Anonymous - The memoirs of Dolly Morton

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Oh! Why had I not sufficient fortitude to bear the pain! If I had refused to accept release on the shameful terms which he had offered, I should in a few hours have been on my way to Richmond with Miss Dean!

I thought of her, and contrasted her position with mine. She was all right, except for the whipping, and in a couple of days would be safe at home in Philadelphia, still in possession of her virgin treasure-while I would be at Woodlands, a prisoner in the hands of a man who had shown himself to be utterly unscrupulous.

And what was to become of me afterwards? Oh dear! Oh dear! I said to myself. How I wish I had never persuaded Miss Dean to let me come to Virginia with her!

The morning passed, and at one o’clock Dinah came to tell me that lunch was ready. I went downstairs and managed to have something to eat. Then I betook myself to the library, where I remained for the rest of the afternoon trying to divert my thoughts by reading a novel At seven o’clock I sat down to a dainty, well-cooked little dinner-a better dinner than I ever had seen, frankly, since Miss Dean always lived very plainly. The two quadroon parlormaids, whose names were Lucy and Kate, waited on me, while Dinah, as Butler, overlooked them.

Dinah had the key to everything and was entirely trusted by her master. She offered me champagne, claret and bottled ale, but I refused them all. However, I made a fair meal, for I was a healthy girl and my appetite asserted itself in spite of the depressing nature of the position I was in at the moment. When dinner was over, I went into one of the smaller sitting rooms where the lamps had been lighted, the curtains drawn and everything made snug for me. But the evening seemed very long, and I felt very lonely. I should have liked Dinah’s company, for her quaint talk would have amused me a little. But I did not think that it would be quite correct for me to send for her, and she, I suppose, did not think it right to intrude upon me. So I did not see her until I went up to my room, when she came to brush my hair and to help me undress.

CHAPTER EIGHT

News arrives that the Massa is returning; my virginity is to be sacrificed; fears and dread; I am given a scented bath; tortured in the tyrant’s bed; the pain and horror of the wedding-night; the lust of his eyes; the terror of his tearing, iron-made tool.

Four days passed in the quiet way narrated in the preceding chapter. On the fifth morning of my captivity, when Dinah came in with my usual cup of tea, she informed me that she had received a letter from her master-she could read, but not write-telling her that he would be home at seven o’clock to dinner and that she was to take care that it was a good one.

I sat up in bed, looking blankly at Dinah and feeling a sinking sensation at my heart, for, though I had known that the fatal moment would come, I was startled at hearing that it was close at hand.

I got up, had my bath and dressed myself mechanically, then went downstairs. But I could not eat any breakfast, though I thirstily drank two cups of coffee. All day long, I was restless and uncomfortable. I roamed about the great house with a sort of feeling that I was in a dream and would soon wake. Sometimes I would sit down on a chair with my mind quite blank. Then, in another moment, the thought of what was going to be done to me would strike my brain with a sudden shock that sent the blood to my cheeks.

I dreaded the ordeal before me, morally as well as physically. Even a newly-wedded bride on the day of her marriage feels a little shame and fear at the thought of what her husband will do to her at night. But what could I do?-

The afternoon wore slowly away, and, at five o’clock, I was sitting listlessly in my room when Dinah came in followed by one of the chambermaids carrying a bathtub. Placing it in the middle of the room, the girl filled it with warm water. Then she went away, but Dinah remained.

Since I had taken my bath in the morning, I could not understand why the girl had again filled the tub- and with hot water too. I was not in the habit of bathing in hot water. I don’t want a bath, Dinah, I said.

No, Missy, I knows you don’t, you is bootiful clean. But I’se had orders in de letters from de Massa to give you a scented bath. I must obey his orders, whatever dey is, or he will whip me. Now den, honey, you’ll let me give you de bath.

I flushed with a strong feeling of indignation. I also felt deeply humiliated. The victim was to be bathed and perfumed before the sacrifice!

However, Dinah had to obey orders, so I told her that she might bathe me. She evidently was relieved, and at once began to prepare the scented bath.

First she poured some fluid from a phial into the water; next she threw in a quantity of white powder, which had a delicate perfume of roses; then she stirred the water until the powder was completely dissolved. (I found out afterwards that the fluid and the powder were Turkish preparations used by the ladies of a harem to impart a softness and gloss to their skins.) When everything was ready, she undressed me. Then, making me stand up in the bath, she sponged me all over with the warm, perfumed water, at the same time praising the symmetry and plumpness of my figure and the whiteness of my skin. When she had finished bathing me, she dried me with soft, warm towels, then rubbed me with her hands from head to foot and with her fingers gently kneaded my breasts and arms, also my bottom, thighs and legs, until my flesh seemed to become firmer and my skin smoother and more velvety than usual.

She then began to dress me, putting on my nicest things. She first put on me a lace-trimmed chemise with blue ribbons on the shoulders, then my finest drawers with deep lace frilling and bows of pink ribbon at the knees. Next she drew on my legs a pair of white silk stockings, fastening them above my knees with dark blue satin garters with silver buckles.

Then she cased my feet in my neatest shoes, put on my nicest petticoats and laced me tightly in my stays. Finally she put on me my prettiest white frock. Then she brushed my hair and arranged it most elaborately.

She was delighted with my appearance and, after turning me around two or three times, exclaimed: Oh Missy! You is a bootiful young lady for true. De Massa will be pleased when he sees you.

Dinah knew that she had bathed, perfumed and dressed me for the sacrifice, but she did not understand what a dreadful thing it would be to me. She was not a virtuous woman herself, and her ideas, like those of most slave women, were very loose on the subject of feminine virtue. Besides, I think that she considered me a lucky young lady to have attracted the notice of De Massa, who in her eyes was a very exalted personage indeed.

Now that I was dressed, she suggested that I go to the drawing room so as to be in readiness to receive the master on his return. Accordingly I went down to the great room, which had been brilliantly lighted, and seated myself on a sofa. I had become dully resigned to my fate, but my heart was heavy as I waited in the gorgeous apartment for the man who was going to rob me of my virginity. If I had had the slightest liking for him I should not have felt the thing so much. But I did not like him. I hated him.

Presently I heard the sound of wheels on the terrace. Then I heard the hall door being opened and shut. He had arrived! My heart began to flutter, though not with the pleasurable anticipation of a young girl wafting for her lover.

But Randolph did not make his appearance, so I supposed that he had gone straight to his own room to change his traveling garments. Such was the case. In a short time he came into the drawing room, dressed in evening clothes.

I rose from my seat. He came to me, took both my hands in his and kissed me hotly on the lips, making me shrink and tremble. Then, holding me at arms’ length, he looked at me from head to foot in a critical way, as if he were appraising my charms, while I stood with flaming cheeks and downcast eyes.

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