Tristan Taormino - The Ultimate Guide to Kink - BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge

And finally, one of the most powerful methods of restraint doesn’t use any physical means at all. It’s your voice. “Keep that pretty mouth open.” “I don’t want to see you looking at me.” “Good boy, you’re sitting exactly where I left you.” When both people are into it, this is intoxicating.

Weave your hand into a fist in the hair underneath the back of the head. Hold and pull by the roots. Grabbing any other part of the hair can cause the hair to rip from the scalp, causing distracting, undesired pain. You can lead your lover where you want her by this technique. If the receiver is on top, this is a great way to tip your willing prey back to fuck deeply. Use caution; don’t jerk the neck or head.

In some cultures, spitting is seen as the deepest of insults. Regardless of where you live, spitting saliva on or at someone is disgusting at worst or humiliating at best. Yes, I said at best. There are lots of people whose kink has them hungry to be objectified, humiliated, and degraded in a sexy context . Desiring this is not a mark of low self-esteem as long as the parties involved don’t let this dynamic leak into nonsex situations. Spitting on or getting spit in the face, on the chest or breasts, or in the mouth are the definition of sexy to more people than you might imagine. Sometimes simply because it is considered so unacceptable, the shock of this unpredictable act can cement a sought-after power dynamic into place.

Some folks use saliva as lube—forget it. It dries up quickly and does nothing for the receiver. It might work to ease some friction for a hand job on a penis or dildo, but that’s about where its usefulness ends. Saliva itself is not known to carry HIV. It is possible, however, to transmit STIs if there is blood in the saliva due to cuts or sores in the mouth.

As with every other sex activity in this book, don’t knock it if you’ve never tried it. You never know…

Blow jobs on a cock or dildo can be filthy hot and can be used in rough sex in endless ways. For example:

• Steer his head by his hair as he sucks your dick. Lift his mouth off you to spit on his face, kiss his pretty mouth, slap his face, tell him how good a job he’s doing, what a worthless whore he is and not worth the money you’ve given him. Let him breathe as you gently stroke his face. Rinse and repeat.

• Pin her head against the wall or floor, or tell her to lie on her back, her head draped over the side of the bed. Fuck her face. Make her masturbate at the same time.

• Bind him to a chair by his hands and feet, legs spread wide. Suck his cock, bringing him almost to climax but not quite. Let him squirm against the butt plug.

• Put a butt plug in your ass and another one in his and because you both love to share, suck each other off simultaneously.

Deep Throat

Sometimes considered the holy grail by both the giver (the sucker) and receiver (the suckee), taking someone’s cock fully in your mouth down to the balls is definitely hot, both physically and visually. It’s also not always physiologically possible. The length, shape, and thickness of the cock or dildo and how wide the jaw can open are important considerations. To avoid gagging, drop the back of your palate as if your throat was yawning. Can’t or don’t want to take that big thing in your mouth? Wrap one hand around the base of the shaft and push your mouth down only far enough to meet your hand. This is a great visual, it jerks him off at the same time, and the giver only takes what she can in her throat. Winners, all.

Some people like to gag; they really get off on the gagging sounds, seeing the tears from the giver’s eyes as the air is choked out of him, and the long threads of spit and mucus that trail from the head of a cock when a gagger’s mouth is pulled back and off the cock. One fetish includes making the giver vomit as well.

I love kissing and biting. Gently, sweetly, firmly, menacingly. I love to bite the tongue, the lips—both inside and outside. I love to run my open mouth against the sides and top of my lover’s head—teeth pressing firm and solid. I love to bite the cheeks and neck, back, calves, feet—anything, everything—forcing my lover to wonder, shuddering, what I might do next. I love to find a wide part of flesh, and slowly close my lips and mouth and press my teeth deep, not hard enough to break skin—but just enough to leave my mark.

You’d think our mouths only had tongues, lips, and gums when it comes to sex. Let’s change that.

Teeth are toys you carry with you all the time. Nipping, nibbling, teeth dragging, and lots of variations of biting can be part of your sex vocabulary. Hold off on the slurping, lip smacking, or steady chewing—trust me, not so sexy. As with all other techniques I’ve discussed, start gently. The more you warm up someone’s flesh, the longer and perhaps deeper they will be able to go. The longer you maintain the bite, the more pain is registered. The smaller the area of skin that is pressed between the teeth, the more painful it is. Givers, be random yet conscious of what, where, and how you bite. Receivers: Ask your lover to bite you. Pay attention to how much you can receive and where it feels best, and don’t be bashful about telling your partner when something feels wonderful or horrid.

Biting can mark or break the skin, leaving teeth marks and bruises. Unless you and your partner are fluid-bonded—you are aware of each other’s HIV and STI test results and agree to exchange bodily fluids—don’t draw blood. This isn’t about vampirism (though that’s a sexy fetish, for sure). Any STI that can be transmitted through blood can be transferred through biting. Even kissing carries risks of infection, including hepatitis A, hepatitis B, and herpes.

It’s pretty common for biting and sucking to go together, aka biting with hickeys. Check in about marks before or during your sex tumble; a few simple words (“Are marks okay?”) usually will do the trick. But remember, once the adrenalin and endorphins kick in, it’s easy to get “sex-stupid” and say yes to everything. Have the “marks” chat before or early in the game. If you don’t know that marks are okay, avoid leaving them. And, right, there are no guarantees. Just make sure either that your partner doesn’t have that family beach reunion tomorrow or that he wants to wear the memory of your chompers with pride.

Full-mouth biting is sensuous personified. Very light can tickle, very heavy can be excruciating. Find meaty or soft spots like arms, breasts, pecs, the back of the neck, and the ass. Use extra awareness and caution with the side of the neck (those tendons can hurt in that bad way), taut muscles, bone, the genitals, the inner thighs, and the face.

Finally, biting doesn’t have to hurt but it can—a lot. Each of us has a different pain threshold. Watch your partner, and if it is your wont, play on the edge of what she can take. If she says stop, you stop. Use a safeword. Here are some ideas:

• Drag your teeth across the shoulder, thigh, belly, back, breast, top of head (hair and all), butt. Vary the speed and depth of the drag.

• Bite slowly and repeatedly in the same place, building tension and depth.

• Open your mouth wide and press it against the meaty flesh of your choice (back, belly, ass). Slowly sink your teeth in. Close your mouth slowly and steadily, pressing, gripping, and holding. You can let off the pressure, but don’t release the bite. You can also gently shake your head, as a lion shakes its kill. Your partner will swoon, ache, throb, squirm. Your goal isn’t necessarily to inflict pain but to cause such out-of-the-ordinary, exquisite sensations that his head begins to pop off.