David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“A lot of people were killed, displaced, and had their lives destroyed in that short war and they felt as though it was actually an extension of the crusades from 1000 years before.”

“Why would they think that?”

“Because the majority of the people attacking the country were Christians and the majority of the people being attacked were Muslims… just like before. Many of these people developed a deep-seated hatred for Christians and vowed vengeance. So a group of them plotted a scheme to steal airliners full of people and fly those airplanes into huge buildings in one of the most populated areas in my country.”

Tawny was wide eyed. “Were they successful?”

“I’m afraid they were,” Mike said “thousands of people were killed. Instantly my country began to plan vengeance, but it was hard to decide who was to pay for what had been done. The people that stole they aircraft died in the crashes, and no one knew who the people were that planned the attack. In the past, wars were easy.”

Tawny raised her eye brows.

“I mean that one country had wronged another country in some way, so to get even you waged war with that country. In this case the attack had been made by an ideal. The group that took credit for it was a radical Muslim group. People weren’t comfortable with waging war on a religion. So we did the only thing that we historically knew to do.”

“What was that?”

“We attacked a country,” Mike said. “Well, two countries actually, that we felt had ties to the group that had attacked us. People didn’t care what the consequences of that action might bring. And human beings are noted for not learning from history. Several things happened next. We started to hold our military up to almost a God-like status to make up for shitting all over them in the other war. If you were a veteran you could do no wrong. All you had to do was wear your uniform or let people find out you were in the military and people were falling all over themselves to tell you how great you were.

“The other thing we did was to give away the majority of our personal freedoms. It became almost impossible to get on an airplane. People waiting to travel by air were frisked and inspected and made to walk through metal and explosive detectors. We made a special section of the government called the Transportation Safety Administration that ran these check points. They would walk up and down the lines of people waiting to get patted down to get on an airplane, and if they heard someone joking about explosives in their underwear, or if passengers got upset about waiting in line for hours then getting touched by a grabby government official they were taken out of line and arrested.

“People serving passengers on airlines became just as feared as the TSA. They could have you removed from a flight for not moving your seat. Or for moving to a different seat that they had not assigned to you.

“Of course, everyone that lived in this country that belonged to the religious sect that had perpetuated the attack came under instant scrutiny. They were attacked in public by scared citizens just for being a Muslim. People attacked and defaced places were Muslims gathered. And of course, hundreds of millions of dollars were spent to ensure that no one could get across the border to harm us. We were like a bunch of old ladies that had been robbed. We locked ourselves in the house and peered out through the curtains in frightened suspicion at every single person that walked down our street. And we absolutely shit our pants if someone actually knocked on our door.

“Of course, politicians thrived on this fear and screamed that they were the only ones that could protect us from the nonexistent massive onslaught that was beating down our doors to hurt us. The really sad part is, for the most part, we bought it. We put a bunch of dirt bags in place to rule us and enact a bunch of self-serving laws that exploited the public and their fears. We closed off our borders to anyone that we were told was going to hurt us, no matter if there was any proof of that or not. We began to arm ourselves in record numbers with guns.

“Of course, we paid the price for that. And in fact, we still are. People have become deranged with fear. There is a group that preaches the only way to ensure that the public is protected is to ensure that everyone has a gun. Mass killings have become common place, and some of the worst ones have happened to our children in our schools.”

“Certainly, that has forced the general public to realize the error in their ways?” Tawny said hopefully.”

“Tawny,” Mike said slowly, “a person with a rifle walked into a school and murdered 20 six-year-old children in their classroom…”

A tear rolled down Mikes face. Tawny sat in stunned silence.

“So that was what changed things?” She finally said.

“No, it didn’t. Not one single thing changed. People simply called for more guns. And good people sat silently by and did nothing. Then 500 people were wounded in public by a lone shooter, and 50 were killed. Still nothing was done. I… mean… nothing.

“Now people that want more guns actually believe that these killings never happened. That the people involved, the people that were murdered as they went about their day living their lives, were simply actors that were hired by the government to horrify people enough to take their guns away.”

“I don’t understand?” Tawny said quietly.

“Neither do I,” Mike said “neither do I.”

Mike and Bob were sitting on a picnic bench facing each other in the large open-air dinning facility. I like it by Cardi B was playing in the background.

“I have to say buddy,” Bob said “I’ll give the tune a 10 but I must be missing something in the translation on the lyrics.”

“You probably aren’t,” Mike said. “Are you hearing about having lots of sex, cursing, racial slurs, and bitches, in two languages?”

“Pretty much,” Bob said.

“Then you’re hearing it right.”

“As much time as I’ve spent on the animal farm I have to say I don’t get youse guys,” Bob said.

Another man that Mike had seen around the “village” came over and patted Bob on the back.

“Room for some company?” The man asked.

“Hey Briz,” Bob said, “grab a seat. Have you met the earthling yet?”

“No, I have not,” the man said smiling at Mike, “but I’ve certainly seen his interview on the box. Quite the shakeup I’d say.”

“Mike, this is Brizio,” Bob said as the man sat down next to Bob. “Brizio, this is Wildman Mike.”

Bob leaned over toward Brizio and said conspiratorially, “He ain’t from around these parts.”

“Hi Mike. Nice tunes by the way,” Brizio said as he pointed to the ceiling.

“Thanks,” Mike said “nice to meet you.”

Bob and Tawny had decided that Mike needed a distraction after the interview. Mike had been pretty broody since then, and for good reason. It’s hard to lay bare all human frailties in front of people that truly don’t understand Earth’s animalistic nature. Bob thought it would be a good idea to give Mike control over the entertainment after dinner.

“Brizio,” Mike said, “that sounds a lot like Earthly Italian.”

“From what I understand,” Brizio said, “it is.”

“There are quite a few things here that remind me of Italy,” Mike said. “Even your language sounds like a cross between that and something else that I can’t quite put my finger on.”

“Hawaiian,” Bob said.

“Yeah,” Mike said as he turned off his translator, “Hawaiian. That’s an odd combo. I thought that’s what it was when I got here, but that was too wild of a connect.”