Tristan Taormino: The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge

Copyright © 2012 by Tristan Taormino.

Illustrations copyright @ 2012 by Katie Diamond

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press, Inc.,

2246 Sixth Street, Berkeley, California 94710.

eISBN : 978-1-573-44782-9

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

The ultimate guide to kink : BDSM, role play, and the erotic edge / edited by Tristan Taormino.

p. cm.

eISBN : 978-1-573-44782-9

1. Bondage (Sexual behavior) 2. Sadomasochism. I. Taormino, Tristan, 1971-

HQ79.U485 2012

306.77’5--dc23

2011049976

1 Some elements of this introduction, including the concept of kinky people as lifelong learners, are adapted from my 2009 keynote talk for Winter Wickedness in Columbus, Ohio. My thanks to Barak and Brat Sheba of Adventures in Sexuality for inviting me to give that talk.

2 The roots of the phrase are in the concept of lifelong learning, defined in a statement by the European Lifelong Learning Initiative and the American Council on Education: “Lifelong learning is the development of human potential through a continuously supportive process which stimulates and empowers individuals to acquire all the knowledge, values, skills, and understanding they will require throughout their lifetimes and to apply them with confidence, creativity and enjoyment in all roles, circumstances, and environments.” Norman Longworth and Keith W. Davies, Lifelong Learning: New Vision, New Implications, New Roles for People, Organizations, Nations and Communities in the 21st Century (London: Kogan Page, 1996), 22.

1 Among those who identify with dominance and submission, many use capitalization in their writing to reflect their power dynamic (as in Dominant/ submissive, D/s, Master/slave, etc.). Further, they may capitalize names and pronouns that refer to a Dominant while those that refer to a submissive are written lowercase. For example, a submissive might write: Mistress is very particular; i hope She appreciates the way i set the table. In this book you will see both styles, depending on the individual author’s preference. I will use the term D/s (capitalizing Dominant and lowercasing submissive ) but otherwise adhere to traditional capitalization rules. My goal is uniformity; I do not mean to disregard or disrespect anyone’s preferences.

2 Leather Archives & Museum, “Leather History Timeline,” http://www.leath-erarchives.org/resources/resource.htm, accessed June 6, 2011; Guy Baldwin, Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style: Issues, Commentaries and Advice , 2nd ed. (Los Angeles: Daedalus Publishing Company, 1993).

3 These lists are not exhaustive; they are examples of some of the activities about which you can find books and classes or that you may see at a play party.

4 David Stein, “Safe Sane Consensual: The Evolution of a Shibboleth,” VASM Scene: The Newsletter of Vancouver Activists in S/M (September/October 2002); online at http://www.leatherleadership.org/library/safesanestein.htmand http://www.rosecoloredasses.com/SirReal/ssc.pdf. The phrase “safe, sane, and consensual” first appeared in an August 1983 report by members of a Gay Male S/M Activists (GMSMA) committee that was formed to draft a statement of purpose for the organization; it is credited to David Stein, a member of that committee. Stein writes about its origin and unexpected adoption as a community motto in his essay.

5 The term RACK is attributed to Gary Switch, who first proposed it on the Eulenspiegel Society’s Listserv “TES-Friends” in 1999. Gary Switch, “Origin of RACK: RACK vs. SSC,” Prometheus 31 (May 1999); online at http://thirst-forbdsmknowledge.blogspot.com/2006/09/origin-of-rack-rack-vs.html.

6 Stein, 6.

1 Chasing the Jersey, “Why I Sleep With Athletes And Why You Should, Too,” December 24, 2010, http://www.sportsgrid.comnfl/chasing-the-jersey-why-i-sleep-with-athletes-and-why-you-should-too/.

1. I deliberately use the plural pronouns they , them , and their to refer to singular persons of any gender, in place of “he or she,” “him or her,” “his or her.” Although this is nonstandard grammatical usage, the traditional forms reflect a gender binary to which I do not subscribe.

1 Ovid (43 BC–AD 17), The Art of Love , quoted in Sexual Life in Ancient Rome , by Otto Kiefer (Taylor & Francis, 1956), 239.

2 Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing, Psychopathia Sexualis (Stuttgart, Germany: Verlag Von Ferdinand Enke, 1886), 109.

3 In addition, subsequent behavioral descriptors of sadism do not include behavior toward animals.

4 Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom and Other Writings (New York: Grove Press, 1987), 642.

5 Marquis de Sade, 642.

6 Marquis de Sade, Justine, The Complete Marquis de Sade, Volume 1 , John S. Yankowski, trans. (Los Angeles: Holloway House Publishing, 2005), 65.

7 Krafft-Ebing, 53.

8 This general definition of paraphilia is from Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 11th ed. Psychiatric definition: “The essential features of a Paraphilia are recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges or behaviors generally involving (1) nonhuman objects, (2) the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner, or (3) children or other nonconsenting persons that occur over a period of at least 6 months.” The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), American Psychiatric Association (Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2000), 573.

9 The language of the DSM-IV-TR reads: “The diagnosis is made if the behavior [see previous note], sexual urges, or fantasies cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.” American Psychiatric Association, 573.

10 Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary , 11th ed.

1 As in my previous chapter, I deliberately use the plural pronouns they , them , and their to refer to singular persons of any gender, in place of “he or she,” “him or her,” “his or her.” Although this is nonstandard grammatical usage, the traditional forms reflect a gender binary to which I do not subscribe.

1 Definition of dark, www.thefreedictionary.com/dark.

2 Definition of desire, www.thefreedictionary.com/desire.

1 As a gay man, I am not allowed to marry, I am not allowed to donate blood, but I am allowed to call other gay men “faggot,” especially when they get off on verbal abuse, which is most of the men I play with.