John Scalzi - The Android's Dream

Takk reached over and touched Robin on the arm. "We'll talk about this some more later," he said.

Robin squeezed his paw. "I'd really like that," she said. Takk departed.

"Nice to have a fan club," Creek said.

"No kidding," Robin said. "Although all this stuff about the 'Evolved Lamb' makes me nervous. Takk seems really nice—as nice as you can be and eat people, I mean—but I hope he's not going to be too upset when he eventually figures out I'm not some sort of mystical creature."

"Hold that thought," Creek said. "Because there have been some interesting developments."

"Yeah?" Robin said. "They can't be any stranger than hearing that you're supposed to be the divine object of worship."

"Robin," Creek said. "Do you trust me? I mean, do you really trust me. Trust me as in if I tell you something you'd be willing to do it, even if it seems irredeemably insane."

Robin stared at Creek for a minute, then started laughing. "Oh, God, Harry," she said, finally. "Since I've met you what have we done that's not been insane? Do you even realize how ridiculous your question is at this point?"

"So that's a 'yes,'" Creek said.

"It's a 'yes," Robin said. "I trust you with my life, Harry. It's worked for me so far. So hit me with what you've got."

"Well, let's start with the big one," Creek said. "You're your own nation."

Robin considered that for a moment. "For your sake, that had better not be a comment about the size of my ass," she said.

The shuttle landed inside the natural amphitheater and deposited Narf-win-Getag and Jean Schroeder, whose relationship to the Nidu Robin and Creek had learned from Takk. The two approached Creek and Robin when Takk stepped forward. "That's far enough," Takk said.

"Back off," Schroeder said. "Remember that you're working for me."

Takk leaned into Schroeder. "I don't work for you any more, little man," he said.

"Takk," Robin said. Takk eased back from Schroeder. "Thank you, Takk," she said.

"Are we going to play intimidation games all day," Narf-win-Getag said. "Or are we going to get to our negotiations? There is very little time, and I am quite busy."

"Yes, we're well aware of how busy you've been," Creek said. "Seeing that we spent some time earlier in the day avoiding some of your business."

"And well done, I must say," Narf-win-Getag said, to Creek. "You live up to your billing, Mr. Creek."

"That's Prime Minister Creek to you, Ambassador," Creek said.

"Is it now?" Narf-win-Getag said, bemused. "Well, isn't this interesting. An entire nation right here in front me. All two of you."

"Three," Takk said.

"But of course," Narf-win-Getag said. "Three it is. And I suppose you're the minister of defense."

"It's funny that you mock us," Robin said. "Considering that from what I hear, you were the reason this little nation exists."

"You are quite right, Miss Baker," Narf-win-Getag said. "Or is it Queen Robin? By all means, I don't wish to violate protocol by addressing you incorrectly."

"Miss Baker is fine," Robin said.

"Well then, Miss Baker, if you know that you are your own nation, then you may also know that my nation is at war with yours," Narf-win-Getag said. "Considering we outnumber your nation by about three billion to one, that's not good news for you."

"I thought we weren't going to play intimidation games, Ambassador," Creek said.

"My apologies," Narf-win-Getag said. "By all means, let's get to it."

"I'm going to make this simple," Creek said. "You want to take the crown of Nidu. Your flunky here"—Creek motioned to Jean Schroeder—"wants the Earth. You need Robin to make it happen."

"That's not quite true," Narf-win-Getag said. "I can make it happen without her help. It will just be… messier."

"And not guaranteed," Creek said. "Whereas with her, your ascension is uncontested and incontestable."

"Yes," Narf-win-Getag said.

"You realize now there's no way you can take her by force," Creek said.

"I would prefer to say that at this point it is impractical to do so," Narf-win-Getag said.

"However you want to say it, these are the facts before us," Creek said. "So let's make a deal. We—all three of us—are willing to accompany you to Nidu, in your ship. When we arrive at Nidu, Robin will take part in the ceremony to crown a new Fehen. But there are four conditions."

"Name them," Narf-win-Getag said.

"Condition one," Creek said. "Call off the war on Robin."

"I'm not Fehen yet," said Narf-win-Getag.

"But you control the Glar destroyers," Creek said. "Which means you control the Nidu military. You have it within your power to call off the dogs."

"So I do. You've done your homework, Minister Creek," Narf-win-Getag said.

"I am a diplomat by profession, Ambassador," Creek said. "I know how to do my job. Do you agree to the first condition?"

"I do," Narf-win-Getag. "I will have it formalized when I become Fehen."

"Condition two," Creek said. "Your gunship up there stands down and the Neverland is allowed to leave Chagfun intact."

"Not before you two are on my ship, and we've jumped into n-space," Narf-win-Getag said. "I don't want to risk the two of you—three of you, excuse me," Narf-win-Getag corrected himself, "nobly sacrificing yourself for the UNE."

"We'll arrange to have your ship and the Neverland make the jump into n-space simultaneously," Creek said. "Will you accept that?"

"Yes," Narf-win-Getag said. "Your third condition, Minister Creek."

"That Robin survives the coronation ceremony," Creek said. "The sheep used in the ceremony have always been slaughtered. Not this time."

"My understanding of the ceremony is that it requires the blood of the sheep and it requires a brain scan," Nerf-win-Getag. "Both can be done without killing Miss Baker. Agreed."

"Thank you," Creek said. Robin relaxed visibly.

"You said you had four conditions," Narf-win-Getag said.

"Condition four," Creek said, and pointed again to Jean Schroeder. "That man does not get the Earth."

"What?" Jean Schroeder said.

"He's a traitor to his own nation," Creek said. "He also conspired to assassinate the head of a nation whose sovereignty is recognized by the Common Confederation. He also tried to kill me. So, it's a personal thing. He goes or we go. It's nonnegotiable."

Jean Schroeder laughed. "Go to hell, Creek," he said.

"Agreed," Narf-win-Getag said.

"What? What?" Jean Schroeder said, and turned to Narf-win-Getag. "No, no, no. You can't cut me out of this, Narf. I made this happen for you. My father made this happen for you. You and your whole goddamned clan couldn't have done this without us. Now don't you dare think you can just put me to the side. You get Nidu. I get the Earth. That's always been the agreement. That is nonnegotiable. You don't need them to get the throne. But you need me."

"I needed you," Narf-win-Getag said, to Schroeder. "The tense is, I'm afraid, of critical importance here, Jean."

"Narf," Jean Schroeder said, and then whatever was coming next was lost as Narf-win-Getag backhanded Schroeder viciously across the jaw. Schroeder staggered backward, stunned; Narf-win-Getag struck him again and sent him sprawling onto the black rock of the amphitheater. Schroeder scrambled to get on his feet, but the larger, more muscular Nidu was on him, driving him back to ground and wrapping his hands around Schroeder's neck. Schroeder choked and gurgled and wheezed and died.

Narf-win-Getag stood, brushed himself off, and straightened his clothes. "I trust that will be sufficient assurance," he said to Creek.

"It was a little more than I was expecting," Creek said.

"Was it?" Narf-win-Getag said, and then it was his turn to laugh, in the Nidu way. "Really, now, Minister Creek. After all that happened—after all that's happened to you—did you really expect anything less from me?"