawny said. “At one point I stayed there when my ship left, and I waited till the next one came.”

“How long was that?” Mike asked surprised.

“Almost 5 years,” Tawny said. “The prospect scared me a little at first, and the crew was absolutely against it. But I kept after them and eventually they acquiesced. It was kind of the same way you talked them into your being here right now.”

She tilted her head and smiled at Mike. “I guess we have something in common.”

“Yeah,” Mike said smiling back in pure adoration, “I guess we do.”

“Were you in the United States when you were there?” He asked. “It must have been since you speak English so well.”

“No,” Tawny said “But that’s an interesting question since I speak with an Australian accent. I actually speak 7 languages fluently and have a rudimentary understanding of 5 others. It’s kind of a hobby of mine.”

“Wow,” Mike said, “that’s some hobby.”

“It made my job on Earth quite a bit easier,” She said. “I spent that 5 years in Southeast Asia. Mostly Cambodia. Have you ever been there?”

“No I haven’t,” Mike said “The Vietnam war ended just before I was born, and there seems to still be a stigma about traveling around that part of the world for most Americans. Why did you pick there?”

“We had picked up a few people from that area, and some of the things we learned made us pretty sure that the Cambodian people had a philosophy of life, that could be a great starting point for what it would take to change the self-destructive course Earth seems to be on.”

“Where were you in the country?” Mike asked “And what did you do to get by?”

“I started in Phnom Penh,” She said. “At first, I worked in one restaurant or another, mostly washing dishes. It was pretty touch-and-go for a little while. Life in a country like that can be a little dicey for a woman on her own. But we made sure I had more than enough Riel, the Cambodian currency, to fend for myself. And after all, quality of life and security is pretty much based on what you can afford.”

“Where’d you get the money from in the first place?”

“We produced it on the ship.”

“You counterfeited local currency?”

“It wasn’t really counterfeiting in the truest sense of the word,” Tawny said. “I guess a better word would have been ‘reproduced’, or ‘replicated’. It’s pretty complicated and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be interested in the process.”

“Not right this minute,” Mike said. He was totally captivated by her story.

“Any way,” I had all the documentation to travel around the country as much as I wanted and the jobs were simply a way to assimilate myself into the culture. The fact that I’m nearly the same color as the natives there help immensely. That seems to be universally important to humans.”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “it seems to be.”

“Do you know anything about Saloth Sar?” Tawny asked.

“No. Is that a person?”

“After a fashion,” Tawny said. Her face grew a little dark. “You probably know him by the other name he took. Pol Pot.”

“Him I’ve heard of,” Mike said. “A real nut from what I remember.”

“See Mike, that’s one of the things that amazes me about Earth in general, and the United States specifically. Pol Pot was responsible for the horrific murder of almost 3 million of the people in his country. This happened just 2 years before you were born, and almost no one in your country knows what happened or what your government’s involvement in the tragedy was.”

“Honestly,” Mike said, “I had no idea the US was implicated at all.”

“The United States backed a coup in 1970 and installed a sympathetic ruler. The Communist government wanted their own ruler in power, and a horrible civil war broke out in 1970. See, two governments wanted control over an area so they could use it to their best interests, as they fought to control another country. Just like we talked about in the interview.”

“It seemed to me you didn’t understand how that worked when we talked,” Mike said.