Robert Asprin - Mything Persons

Hay-ner shrugged. "There are only three, really. You

can pay back the money they took falsely plus a twenty-

five percent fine, accept permanent banishment from

the Bazaar, or you can try to convince your fr—aahh, I

mean the fugitives to return to the Bazaar to settle mat-

ters themselves."

"I see... Very well. You've had your say. Now

please leave so my partner and I can discuss our position

on the matter."

Aahz took care of seeing them out while I plunged

into thought as to what we should do. When he re-

turned, we both sat in silence for the better part of an

hour before either of us spoke.

"Well," I said at last, "what do you think?"

"Banishment from the Bazaar is out!" Aahz snarled.

"Not only would it destroy our reputations, I'm not

about to get run out of the Bazaar and our home over

something as idiotic as this!"

"Agreed," I said grimly. "Even though it occurs to

me that Hay-ner is bluffing on that option. He wants us

to stick around the Bazaar as much as we want to stay.

He was the one who hired us in the first place, remem-

Robert Asprin

20

ber? I think he's expecting us to ante up and pay the

money. That way he gets back some of the squeeze he so

grudgingly parted with. Somehow the idea of giving in

to that kind of pressure really galls me."

Aahz nodded. "Me too."

There followed several more minutes of silence.

"Okay," Aahz said finally, "who's going to say it?"

"We're going to have to go after them." I sighed.

"Half right," Aahz corrected. "I'm going to have to

go after them. Partner or not, we're talking about hit-

ting a totally new dimension here, and it's too danger-

ous for someone at your level of magical skill."

"My level? How about you? You don't have any

powers at all. If it's too dangerous for me, what's sup-

posed to keep you safe?"

"Experience," he said loftily. "I'm used to doing

this, and you aren't. End of argument."

" 'End of argument' nothing! Just how do you pro-

pose to leave me behind if I don't agree?"

"That's easy," Aahz grinned. "See who's standing in

the corner?"

I turned to look where he was pointing, and that's the

last thing I remembered for a long time.

"Reliable information is a must for suc-

cessful planning."

—C. COLUMBUS

"HEY! Hot stuff! Wake up!! You okay?"

If I led a different kind of life, those words would

have been uttered by a voluptuous vision of female

loveliness. As it was, they were exclaimed by Massha.

This was one of the first things that penetrated the

fogginess of my mind as I struggled to regain con-

sciousness. I'm never at my best first thing in the morn-

ing, even when I wake up leisurely of my own accord.

Having wakefulness forced upon me by someone else

only guarantees that my mood will be less than pleasant.

However groggy I might be feeling, though, there was

no mistaking the fact that it was Massha shaking me

awake. Even through unfocused eyes, her form was

unmistakable. Imagine, if you will, the largest, fattest

woman you've ever met. Now expand that image by

fifty percent in all directions, top it off with garish

orange hair, and false eyelashes and purple lipstick, and

adorn it with a wheelbarrow load of gaudy jewelry. See

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Robert Asprin

22

what I mean? I could recognize Massha a mile away on

a dark night... blindfolded.

"Of course I'm okay, apprentice'." I snarled. "Don't

you have any lessons you're supposed to be practicing

or something?"

"Are you sure? she pressed mercilessly.

"Yes, I'm sure. Why do you ask? Can't a fellow take

a little nap without being badgered about it?"

"It's just that you don't usually take naps in the

middle of the reception room floor."

That got my attention, and I forced my eyes into

focus. She was right! For some reason I was sprawled

out on the floor. Now what could have possessed me

to....

Then it all came back! Aahz! The expedition into the

new dimension!

I sat bolt upright... and regretted it immediately. A

blinding headache assaulted me with icepick intensity,

and my stomach flipped over and landed on its back

with all the grace of a lump of overcooked oatmeal.

Massha caught me by the shoulder as I started to list.

"Steady there, High Roller. Looks like your idea of

'okay' and mine are a little out of synch."

Ignoring her, I felt the back of my head cautiously

and discovered a large, tender lump behind my ear. If I

had had any doubts as to what had happened, they were

gone now.

"That bloody Pervert!" I said, flinching at the new

wave of pain brought on by the sound of my own voice.

"He must have knocked me out and gone in alone!"

"You mean Aahz? Dark, green, and scaly himself? I

don't get it. Why would your own partner sucker-punch

you?"

"So he could go through the door without me. I made;

MYTH-ING PERSONS

23

it very clear that I didn't want to be left behind on this

caper."

"Door? What door?" Massha said with a frown. "I

know you two have your secrets, Boss, but I think you'd

better fill me in on a few more details as to exactly

what's going on around here."

As briefly as I could, I brought her up to date on the

day's events, including the explanation as to why Aahz

and I had never said anything about the house's mys-

terious back door. Being a seasoned dimension traveler

herself, she grasped the concept of an unlisted dimen-

sion and its potential dangers much more rapidly than

Guide and Nunzio.

"What I don't understand is even if he didn't want

you along, why didn't he take someone else as a back-

up?"

"Like who?" I said with a wry grimace. "We've

already established that you're my apprentice and he

doesn't give you orders without clearing them through

me. He's never been impressed with Guido and Nunzio.

Tananda and Chumley are off on their own contracts

and aren't due back for several days. Even Gus is taking

a well-earned vacation with Berfert. Besides, he knows

good and well that if he started building a team and

excluded me, there'd be some serious problems before

the dust settled. I wouldn't take something like that

lying down!"

"Don't look now, but you just did," my apprentice

pointed out dryly, "though I have to admit he sort of

forced it on you."

With that, she slid a hand under each of my armpits

and picked me up, setting me gently on my feet.

"Well, now what? I supposed you're going to go

charging after him with blood in your eye. Mind if I tag

24

Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 25

along? Or are you bound and determined to be as stupid

as he is?"

As a matter of fact, that was exactly what I had been

planning to do. The undisguised sarcasm in her voice

combined with the unsettling wobbliness of my legs,

however, led me to reconsider.

"No," I said carefully. "One of us blundering

around out there is enough ... or one too many, de-

pending on how you count it. While I still think I should

have gone along, Aahz has dealt this hand, so it's up to

him to play it out. It's up to me to mind the store until

he gets back."

Massha cocked an eyebrow at me.

"That makes sense," she said, "though I'll admit I'm

a little surprised to hear you say it."

"I'm a responsible businessman now." I shrugged.