David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“Do you miss it now?” Mike asked.

“I do,” she said. “But my life is here. It’s always better to remember the good parts of your life and move on. How else can you continue to grow?”

“Mike,” Tawny said, “this has really been a pleasure. But I’m afraid that I’m going to have to get back now.”

“Oh,” Mike said surprised. He had lost all sense of time and had no idea how long they had been sitting there. “Of course. I’m sorry I’ve kept you so long.”

“Oh please,” She said taking his hand into hers, “don’t apologize. This has been lovely, really. I enjoy talking to you, you’re an excellent listener.”

“Can we do it again sometime?” Mike asked as he squeezed her hand a little. “I’d really like to see you again.”

“Of course,” Twany said happily. “I’d really like that. I have something to show you that I think you might really like. Can I pick you up at your place tomorrow?”

“That would be great!” Mike said.

Mike and Tawny sat across from each other on the tram. Mike hadn’t slept much the night before. He had been way too keyed up anticipating the time when he would get to see Tawny again.

“Where are we off to?” Mike asked.

“Oh,” Tawny said smiling, “I think that will be better off left as a secret. If I told you, you’d be disappointed because you’d relate it to the same thing on earth. And this is definitely not the same thing.”

“Okay,” Mike said. “I leave my immediate future in your capable hands.”

“I promise you won’t regret it,” She said.

“I really don’t mean to be forward here,” Mike said “but how is someone like you not spoken for.”

Tawny did a horrible job of suppressing a laugh, and Mike was instantly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry Mike,” She said. “I don’t mean to laugh at your expense. It’s just the colloquialisms. ‘Spoken for.’ What makes you think I’m not ‘spoken for’?”

“I’m sorry,” Mike said, “I didn’t mean to assume. You don’t have on a ring, and you never speak of any other kind of personal relationship.”

“Mike, you have to understand by now that a ring is an earthly custom. And it should make complete sense, especially after our last conversation, that there is absolutely nothing here that relates to that.”

“I get that,” Mike said “and I don’t mean to pry, but you did say that some people here stay together for life, and that some people live together for a time. I’m just surprised that no one has been able to offer you what it takes to stay with them. I mean, you’re about everything a man could ever want in a partner.”

“Why Mike,” Tawny said in mock shyness “I do believe you’re making me blush.”

Mike just smiled at her.

“Of course, I’ve had relationships with others,” she said, “just like everyone else here has. And before you bend something in your mind, trying to figure out how to ask the question politely, of course I’ve had relationships with both men and women.”

Mike was swimming deep in a pool of mixed feelings and emotions now without the aid of a floatation device. He was exhilarated, shocked, disappointed, and encouraged all at once. Tawny sensed Mike’s dilemma.

“Mike, there is nothing here that equates to Earth relationships. I tried to explain that to you before. There is no such thing here as homo- or heterosexuality. There is no title of straight, gay, lesbian, transgender, queer, transsexual… nothing. I would guess it wouldn’t be far off the mark to assume that nearly everyone here has had physical relationships with both the same and opposite sex.

“Sometimes those sexual encounters are just for that one time, and sometimes they’re lasting. The chances of people being hurt are slim because of everyone’s dedication to honesty. If you go into a situation confident that all cards are on the table then you really have to work pretty hard to be hurt by something you didn’t see coming.”

“I see that,” Mike said, “and it makes sense. But I don’t have anything relatable in my mind. I’m trying hard to change that.”

“I can see that you are,” she said.

“What about children?” Mike asked. “Obviously there have to be children here. Although honestly, I don’t remember seeing any. Have you found a way around children? Do you just start out at 21 and move on from there?”

“Actually, we start out at 18,” Tawny said, “the learning curve from there is pretty impressive.”

Mike just stared at her wide-eyed.

“I’m kidding,” she said, as she patted Mike on the knee.

Mike exhaled a breath he had been holding in anticipation. That concept would have been way too far out there, had it been real.

“We realize that this planet can only sustain so many people. Especially when we don’t kill each other in wars, or as a penalty. And we have excellent healthcare, and cutting edge medical technology that would amaze you.”

“I’m sure it would,” Mike said.

“So having children is kind of a community thing,” she said. “You don’t really have to be an actual parent to raise children. Just look at all of the stepparents in your own country. Most of them love their stepchildren just as much as they love the ones that actually carry around their DNA chain. Of course some don’t, but then I’m sure that you’ll agree that some biological parents have no business being allowed around children at all.”

“I certainly know that’s true,” Mike said. “So what about children here?”

“If two people decide that they want to have children they check the allotment schedule for their area.”

“Allotment schedule?” Mike was surprised

“Yes,” Tawny said. “There’s a schedule posted for every area we have here. There are spaces that open up due to a death or change in conditions in that area. Maybe some people relocate to another area or whatever. The people that want to have a child put their name on the list. It’s kind of first come first served.”

“Just like that?” Mike asked. “No license, or blood test or genetic testing or whatever?”

“No,” Tawny said. “If two people have already had a child they know that it would be wrong, and selfish to put their name up on the list again so that is never a concern. And as far as blood or genetic testing, there really is no point.”

“Why do you say that?” Mike asked.

“Because we’ve perfected gene and embryo manipulation. We can ensure that every pregnancy will go to full term, and end in the birth of a healthy baby.”

“Isn’t that like playing God?” Mike wanted to shove the words right straight back into his pie-hole, even as they were escaping.

“Really?” Tawny said.

“Yeah, that was kind of a stupid comment,” Mike said.

“So, what about you?” Mike said. “Never felt the need to be a mother?”

“Oh,” Tawny said, “but I am.”

“You have a child?” Mike asked. He wanted to throw up, then he wanted to shoot himself in the face, then he wanted to shoot himself in the face while he was throwing up. The girl of his dreams had been spoken for. No wait, that didn’t exist here, did it. He still had a chance. Maybe she had a child that was at home with the baby-sitter all the time and she wasn’t still with… whatever it might have been she was with. Some sort of husband, or partner, or something. Jesus, he was so instantly confused.

“Yes,” she said smiling at Mike warmly. “I have a son. His name is Axel and he’s three years old now.”

“A three-year-old boy?” Mike said. “Where is he? Does he live with you? Who’s the father? Is he still involved?”

“Where is he actually answers the question you had earlier, about where are all of the children,” She said. “Children stay with their mother here until they’re 2. Naturally the father is involved, but then everyone is involved in raising our children. It takes a village, you know.”