John Scalzi - The Android's Dream

"What if I don't want the position?" Robin asked.

"It's not an office," Sam Berlant said. "It's a state of being. Even if you don't want to be it, you're still it. Your arrival is incredibly significant to us—and to all religions. It's the first time in recorded history that a prophesied religious entity has been intentionally brought into being. You're the religious find of the millennia, Miss Baker."

"Swell," Robin said.

"There are compensations," Hamn said, gently. "The Church has significant material, real estate, and business holdings. These are all administered by a governing council and various boards of directors, but technically, it's all held in trust for the Evolved Lamb, should he or she ever arise."

Robin stared for a second, and then held up her hand as if to pause the conversation. "So you're saying I own the Church."

"Well, no," Hamn said, "just all of its assets."

"So that's a lot," Robin said.

"It's not bad," Hamn allowed.

"So, we're talking, what? A million? Two million?"

Hamn looked over to Sam Berlant. "As of the market close last Friday, 174.9 billion dollars," Sam said.

"175 billion dollars," Robin said. "Billion, as in, the one with the nine zeros after it."

"That's the one," Hamn said.

"Technically, it makes you the richest single person on Earth," Sam Berlant said. "The Walton family is worth more in aggregate, but there are a couple hundred of them."

"I feel like I just swallowed a golf ball," Robin said, and moved to sit.

Creek moved over to steady her. "Easy, Robin," he said. "You already run a planet. This is just a little extra bonus."

"Harry," Robin said. "Do you have any clue how far outside reality you have to be to describe 175 billion dollars as a bonus?"

"Just promise you'll remember me at Christmastime," Creek said. He sat down next to Robin, who smiled and patted his shoulder.

Hubu-auf-Getag returned a few minutes later. "The auf-Getag clan is prepared to offer its allegiance to the new Fehen," he said. "Our influence is such that we believe that the other clans—even the win-Getag clan—will follow suit."

Robin stood. "So you will do as I say," she said.

"Yes," Hubu-auf-Getag said.

"Really," Robin said.

"You may test our loyalty in any way you choose," Hubu-auf-Getag said.

"Brian," Robin said.

"Yes, Fehen," Brian said.

"Would you inform Secretary Heffer his presence is requested by the Fehen."

"At once," Brian said. Jim Heffer arrived two minutes later.

"You asked for me, Fehen" Secretary Heffer said.

"I did," Robin said. "My good friend Hubu-auf-Getag and I were recently discussing the unfortunate series of misunderstands between Nidu and the UNE. He and I agreed that in light of the possible damage between these great nations, Nidu could benefit from making a goodwill gesture to the peoples of Earth and her colonies. Isn't that right, Hubu-auf-Getag?"

"That is entirely correct, Fehen," Hubu-auf-Getag said.

"I'm glad to hear it," Heffer said. "What does the Fehen have in mind?"

"Oh, not me," Robin said. "What I'm about to say comes entirely from Hubu-auf-Getag. Secretary Heffer, aren't there two Nidu destroyers in orbit around Earth at the moment?"

"I believe there are," Heffer said.

"I hear they're very nice," Robin said. "Top of the line and all of that."

"They are excellent ships," Heffer said.

"Well, then," Robin said. "Hubu-auf-Getag wants the UNE to have them. Don't you, Hubu-auf-Getag?"

Creek spent the next several seconds wondering if a Nidu's head could, in fact, actually explode from rage.

"There is nothing that would give me greater pleasure," Hubu-auf-Getag finally said, in a tone that suggested his entrails had cramped.

"That is wonderful news," Heffer said. "Our secretary of defense will be immensely pleased. May I pass along your compliments, Hubu-auf-Getag?"

"Please do," Hubu-auf-Getag said, tightly.

"And Secretary Heffer," Robin said. "You may also inform your government that Hubu-auf-Getag is to be governor of Nidu and her colonies. He has my authority to act in my place in every matter."

"Very good, Fehen," Heffer said. "My congratulations, Governor. Will there be an installation ceremony?"

Hubu-auf-Getag looked to Robin Baker. "It is up to the Fehen"

"Well, I think we should," Robin said. "Let's say, in one hour? After all, everyone is already here."

Robin stepped down from the dais and walked over to Narf-win-Getag, still prone on the ground. "And as for you, you shit-head," she said. "I'm going to make sure you get the best seat in the house, to watch everything you ever wanted given to someone else. Tell me what you think about that."

The gubernatorial ceremony was very much like the coronation ceremony, with the exception that instead of a blood sacrifice and a brain scan, Robin Baker symbolized the transfer of power to Hubu-auf-Getag by providing him a single Fehensul flower from a bouquet she held in her hands. Brian used the impressive Nidu computer voice to announce that Hubu-auf-Getag had been given penultimate control of the Nidu computer network, and then everyone in the crowd applauded in the manner appropriate for their own species and filed out to go to any number of ceremonies and parties around Nidu before going home.

In time only a few people remained in the Great Hall, paired off in conversation: Creek and Jim Heffer, Robin and Takk, Brian and Ben Javna, and Francis Hamn and Sam Berlant, who were finishing a final diagnostic on the Nidu network.

Creek watched from a distance as Brian and Ben sat in the distance (well, Ben sat; Brian projected himself sitting) and reacquainted themselves with each other. Creek could see Bert's eyes were red-rimmed, but at the moment he was laughing at something his brother was telling him.

"That's a hell of a thing," Heffer said. "To lose a brother and to get him back."

"It is," Creek said. "I wondered how Ben would take it, and if he'd hate me for doing it. But I needed Brian's help. Without him, none of this would have worked."

"Don't sell yourself short, Creek," Heffer said. "Without you, we'd be at war, and we would have lost. And your friend Robin would probably be dead by now. You saved her, and saved us. You didn't save the universe, but you can plan on doing that next week."

Creek smiled. "I'm taking next week off," he said. "And possibly the week after that. With your permission."

"Take all the time you want, Creek," Heffer said. "Just tell me you'll be back. I don't know that we need any more like you; I don't think my heart could handle the strain. But I'm glad we have at least one of you around." He looked at his watch and stood. "I've got to collect Ben. We have a shuttle to catch. How are you getting back?"

"Hamn and Berlant have offered to take us home with their corporate transport," Creek said. "Although if I understand everything correctly, it's actually that Robin is letting them hitch a ride on her transport."

"Don't rush home," Heffer said, and held out his hand. "Make a few stops. Enjoy yourselves."

"We've already had one cruise this week," Creek said, shaking Heffer's hand. "One's enough." The two men made their goodbyes, and then Creek walked over to Robin and Takk.

"Takk's telling me about his home," Robin said. "It sounds nice. He's been away for two years."

"That's a long time," Creek said.

"It is," Takk said. "But I'll be going home now. I've seen enough of other places to last me a while."

"Amen to that," Robin said.

Hamn and Sam Berlant walked up. "Excuse me, Miss Baker," Hamn said. "We're just about finished up here. We'll be ready to leave shortly. On the return trip home, I know that Sam here would like to talk to you a little bit about your financials and your new responsibilities with the Church holdings."