David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“I’m afraid you’re starting from zero,” she said.

“OK,” Mike said as he searched the ceiling for the right words, “on Earth most people are searching for the reason they are on that planet in the first place. Also, they need the security of knowing that someone or something is in actual control of daily events.”

“Why would that bring security?” she asked.

“If an entity is actually in control, then there has to be a grand scheme to things. If your mother dies of cancer it wasn’t just some random act. Some other entity took her life for a purpose.”

Tawny just raised one eye brow.

“All civilizations on earth,” Mike said “well, at least all of them I can think of, have some sort of a belief system as to how the world came to be, what controls daily events, and where life is going eventually.”

“Some people are something called pagans. That word actually started out as a derogatory term used by early Christians to describe anyone that wasn’t them, Jews, or Muslims. But that would take way too long to explain.

“Pagans usually are polytheists. That means that they have many Gods…”

“Could you explain Gods for the viewers?”

“Sure,” Mike said. “A god is an unseen entity that people believe controls everything there is to do with whatever people think they are in charge of. For example, there might be a god of trees and plants. This god would be responsible for everything that has to do with vegetation, including crops. If a farmer is growing a specific crop they might pray to that god to ensure that they would be blessed with a good harvest.”

“I’m sorry Mike,” Tawny cut in, “could you explain praying?”

“Ah, I think so. Praying is something that you do… kind of like thinking… but directing that thought at a specific thing. You would think toward this god. Usually, at some point you have to tell this particular god how awesome they are, and in turn how pretty much worthless you are, and that you would be thrilled if that god could give you the thing you were asking for.”

“Why is it important that you tell this god how great they are?” Tawny asked.

“I guess the best way I can explain that is to talk about the religion that I was brought up in,” Mike said. “We are monotheists that worship a single god.”

Tawny started to say something but Mike cut her off with a rise of a finger. He knew she was going to ask what worshiping was all about.

“Our god, as far as we’re concerned created everything.”

“Everything?” Tawny said.

“Yeah. He created the planet Earth and the seas, then he created all of the animals and plants. Then he created humans. Well, he created a male, then he created a woman so the man would have someone to talk to. I guess the man got tired of talking to the animals.”

He could sense the beginnings of a smirk crossing Tawny’s perfect mouth.

“Yeah,” Mike said pressing on, “God actually created light and dark.”

“What?” Tawny said.

“Ah, daylight and subsequent darkness,” Mike said. “God created that. There was an incident with a talking snake, but that’s too much to get into right now. Anyhow, God created free will.”

“God created free will,” Tawny said.

Mike shot her an apologetic half grin, “yeah,” he said.

“So,” Mike continued “the reason that God created man was to worship him…”

“Hang on,” Tawny said “This god created human beings simply to have something living on a planet… that this thing also created… that would spend the day telling this god how terrific it was?”

“And how worthless they were. Apparently, that makes God happy somehow.”

“Does everyone on Earth believe some form of this?” she asked.

“Well no,” he said, “there are some people that don’t agree with any of the theologies. These people are called atheists.”

“What do these atheists believe?” she said.

“Different things. They don’t really have a unified thought process. About the only thing they do have in common is that they think the entire God concept is pretty childish. They think humans are a biological happening on the planet, and that their only reason for being there in the first place is to provide comfort to their fellow humans and make their life a little more comfortable.”

“How do others take this group?”

“Not very well I must say. Atheists are pretty much universally discredited by every religion on the planet.”

“Why is that?” She asked.

“Basically, what they believe spits in the face of what religious people have been taught ever since they had been potty-trained. Religion relies on faith. You have to have faith that something that you have never seen, and no one you know has ever seen, controls things in a way you can’t see or begin to understand.”

“What do religious people think happens if you stop having faith, or if you bring disfavor on to this entity.”

“Ahhhhhhhh,” Mike wasn’t looking forward to fielding this question. “If you sin, and before you ask, sinning is basically acting in a way that you know in your heart is wrong in the first place. Like murder, of theft, abusing another person. If you do that, or if you don’t believe in that god, or if even worse you live your life in a way that angers this god… then he… this god… sends your soul to a horrible place to spend the rest of eternity being tortured by evil beings.”

“What the…” Tawny started and the regained her professional air. “Why does god do that?”

“Because he loves you?” Mike said weakly.

“You mean… wait… this god… torments the essence of your being… for eternity, because he loves you?” Tawny stumbled over her words.

“Pretty much,” Mike shrugged.

“And adults believe this?” Tawny asked. “We’re not talking about children here. We’re talking about adults.”

“Yes,” Mike said “our entire civilization is based on some form of this ideology. I guess this leads into the subject of wars for religion, doesn’t it.”

Tawny was just looking at him.

“A very long time ago the majority of the world was controlled by two major religions, Christians and Muslims. Both of these groups laid claim to a region that was historically significant to them, and they both wanted control of it.”

“Control for what purpose?” Tawny asked.

That was actually an outstanding question. What was the purpose?

“It’s hard for us to understand the concept of control here,” Tawny explained. “Why couldn’t both groups exist in the same place at the same time? I mean, let’s say that this certain spot had… I don’t know… 100,000 people living in it. And let’s say half of them were Muslims and half were Christians. Why couldn’t they both live in the same place at the same time if that place was that important to them?”

“These two groups of people hated each other because they each viewed the other’s religious beliefs as going against God. They both felt that if they allowed the other to stay in their most sacred land that it would infuriate God, and there would be consequences.”

“Consequences?”

“Yes,” Mike said. “Like pestilence and plague. Things like that.”

“These people believed that this entity, that created them, would bring horrible suffering because they allowed people to live in an area that they thought was sacred?”

“That’s about right,” Mike said. “These wars were known as the crusades. Kings, or Popes, they were rulers of the Christians, would get armies together and travel thousands of miles to toss the Muslims out of the holy land. The wars were horrible and cost hundreds of thousands of lives. They lasted for around 200 years.”