John Scalzi - The Android's Dream

"Ladies and gentlemen," Creek said, and he could hear whispers of his words being pitched to the members of the audience in their own language through the directional audio. "Please, be calm. Please calm down. Explanations are coming."

Eventually the crowd noise died down, and Creek stepped out in front of the altar.

"My name is Harry Creek," he said. "The Nagch stepping on Narf-win-Getag is Takk. The woman on the stage is Robin Baker. We are the nation of Robin Baker, recognized by the Common Confederation. And she is now Fehen of Nidu, as allowed by the laws of Nidu itself." The crowd erupted yet again; Harry moved to silence them once more.

Hubu-auf-Getag stepped forward out of his phalanx of clansmen. "I am Hubu-auf-Getag, the true Fehen of Nidu," he said in English, to the crowd and to Creek. "This woman cannot be the Fehen of the Nidu. If for no other reason that she is not Nidu."

"By your laws and by the coronation procedure your own clan set forth, she does not need to be," Creek said. "Your coronation ceremony requires merely an Android's Dream sheep. Robin Baker has that DNA in her."

"If she has DNA, then by Nidu law she is the property of the clan of auf-Getag," Hubu-auf-Getag said. "And a member of that clan must be Fehen."

"In this case, Nidu law is superseded by Common Confederation law, which declared Robin Baker a new species of sentient being and her own nation under Common Confederation law," Creek said. "As a member of the Common Confederation Nidu is bound to respect her sovereignty and can make no claim on her. You know this, since it was your own government's suit that caused the CC to rule for her."

"A suit whose idea came from Narf-win-Getag," Hubu-auf-Getag said, staring down at the fallen ambassador, who was pinned by Takk's leg on his back.

"Who was at the time a representative of your government," Creek said. "And still is, I suppose."

"Not anymore," Robin said, and turned to Narf-win-Getag, who was pinned under Takk's foot. "You're dismissed."

"Dismissal noted," said Brian.

"This is an invasion!" Hubu-auf-Getag said, trying a new tack. "You have attacked us and taken control of our network by illegal means."

"It is not an invasion," Creek said. "We were transported here by a Nidu ambassador in a Nidu vessel and participated by invitation in the coronation ceremony."

Narf-win-Getag spoke up from the floor. "Under false pretense!" he rasped, as Takk's foot was limiting his lung capacity.

"The ambassador is mistaken," Creek said. "We agreed to come to Nidu to take part in the coronation ceremony. We didn't specify that in doing so the crown would fall to him."

"It is still an act of war," Hubu-auf-Getag said.

"If it is, it is defensive," Creek said. "When a Nidu gunship attacked a civilian UNE vessel carrying Miss Baker and me, the Nidu marines who demanded to board specifically served notice to the captain of the ship that Nidu had declared war on Robin Baker. As was recently noted to me by your ambassador, Nidu outnumbers Miss Baker's nation by three billion to one. A declaration of war on a single person—even if she is her own nation—seems excessive. By the laws of the Common Confederation, Miss Baker, as a sovereign nation, has the right to defend herself against an aggressor."

This last bit caused rumbling in the audience. Hubu-auf-Getag glanced back and read the mood in the room. Then he turned back to Creek. "Let's you and I talk without the crowd listening in, if you please," he said. Creek nodded and had Brian cut his amplification. The crowd moaned in irritation, but stayed calm.

"Even if all you say is true," Hubu-auf-Getag said. "There is the matter of the three billion to one to consider. The Nidu will never follow a sheepwoman."

Creek smiled. "Hubu-auf-Getag, surely you of all people know that it's not necessary to have the love of the masses, merely the ability to control them," Creek said. "We have control of the Nidu computer network. Which means we have control of your government and your military. Until you recognize her as Fehen, you're not going to get anything done."

Hubu-auf-Getag leaned in closer to Creek. "Your clan is small.

If something were to happen to your so-called Fehen, there are only two of you remaining. A motivated clan—the win-Getags, say—could put an end to your rule in short order."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Brian said, and projected himself over to Hubu-auf-Getag. "I've forgotten my introductions. I'm Brian Javna, and since the Fehen let me into your network, I've become the network. I'm self-contained and sentient, and I'm also a member of Robin Baker's clan. So if you kill Robin and Harry and Takk, there's still me. And you can't kill me."

"Don't count on that," Hubu-auf-Getag said, in Nidu. "Wherever you go, there I am," Brian said to Hubu-auf-Getag, also in Nidu. "Remember that when your get into your next networked vehicle, Hubu-auf-Getag."

"No matter how you want to look at it, Robin Baker has a legitimate claim to the title of Fehen," Creek said, leading the discussion back from disembodied threats. "Your ascension rules allowed it. Your government's actions provoked it. Your ambassador's scheming set it in motion. It's all bad news for you, I'm afraid."

Hubu-auf-Getag glared at Creek. "Do you enjoy bringing bad news?"

"I don't enjoy it," Creek said. "But it is my job. I'm good at it."

"This is not right," Hubu-auf-Getag said. This got Robin's attention. "Right? Right?" she said, and stalked over to Hubu-auf-Getag. She jabbed a finger into his chest. "It's entirely right. Because of you, people have spent the last two weeks trying to kill me or kidnap me or sacrifice me so they can rule this crappy little planet of yours. You've tried to loll my friends. You're planning to attack and occupy my planet. This is the only way to get you to stop. Do you think I want to rule your planet? Do you think I have even the smallest concern about what you people do here? I could not care less. All I want is to go home and get back to my life. This the only way I know that I'll get to do it."

Hubu-auf-Getag paused to consider her words. "Perhaps we can reach some accommodation," he said.

"Sure," Robin said. "We can start by you recognizing that I am your Fehen. Your clan made the rules. I followed them. I am ruler here. don't bother trying to use any of your household appliances until you're ready to accept that."

Hubu-auf-Getag snarled and stalked away toward his phalanx.

"I don't think their household appliances are networked," Creek said to Robin.

"Who cares? It still seemed to work," Robin said.

Ben Javna had by this time made his way to the head of crowd. Creek waved at him to come through.

"I've got a message from Heffer, but first you have to tell me something," Ben said. "Brian—"

"It's really him, Ben," Creek said. "Part of him anyway. I'll explain it you later."

"You're right about that," Javna said.

"What does Heffer have to say?" Creek asked.

"He wants to know if you're really pulling this off, or if this is just some sort of enormous con," Javna said.

"Oh, it's the real thing, all right," Creek said.

"I figured it was," Javna said. "In which case Heffer wants to make an offer of alliance with your friend Robin. Not with Nidu, but with her—although we'll recognize her as the legitimate ruler of Nidu. And it comes with the offer to sponsor her for membership in the CC."

"A single-person nation in the CC," Creek said. "And I thought this had gotten weird enough already."

"You guys started it," Javna said.

"Let me pass the offer along," Creek said.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Javna said. He looked over to the image of Brian, who was talking to Takk. "When this is over, do you think I can talk to him?"

"I think you should," Creek said. "I know he wants to talk to you."