Anonymous - The memoirs of Dolly Morton

Oh what an unfortunate girl I am. What shall I do! What shall I do! I kept on saying to myself despairingly. After a time, however, my tears ceased to flow, though I continued to sob. Then a dull, apathetic feeling came over me. I grew drowsy and at last I sobbed myself to sleep.

Strange to say, I slept soundly. When I awoke it was broad daylight. Sitting up in bed, I looked at my ravisher, who still was sleeping calmly, and I wondered how he could rest so quietly after having ruined a poor, defenseless girl.

I had a headache and also a heartache, and, on looking at myself in the mirror on the toilet table near the bed, I saw that my face was pale and that there were some dark patches under my eyes. I felt very wretched and forlorn, but my brain was quite clear, so I was able to review my unhappy position with a certain amount of calmness.

And it was an unhappy position without doubt! I was a ruined girl. I had no money, and I had lost my only friend. (I felt that I could never, under any circumstances, go back to Miss Dean.) What then was to become of me? I thought over everything and at last came to the conclusion that I should have to remain at Woodlands, for a time at any rate; after all, it was the only thing I could do. So I determined to try to make the best of my position as it was at the moment, and to trust to chance for the future. As I have already told you, I disliked Randolph. But, since I was going to stay at Woodlands, I made up my mind to conceal my true feelings and to let him think that I was quite willing to live with him. It would be to my advantage to do so.

Presently he woke, and, after yawning and stretching himself, he kissed me, saying with a smile: Well Dolly, how do you feel this morning? A little sore between the legs, I suppose.

I blushed, but acting upon my resolution to make the best of things, I forced myself to smile, answering lightly: Yes, I am rather tender, but I suppose the soreness soon will pass off.

He kissed me again, saying: I am glad to see you are taking the affair sensibly, not whining or complaining. The thing’s done and can’t be undone. I’ll make you very comfortable at Woodlands, and it will be your own fault if you are not happy. I am an easy man to get on with when I have my own way, he added with a laugh.

He then played with my breasts and felt my bottom till he was ready to proceed to more sophisticated endeavors. Then, placing me in position, he rolled my nightdress up to my chin and got into me for the second time. Since there now was no obstacle in the way, a very few movements of his loins were sufficient to drive the weapon up to the hilt in the sheath. He poked me with full force.

I suffered a good deal while the great thing was being worked up and down in the sore, raw folds of my spot. The pain made me grind my teeth and utter little cries. Again I was forced by nature to heave my bottom up and down to his strokes and, when the spasm seized me, I wriggled and squirmed till I had received every drop of his offering. I did not by any means like my second poke, but it had not been so intensely repugnant to me as the first.

Randolph sat up and now looked at me as I lay on my back, breathing hard with flushed cheeks and moist eyes. It did not hurt you so very much that time, did it Dolly? he observed.

No-o, not so very much, I replied in a shaky voice. I was feeling rather inclined to cry, for the spot was smarting dreadfully.

Oh, you’ll soon get used to it, and then you’ll like it, he remarked, laughing at my woebegone face.

I thought to myself that I might get used to it, but I did not think I should ever get to like it.

Just then there was a knock at the door and Susan, one of the chambermaids, came in with tea and toast. She came to the bedside and placed the tray on a little table, her eyes resting for a moment on us as we lay side by side. The girl’s face was perfectly expressionless, but I felt ashamed that she should see me in bed with her master. My cheeks grew hot, and I did not know which way to look.

She got my bath ready and tidied the room, picking up my clothes, which were all scattered about the floor where Randolph had thrown them when he stripped me overnight. Then she left the room and we drank our tea, which was most refreshing to me, for I was faint and thirsty. Randolph then got up and, taking his garments, went to his own apartments, leaving me alone to dress.

While having my bath I examined the spot, finding the inner lips red and swollen. Then I bathed them well with cold water. After completing my toilet, I went downstairs, and, going out to the garden, betook myself to a secluded spot, where I sat down on a long, cane chair under a magnolia tree.

It was a beautiful morning. The sun, though not high, was shining brightly in a cloudless sky of pale blue. The birds were twittering. A soft breeze was blowing. Drops of dew still were sparkling on the gossamer grass and were festooning the bushes, and the air was filled with the sweet scent of flowers.

I felt very languid, so, putting my feet up on the chair, I leaned back, inhaling the fresh morning air and feeling a great sensation of relief at being alone. After the trying time which I had gone through, the calm and quiet of everything had a soothing effect upon me and my heart seemed to grow a little less heavy.

In about half an hour’s time I returned to the house and went into the breakfast room.

Randolph soon made his appearance and we sat down to the morning meal.

My appetite was not as good as usual. I felt ill at ease in the presence of the man who had taken my maidenhead, and, whenever I caught his eye, I could not help blushing. He, however, was quite at his ease, chatting away gaily throughout the meal; when it was over, he ordered his horse to be brought and then he went off to the plantation to make a round of inspection after his absence.

Shortly after he had gone, Dinah came into the room and, handing me a basket of keys, asked me respectfully to give her my orders for the day. I noticed that she no longer called me Missy but addressed me as Missus.

Since I did not want to be bothered with the housekeeping of such a large establishment, I told Dinah to keep the keys and to carry on the management as before. She appeared glad to hear that she was not going to be deprived of her authority, and, taking the basket of keys, went away smiling.

Randolph did not come back to lunch, so I ate by myself in the big dining room, waited on by Lucy and Kate. When I had finished, I went to the library, where I spent the afternoon reading. I did not feel inclined to take walking exercise that day.

Randolph came home late, so I did not see him till we met at dinner at seven o’clock. My appetite was returning, so I managed to partake of some of the tasty dishes. I also drank a glass of champagne, which I liked, as it exhilarated me slightly without affecting my head.

The evening passed, and we went upstairs to my room at eleven o’clock.

Randolph allowed me to undress myself, and, while I was doing so, he sat on a chair watching me. We soon were in bed, and, a few moments afterwards, I found myself groaning and wincing as the dart was being forced for the third time into my still-tender flesh.

Before I got up in the morning, I had twice again wiggled my bottom and squirmed in Randolph’s arms.

Some time passed. I had settled down to my life at Woodlands, adapting myself to my surroundings and endeavoring not to think of the future.

A dressmaker from Richmond paid several visits to the house, and I was well supplied with pretty frocks of all sorts for morning and evening wear, as well as a quantity of fine, richly-laced undergarments, silk stockings of all colors and numerous pairs of shoes. I had also a riding costume with breeches and boots; a horse was always at my disposal, and I was learning to ride. Randolph had also given me a lot of jewelry; he always made me dress for dinner in a low-necked frock, and one of the octoroons, a girl named Rosa, had been specially appointed to act as my maid.