John Scalzi - The Android's Dream

This little detail of the coronation ceremony was the most tightly held secret of the auf-Getag clan, known only to its highest-ranking members. This number included Hubu-auf-Getag, who would be attending the ceremony today and who fully expected to perform the ceremony himself after Narf-win-Getag's attempt failed. At which point he fully expected to have Narf-win-Getag executed for treason right there on the ancient and priceless rugs of the Great Hall, in front of the assembled audience of visitors from hundreds of worlds. Then he'd deal with the Glar destroyer captains. And then, just for fun, he'd decimate the win-Getag clan, executing one clan member in ten at random. That would be the end of any other thoughts of uprising by any other clan for a good long time.

As tightly held as this secret was, it did not originate with the auf-Getag clan itself. Rather it was suggested to the auf-Getag clan, in a batch with a number of other unrelated performance and optimization suggestions, by an advisory panel at LegaCen, the general contractor building the new Nidu computer network. The auf-Getags, delighted by the sneakiness of the idea and encouraged by LegaCeris rock-solid nondisclosure pact, signed off on it Now decades later, they had no idea the secret came from outside their clan. The clan members had simply forgot.

"How do you feel?" Creek asked Robin.

"Like I'm going to throw up," Robin said.

"There's a receptacle," Creek said, pointing to the trough at the altar into which Robin's blood would flow.

"Don't tempt me," Robin said. "Also, this hurts like hell." Robin held up her wrist, into which a small medical shunt had been jammed. At the appropriate time in the ceremony the stopper on the shunt would be turned and about two ounces of Robin's blood would fall into the trough.

"I guarantee you it hurts less than the alternative," Creek said.

"This is all so unreal, Harry," Robin said. "I want to wake up in my crappy little bed in my crappy little apartment and have my crappy little breakfast and then go to work out and clean out crappy little rodent cages."

"Soon, Robin," Creek said. "Now, you remember everything you're supposed to do?"

"I do," Robin said, and held up her wrist again. "Some parts are harder to forget than others."

"You're going to do fine," Creek said. "Remember that I'm going to be right in the front of the audience."

"Where will Takk be?" Robin asked. She and Takk had become close during the trip to Nidu.

"He'll be with me," Creek said.

Robin giggled. "That's bad news for anyone who has to stand behind him."

The doors at the end of the hall cracked open. The audience was being let in.

"Here we go," Creek said, and turned to Robin. "Be strong, Robin. It's almost all over."

Robin came over to Creek. She gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you, Harry," she said. "For everything. And no matter what I said before, you really are a fun date."

"Thanks," Creek said.

"Next time, though," Robin said. "Let's just go to a movie." She walked back up to the altar. Creek headed down toward the crowd to find Ben Javna and Jim Heffer.

He found them near the back. Javna came over and grabbed his arm in greeting. Creek winced.

"Sorry, Harry," Javna said. "But God damn. It's good to see you alive, kid. Although from the looks of it, it's a close thing."

"Thanks, Ben," Creek said. "It's good to be alive, close or not." Creek looked to Heffer, who walked up next to Javna. "Secretary Heffer," he said.

"Mr. Creek," Jim Heffer said. "Good to finally meet you. Prime Minister Creek, I should say. We heard about your promotion."

"You owe me for that one," Javna said. "It's a nice job."

"Yeah, but look what I had to do to get it," Creek said.

"If this coronation goes off you're not likely to keep it long," Heffer said. "Narf-win-Getag's been playing everybody. We all got bushwhacked. Ben's legal victory is just about the only thing that went right for us. I'm laying decent odds that at the end of this ceremony, Ben and you and I get marched off to a POW camp."

"And yet you still showed up," Creek said.

"Hope springs eternal," Heffer said. "And we're not at war yet. We're diplomats, Harry. Maybe there's another way out."

"Maybe," Creek agreed. Someone tapped Heffer on the shoulder; Heffer turned to acknowledge them and then nodded his goodbyes to Creek and Javna.

"Well?" Javna said, after Heffer had gone. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Creek asked.

"You're here," Javna said. "She's here. I didn't tell you to come out of hiding yet, and you're not stupid enough or slow enough to get caught. So you're up to something. And I hear that you're here because you made some sort of deal with Narf-win-Getag."

"It's not what you think," Creek said.

"That's good," Javna said, "Because I have really no clue what I'm thinking right now. I just hope somewhere along the way you managed to pull all our feet out of the fire. And maybe managed to convince o! Narf to pick someone not entirely despotic to rule the Earth."

"I know one person it's not going to be," Creek said, and told Javna about Jean Schroeder.

"Choked to death by a Nidu on the plain of Pajmhi," Javna said, when Creek had finished. "There may be more ironically poetical ways for that shithead to go, but right off the top of my head I can't think of any."

Horns sounded, signaling the audience to take their places.

"Time for the pain," Javna said.

"Listen, Ben," Creek said, drawing close. "Something's going to happen in the ceremony, something that I haven't prepared you for. Something that goes back a long way between us. I don't have time to explain it now. You'll know it when you see it. When it happens, try not to hate me too much."

Javna looked at Creek. "Harry," Javna said. "Whatever it is, if it gets us all out of this with our skin intact, that's good enough. Don't worry. You're like a brother to me. You know that."

"Hold that thought, Ben," Creek said. "Remember you said it."

Takk came up to Creek. "It's time to take our places," lie said.

"Holy cow," Javna said, looking up at Takk.

"Hi," Takk said.

"When we're in POW camp, you're going to have some interesting tales for me, Harry," Javna said. "I can tell that already."

"What's he talking about?" Takk said.

"I'll tell you later," Creek said. "Come on, let's go." The two moved back up the crowd to their assigned position, Takk creating a bow wave with his size and Creek traveling in his wake.

Horns blared. The Great Hall doors opened once more. And Narf-win-Getag stepped through, wearing the cape and mantle of his clan.

Narf-win-Getag did not rush his entrance; he walked slowly and smoothly, directly in the middle of the aisle created by retaining ropes and an audience of four thousand guests and dignitaries. Narf-win-Getag recognized many, as well he should have through decades in the Nidu diplomatic core. His eyes sought and found Jim Heffer and Ben Javna; he nodded to them as he passed and smiled at the memory of having played them rough like cheap violins. With Schroeder out of the way, Narf-win-Getag was free to choose a Nidu administrator for Earth, and was considering auctioning off the position to the highest bidder. Someone would pay handsomely to run an entire planet, even a shithole like Earth.

At the head of the crowd Narf-win-Getag spied Hubu-auf-Getag on one side, with a phalanx of auf-Getags, and Harry Creek and Takk on the other. Neither Hubu-auf-Getag nor Harry Creek struck Narf-win-Getag as appropriately fearful in their expressions, although in the case of Creek it might simply be that Narf-win-Getag, even after all that time on Earth, still had trouble with some of the more subtle human expressions. It really didn't matter. Hubu-auf-Getag and his entire clan would be dealt with soon enough, and as for Creek, Takk, and Robin, he'd already made arrangements for that entire nation to be handled. They'd live; they'd just never leave Nidu. Narf-win-Getag didn't feel particularly bad about violating the agreement to call off the war on Robin; he'd honored the other three well enough. Especially the last one.