Violet Blue - The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio - How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure

And now he’s turned on by teatime.

When his cock presses against the back of my throat, I reach one hand up to find his balls as he sets the rhythm of the ride. The light caress of my still-gloved fingers takes Charlie to a higher level.

“That, Julie,” he whispers urgently. “Keep doing that.”

My fingertips make gentle circles as my mouth sucks harder. Careful rotations of soft fabric against even softer skin. The two differing sensations make Charlie close his eyes and moan, thrusting even harder and then holding still. Sealing himself to me. I’m growing wetter beneath the silly ruffles of the dress, and I look up from my position on the floor and see pink-orange sunlight filtering through the scalloped lace edge of the tablecloth.

It’s going to be a long afternoon.

Four-ish. Every Thursday. Our place.

We own our own mismatched tea service now, purchased for pennies at a second-hand store. And a small selection of teas resides in our cabinet, seemingly out of place near the bottles of exotic tequila and Johnny Walker Black Label. Charlie sets the scene himself, his large hands working to stay calm as he envisions the pleasures that await him. Delicate teacups rattle on their saucers. Petite cookies jump on the plate as he sets it onto the tray.

I put one hand on his to slow him down, and then we partake in the ritualistic and aristocratic pleasure of high tea.

I’m going to start this chapter, the chapter for the man who will, I hope, soon be receiving fellatio, with a broad, sweeping statement: you guys are expected to know everything. Everything, especially about sex. In our culture, men are expected to take the lead, know what to do, know how everything works, and have all the answers in bed— not to ask questions. Not to be filled with wonder at the mysteries of the human body and pleasure. And definitely not to explore the far reaches of your desire or push the boundaries of conventional male sexuality. The worst part is that there’s a serious lack of ways for men to find answers, unless you know where to look. It’s hard for men to even ask the questions, something that you’ll eventually need to give yourself permission to do, and feel okay about. I look at how men are stereotyped, layered with expectations, and given few options, and I think that you got a raw deal. The deck is stacked against you.

Male sexuality is grossly oversimplified and stereotyped everywhere you turn. Movies, advertising, and other forms of popular culture reinforce the narrow sex box you’re supposed to fit in, and most sex guides are no better. You’re either one way or the other: you know all the answers and everything’s okay, or you don’t. You’re either gay or straight, with no fuzzy lines anywhere in between. That’s how we have come to see male sexuality, and if a man isn’t sure about sex or wants to find out more, or maybe wants to try a sex act or idea that’s outside the box, he gets labeled. The guidebooks, and practically everything else relating to men and sex, seem to be convinced that all guys want to do is “insert, thrust, repeat,” and they think that to speak to men about sex they need to either use pithy, punchy sports euphemisms or employ an overly academic tone. How insulting it all is.

Sexuality is a spectrum of expression for everyone. There will always be new desires to explore and new things to investigate, try, reject, try again…

Fellatio as a sex act is deceptively simple. Just stick your dick into your partner’s waiting mouth—and bam! Right? Well, not quite. There’s plenty to learn about being a great receptive fellatio partner. You’ll be surprised—and aroused—as you find out the many ways that you can receive pleasure through oral stimulation. So, roll up your sleeves, and dig in.

It all begins with desire. Arousal, lust, need, passion, and the specific desire to feel your partner’s mouth envelop your penis and lick your testicles, scrotum, and anus. Or perhaps it’s your partner’s desire that’s doing the talking. At some point in the erotic dance you share with your partner, you’ll know that soon you will be on the receiving end of oral sex.

As they say, it takes two to tango, and you and your lover are two equal halves of the fellatio experience. When you’re with a new partner experimenting with new sexual expressions (such as adding fellatio to your routine), paying attention to what’s going on for both of you is crucial.

The first time I got head, I was utterly terrified after the first 60 seconds—not because I thought I was doing something wrong, but because it didn’t feel good. I mean, it felt OK, but it wasn’t the mind-blowing experience I had been led to believe it would be. As a matter of fact, I was pretty bored. I just lay there while my girlfriend went up and down methodically on my dick… and I started to lose my hard-on long before I was anywhere close to coming. I felt horrible—as if I was doing something wrong. It took me a long time to figure out that getting head is an active process—you have to stay involved with your partner, your fantasy, your erotic connection, or you just become a passive bump on a log, and that’s not sexy at all.

I’m not just talking about physical safety for you and your partner, but the emotional temperature of both participants. If you’re both comfortable with fellatio, have clearly agreed to proceed, and are both fine with the sometimes fuzzy boundaries of control between giver and receiver in the fellatio exchange, then you’re in great shape. But if it’s your first time receiving oral sex or your partner’s first time performing it, if you feel unsure or anxious about something, or if your partner is reluctant for any reason, you’ll need to find out everything you can about your own physical situation, and what’s going on with your partner, before you get started.

First times have that funny catch-22 of being simultaneously scary and unforgettable. With a partner who is giving fellatio for the first time, you’ll want to be more supportive than you would have ever thought necessary—patience, words of encouragement, slow pacing, and the willingness to stop at any time will help ensure a first time you’ll want to remember. If oral sex is something you’ve requested but your partner is reluctant, be aware of the pressure they may be feeling; explore their concerns in conversation, and hand them a chapter of this book to read when they need concrete answers about anything pertaining to fellatio. And understand that some people may never feel completely comfortable with fellatio, for whatever reasons, and that they will need to experience their feelings at their own pace.

If your partner wants to perform oral sex with you, and you feel there’s something bad about sex or your genitals, please tell them so they don’t feel hurt by your rejection of their desires. Or if you’re shy, try handing them a chapter of this book.

Perhaps you’re the one stressing—about receiving oral sex. Anxiety can be no laughing matter when you’re about to have a lover touch, look at, and taste your genitals. Get to the bottom of your stress by finding out what’s interfering with your willingness or ability to receive pleasure. Are you unsure about the notion that your partner wants to put their face between your legs, let alone put your penis in their mouth? Take my word on it—our collective discomfort with our genitals is not limited by gender. Everyone worries about appearance, comparisons, and performance. Whether you’re a newcomer or an experienced recipient of oral pleasure, you might be concerned about how you look, how you respond to the sensations, or what your partner might think about you. So get comfortable, and read on.