David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“Well,” Mike said “there would need to be a dividing up of property, and the kids would need to be taken care of, and a list of rules would have to be worked up on how the two people would govern any interactions they might have in the future.”

“You mean that the two people that had children wouldn’t simply know that these children still needed to be cared for and act accordingly?”

“Not really,” Mike said.

“I think that I should explain to the audience here that when people on Earth have children they usually stay with that couple, living in their home for 18 to 25 years before going out on their own. Isn’t that right Mike?”

“Uh… yeah,” Mike said. “How the hell do they work that here?” he wondered.

“You said not everyone can marry. Can you explain that?”

“I think so,” Mike said. “In my country for example it is not legal for people of the same sex to marry. There are also laws against adults marrying children, and people marrying immediate family.”

“In the case of marrying immediate family,” Tawny said, “why would there be a law against that?”

“Because there may be birth defects in the children,” Mike said matter-of-factly.

“Why would people that know they have a high risk of birthing a child with a birth defect have children in the first place? Isn’t that irresponsible? I mean these people could have a meaningful relationship if they wanted to without having children, couldn’t they?”

“Of course, they could,” Mike said, “but chances are that they would anyway.”

“So then there must be laws against having sexual relations with a close family member then.”

“You’d think so wouldn’t you? But no.”

“Tell me about people of the same sex being married,” Tawny said “why would that be against the law? It certainly isn’t because they would have children with issues, or children at all”

“No, it wouldn’t,” He said. “Same sex couples in my country can’t get married because the Bible, that’s the holy book that is considered to be the word of God, says it’s wrong.”

“So your country is governed by a book that was written thousands of years ago in a land that had nothing to do with your country, and was written by an unseen spirit.”

“No,” Mike said. “In fact we have laws forbidding a connection between religion and government.”

“But his law comes directly from the Bible… right?”

“Yes, it does,” Mike said. “And there is no other basis for it, other than the fact that the church has always been against same sex marriage. No one’s life changes when people of the same sex get married, no one is hurt by it, and no one loses anything when these people marry. It simply is frowned on by the church, consequently there is a law against it.”

“But the church isn’t allowed to make laws.”

“Correct.”

“And there is a law stating that.”

“Correct.”

“But this law is simply in existence for moral reasons that stem directly from the teachings of the church.”

“Correct again.”

“Let’s move on,” Tawny said as she looked down at her pad.

“Please do.”

“Let’s stick with laws for a little bit,” Tawny said.

“OK.”

“Is there any aspect of life on Earth that is not covered by a series of laws?” Tawny asked.

“Remember that I only know of what happens in my country,” Mike said. “I have no idea what other countries do as far as their rules and laws are concerned. I will say that I assume they have the same basic laws that we have, but I’m not sure about others.

“And as far as your question is concerned, the answer is no, there is no aspect of life that is not covered by laws. We have an entire job description on Earth that does nothing but interpret laws, defend people that break laws, and prosecute people that break those laws.”

“I’m afraid that I don’t understand,” Tawny said. “If you have a law that everyone has agrees needs to exist, then why would anyone break that law. You’ve certainly made it easy to know right from wrong. All you have to do is read the law book. Why would anyone break those laws?”

“Sometimes,” Mike said “people don’t know that they’ve broken a law until they have done it. Usually those are simple laws. Like having a license for you dog’ or cutting down a tree without a permit.”

“You have laws covering those types of things?”

“I’m afraid so. In those cases you usually just have to pay a fine. But people break laws all the time because they think they might be able to get away with it.”

“Do you mean to tell me,” Tawny said “that people on your planet not only know the difference between right and wrong, they have a book telling them what is right and wrong and they still do the wrong thing because they think no one will find out?”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “that about sums it up. Sometimes if a human has to decide what to do in a situation that is not covered by a law, for example saying something that might hurt someone, or not helping someone that is in distress in public, they will do whatever is either easiest, or more beneficial for them because there are no immediate personal consequences.”

“That,” Tawny said as she looked deep into Mikes eyes “has to be an extremely horrible way to live.”

“It really is the only thing we know,” Mike said. “Everyone on Earth complains about human nature. Everyone talks about how they want things to be different. But no one is ready to be the one to change the way they live. Everyone knows that if they live life the way that they know they should, it would make them vulnerable. It’s sad, but true.”

“You said earlier that people on Earth get married; and some of them apparently stay together for life. I got the impression that they amass property in some way that would need to be legally divided in the event that they were to separate.”

“Yes,” Mike said “that’s true.”

“How would they amass that property?” Tawny asked.

“Well,” Mike said, “they might buy a house or a car. Of course there would have to be a sharing of the financial assets.”

“When you say buy a house,” Tawny asked as she wrote a note on her pad. “How do you mean that?”

“Well,” Mike said, just a little confused “they would look for a house they both liked, and could afford, and, uh, buy it.”

“When you buy something,” Tawny asked, “is it yours then, and no one else’s?”

“Of course it is,” Mike said.

“What do you use to buy property?”

“Money,” Mike said, not sure where this was going.

“Could you explain the concept of money to us?” Tawny asked.

“First let me ask you a question. Don’t you have a form of compensation for anything?” Mike asked.

“Everyone here works for the betterment of our society,” Tawny said. “We don’t have to be given anything to accomplish a job. Everyone knows what needs to be done and does it.”

“OK,” Mike said. “On Earth people get paid money for the work that they do. I could explain how money gets its value but I’m not sure that even I understand how that happens. Let’s just say that we all agree that a certain piece of paper is worth a monetary amount. We are given a certain amount of money for a job we do, and then we use that money to buy things we need.”

“Does everyone receive the same amount of money for the work that they do?”

“Well,” Mike said uncomfortably, “no. People that are president of a large corporation make quite a lot more than say someone that’s a cook in a restaurant.”

“How much more?” Tawny asked.