David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“200 years?” Tawny said in surprise.

Mike just nodded.

“Certainly people in modern times can see the ignorance of this slaughter?” Tawny said.

“You would think that,” Mike said. “But today that area is still being fought over by Jews, original Christians, and Muslims. People are killed constantly there. Homes are destroyed and families are displaced. It’s all pretty horrible, and it’s almost 1000 years later.”

“But people understand the futility there, don’t they?”

“Far from it, I’m afraid. In this day and age, people expect leaders of the free world to choose sides in that conflict. Even though that country doesn’t actually have a stake in that fight. The Crusader Christians and the Muslims that fight them still exist today, and still kill each other after all that time. Of course, everyone says it’s for other reasons now. But it really all comes down to the same thing. Pick a god and fight to the death. The sad part is that they are both fighting over the same god.”

“I guess I wasn’t ready for that one,” Tawny said. “They both believe in the same god? So why fight?”

“They fight because one side says the other side is worshiping all wrong,” Mike held up his hand again to cut off a question. “Don’t try to understand it. It’s just as crazy as it sounds. Of course, they each could give praise and live life however they wanted, right alongside each other if they wanted to. There is nothing stopping them from that. I guess when it comes right down to it, it all boils down to the fact that this is just not how the human mind works. It never has made sense, and it never will. People will continue to kill each other and distrust each other over something no one has ever seen, felt, or talked to. Over something that only has a physical presence in what other humans have written about. It doesn’t make sense and I can’t make it make any. I’m sorry.”

“Let’s move on to something you said earlier,” Tawny said as she glanced down at here notes. “You were talking about laws and governing. Could you explain some of that to me? I don’t think we actually have anything here that compares to that type of system.”

“I’ll try,” Mike said. “On Earth all society has rules that the people are expected to live by.”

“Rules?” Tawny asked. “Rules that people wouldn’t know the answers to in the first place?”

“No,” Mike said “the majority of these rules are pretty simple. They cover things that people know better than in the first place. Actually, a number of religions believe that these rules were given to us by God a long time ago.”

“By given do you mean that they were instilled on your conscious mind by the creator.”

“Ah, no,” Mike said as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I mean actually given. As in God came down to Earth and actually told one of the leaders what laws they should be living by.”

“Came down?” Tawny said, “From where?”

“Heaven,” Mike said as he sighed. “Honestly there is no way I can explain heaven. It would be like describing red to a blind person.

“Anyway,” Mike went on “some laws are pretty basic as I said. Don’t kill each other, don’t steal from each other, things like that.”

“So there are laws telling people that it’s bad to kill another person?” Twany said.

“Well yes,” Mike said. “But it’s not like people wouldn’t know killing was a bad thing. But if there were no immediate consequences for doing something like that, people would be killing other people all the time and justifying it with a good reason that person needed to die.”

“What kind of consequences?”

“Sometimes it’s prison, and sometimes it’s the death penalty,” Mike said.

“Let’s break that down, because I know that no one in the audience gets either concept,”

“OK, Prison is a place where people are taken that break the law. In a prison that person will be locked in a cell…”

Tawny interrupted him. “Could you explain a cell?”

“Yeah,” Mike said. “A cell is like a cage.”

“And how many days do you keep a person in this cage?” She asked.

“Well,” Mike said, “In the cases of the worst crimes they can spend the rest of their life in there.”

“The rest of their lives?” Tawny asked.

“Yes,” Mike said, “but that’s usually preferable to the other option.”

“How bad could the other option be?” She asked.

“The other option is death. So pretty bad.”

“You mean you actually kill people for breaking the law?”

“Usually only in a case where a person murders someone else.”

“So, if say I was to murder you, the government would murder me?”

“Yes,” Mike said, “and before you say it. No, it doesn’t make any sense. Murder is morally wrong and against the law. Unless that murder is enacted by the government on a person that murdered someone else, or if that murder was committed by a soldier employed by the government specifically to kill other people. But only when that soldier kills the people that the government specifically tells them to kill. If that solder kills people that the government didn’t tell him to kill or kills them in a way that the government didn’t approve of, then that solder could be murdered by the government or put in a cage for the rest of their life.”

Tawny was just looking at him again.

“Really?” She said and was instantly upset with herself for devolving into general conversation in an interview.

“I’m afraid so,” Mike said.

Tawny shook her head.

“How does the government murder law breakers?” She asked.

“It varies from place to place,” Mike said. “In some countries they hang or electrocute the person. Sometimes they inject them with chemicals that kill them pretty instantly. In other countries they cut the persons head off in public, and sometimes they kill them by throwing rocks at them.”

“You made that last one up,” she said, “didn’t you?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“They tie someone to a post or something and hit them with rocks until they’re dead?” She asked

Mike just nodded again.

“But really when it comes down to it,” Mike said “it really doesn’t matter if you get hung, stoned, shot, poisoned, electrocuted, or beheaded, you’re still just as dead.”

“Yes you are,” she said quietly.

“Anyway,” Mike continued, “there are thousands of other laws that don’t carry that kind of weight. Some are punishable by a simple fine, and some can carry a sentence of 5, 10, 15, 20, or 30 years in prison.

“There are laws against theft, as I said. And laws against driving too fast, or building a building in a way that the government doesn’t approve of. There are laws in some places restricting who you can and who you can’t marry.”

“Just a minute,” Tawny said holding up a hand. “Could you explain marriage and the laws that govern that?”

Sure,” Mike said. He was thinking this should be an easy one. “Marriage is when two people fall in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. So they go to the government and get a license…”

“Why would the government get involved in this,” she asked “and why would you need a license?”

“You need a license to prove that you’re married,” Mike answered.

“Prove to who?” she asked.

“To the government,” Mike said.

“Why does the government care?” She asked.

“For tax reasons, and in case these people want to separate, and of course as I said there are restrictions on who can marry who.”

“Let’s take that one at a time,” Tawny said. “The first thing you said was ‘in case they want to separate.’ Why would the government care if a couple that was married would want to separate?”