Violet Blue - The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio - How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure

The best course of action when you’re concerned that you won’t be able to achieve or sustain an erection is a piece of frustrating, though accurate, advice: relax. Stressing out about having a hard-on creates inner tension and turmoil, making it almost impossible to access the neural pathway whereby the brain engages the cock—sometimes physical stimulation can conquer the inner demons, but not always. Anxiety, anger, and guilt kill erections, period. However, if you are experiencing pain or numbing, or if you are taking medication that may effect erections or are having other health problems, talk to your doctor about what’s going on. Just keep in mind that your doctor will first tell you that men with healthy erections have low-fat diets, get plenty of exercise, maintain a healthy weight, and don’t smoke.

Every man is likely to have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection at some point in his life. According to the National Institutes of Health, between ten and thirty million American men have consistent trouble. Causes may include the following:

DRUGS OR MEDICATION

• Anti-anxiety meds, such as BuSpar, Valium, and Xanax

• Antidepressants, including Prozac and Zoloft

• Antifungal meds, such as Flagyl, Diflucan, and Nizoral

• High blood pressure meds, including Inderal and Lopressor

• Party drugs such as crystal meth (speed), cocaine, alcohol, ecstasy, and pot

• Drugs for substance abuse, such as Anabuse and methadone

• Ulcer meds, such as Tagamet

HEALTH CONDITIONS AND OTHER CAUSES

• Arteriosclerosis

• Diabetes

• High cholesterol/high blood pressure

• Low testosterone from age or HIV

• Neurological issues, possibly from an accident, surgery, MS, or Parkinson’s disease

• Prostate problems

• Smoking

• Stress and depression

To have better, stronger, and more dependable erections, have more of them. Your penis is comprised of more than 50 percent muscle—smooth muscles, not the kind you can bulk up. In order to be healthy and function properly, this muscle tissue needs oxygen, which it gets in the form of blood that flows in when you’re aroused. The best way to keep the tissue oxygenated is to include regular sexual stimulation in your daily life, such as masturbation or sex with a partner.

And while we’re working on your new sexual exercise routine, don’t forget to do your Kegels. Dr. Arnold Kegel was a gynecologist who taught women to strengthen their pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, initially to help with incontinence. The side effect turned out to be more (and stronger) orgasms for the women who practiced the exercises regularly. Men have the same muscles lining the pelvic floor, and when they do their Kegels, their orgasms become more powerful and last longer; some men also report a faster recovery time between erections.

To find your Kegel muscles, stop the flow of urine midstream. These are the muscles you want to flex. Do Kegels anywhere, anytime you feel comfortable. A daily routine is recommended: start by contracting the muscles for a count of three, five to ten times. Then do a series of rapid squeezes in sets of fifteen. As time goes by, you can increase your reps, and experiment with holding your contractions for longer periods of time.

Early ejaculation is often considered the curse of young men, or men who are new to having sexual experiences. It’s frustrating when it happens, even more so when you are no longer young or new to sex. In truth, it’s a common thing that happens to most men, and it happens to all men at some point in their lifetime.

If you’re young or new to sex, then you can rest assured that control will soon be yours with a little time and experience. If early ejaculation stems from hypersensitivity, you can use a condom or even two, and experiment with frequent masturbation to decrease your penis’s sensitivity. But if you just plain keep coming before you’re ready, and you’ve checked in with your partner and they have expressed the desire for you to last longer, you have a couple of options.

Try using the squeeze technique. This is done by placing a hand at the tip of your penis so that the thumb is on the underside, pressing on the frenulum (brush up on your anatomy in chapter 2, “The Anatomy of a Man’s Pleasure”), with the fingertips placed on either side of the coronal ridge. When you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, squeeze for three or four seconds, then release. This will make your erection subside a little, and you should wait about thirty seconds before continuing with sexual stimulation. The squeeze technique can be used three or four times during your encounter, and as a delicious side effect, it will make your orgasm very powerful. Some men prefer squeezing at the base of their penis, or instead of squeezing, pulling their balls down—experiment on your own during masturbation to see what works best. Then try it with your partner; some men enjoy having their partner do the squeezing.

An alternative solution is the stop-start technique. At the same point that you would employ the squeeze technique, stop the stimulation altogether until the feeling of impending orgasm subsides. Practice this once a day, and see how long you can make the waiting period last. The more you practice, the more control you’ll have over your orgasms.

I was very close to coming, but every time I was just about to explode, she would momentarily stop her oral actions and squeeze me firmly at the base with her fingers. Over the next few minutes she performed this maneuver three more times, and I was going crazy, on the verge of coming but not. It felt sooo good.

You might have noticed that I’m enthusiastic about masturbation. Masturbation is the cornerstone of our sexuality—it’s where we build our fantasies and learn how we like to be touched. Masturbation is a source of release on many levels. Unfortunately, our culture has a restrictive view of it and tends to shroud masturbation in a cloak of shame or failure—but that is changing with the times. Still, some guys might see jacking off as a negative thing: a self-defeating substitute for partnered sex, a secret shame, an admission of guilt. These ideas are damaging, and if you are coping with these feelings when you want to masturbate, consider what effect these self-deprecating thoughts may have on your emotions, and your emotional future.

It can be difficult to release guilt if your sexual fantasies are making you uncomfortable. An erotic fantasy is a thought, idea, image, or scenario that is sexually interesting to you. It doesn’t have to turn you on; or it may turn you on a little, or a lot. If you think you don’t fantasize, think again. Fantasies can emerge from your erotic imagination in different forms; they can be detailed or fragmented. We may see famous people that are attractive and imagine that our lives overlap. We revisit memories of times we have enjoyed, and they make us feel good in the present. Often, we envision scenarios that have never happened and some that aren’t even possible. Sometimes we tell others what we have done, making a fantasy for them—or us—come true. Whatever shape your fantasies take, looking at them can open doors to understanding what arouses you and allow you to tap into new channels of erotic expression—channels that work for you.

For some people, fantasies aren’t an area they care to explore. Because they come from our imagination, and therefore are connected with our subconscious, fantasies can be startling, unpredictable, and sometimes even shocking. When we become aroused it’s easy to surrender ourselves to whatever movie we’re running in our heads, and push it in the direction that gets us closer to orgasm—but sometimes afterward, we might realize that what got us off was beyond what we deem acceptable in our daily lives. It’s easy to feel guilty after a fantasy has gone somewhere we find unpleasant or offensive. Admitting this guilt can make us feel shame about sex, our desires, or even who we are. Especially if the fantasy was powerful and included something that we would never do in real life, like degrade ourselves or betray a loved one. When fantasies move toward the arenas of everyday life (as they are bound to do), they can manifest in ways that make us uncomfortable.