Array Seka - Inside Seka

“I know you’re not,” I said. And this was the day I got married no less.

I inched over and sat down next to her. I had a smile on my face the whole time so nobody else would know what was going on. “I just married this man today and I love him dearly, and if you don’t leave him alone I’m going to put your head through a wall.” She didn’t have much to say to that. She left with her friend shortly thereafter. You can take the girl off the basketball court, but you can’t take the basketball out of the girl.

We went back to our room for the big wedding night and I was starting to feel the effects of the whole thing. My stomach was sick from everything. When the smoke cleared, we didn’t consummate our marriage on our wedding night. Two out of three wedding nights, chaste. Ah, another irony for the porn queen!

But waking in Carl’s arms, it was clear why I’d been so nervous all day. I looked and searched so long and hard to find someone who loved me for me. Not because I was Seka, but someone who wanted to be with me, Dottie. I looked at him and realized everything I’d ever wanted was right here.

If I could live my whole life over again, I wouldn’t do anything differently, because if I did, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. And I happen to like the person I am today.

I’m certainly aware there’s still a stigma attached to having made adult films, and even in what I do today with my website. Hell, I could have become a nun over the past twenty-five years and never erased my “scarlet letter.” But I honestly have no regrets.

As far as the people who lied, cheated, and stole from me, I can’t say I’m strong enough to forgive them. I believe people who do bad things with a malicious heart don’t deserve to be forgiven. Greed is extremely ugly and karma is a bitch. I could look back at my life and say, “Woe is me.” But if you’re perpetually angry and hurt, it’s hard to move forward.

I live a comfortable lifestyle. I’m pleased with it. I have a three-bedroom, two-bath house in a quiet suburban neighborhood with nice neighbors. Nobody would mistake it for a palace, and we’ll never end up on one of these shows where celebs take you into their home to show off how rich they are. But since I was a little kid I’ve always wanted a house with a yard and garden. Carl and I have a place that reflects our personalities and there’s a certain mood to each room. I love my gardening and just lying in bed and watching TV. Sure, I could have been more frugal and built a much larger nest egg, but I wanted to travel — to see and experience the world. However, like most others, you get older and calm down a bit. And that’s the way I like it.

There was only one person at my husband’s job aware of my being Seka the Porn Star. It’s not that I’m ashamed of anything, but people prejudge me and Carl because of my career. Folks are so ignorant and think they know you before they actually get to know you. I tell people I’m “just a housewife.” I don’t want anything to interrupt our golden years. There’s always the possibility of him being released from a job because of my past. We’re in the heart of the Bible Belt and sometimes Carl will say “hell” or “damn” at work and they’ll actually say, “We don’t appreciate that kind of language here.” Imagine what they would say if they knew I was the former Platinum Princess of Porn. To me it’s ignorance, but it’s also reality.

The ironic thing is my movies, comparatively speaking, are actually campy, almost funny. We didn’t do the type of “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” brutal gonzo-type porn films that are so prevalent today. We had that canned “wah-wah” ridiculous porno music. Now the music is gone and replaced with “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” over and over again, screamed at the top of one’s lungs. Most of our acting fell under the “so bad it’s good” category. We had fun with what little script there was. Some people look upon our work fondly, like it’s quaint and even deserving of artistic preservation and analysis, although that makes me laugh, too. I don’t take myself too seriously. When comedian Dave Attell asked me to appear on his TV show to laugh at our flicks, I had a blast. I’d do that again in a minute. It’s the same when I do radio or other TV shows. I’m less of a sex symbol now and more of bawdy comedian. Every comic talks about sex, but how many actually did porn for a living?

Sometimes I watch the films and think how poorly we were dressed and how ridiculous our hairstyles were. At the time, I was thinking, “Boy, I look hot!” But then again, didn’t we all?

The movies will also be a barometer of where this country was sexually in the 1970s and early eighties. When I was doing adult films there was no war and people were open to trying new things. They were a lot looser. But in today’s violent world where there are wars everywhere, porn is far more violent. There’s a connection, and a lot of what’s out in the market today is just ugly to me.

It’s also no surprise that politicians who try to be the morality police and shut down the adult industry are the ones who always end up with their hands in the cookie jar in some kind of sex scandal. They should all just realize something — we serve a societal purpose and we’ve been around forever. I’m no archeologist, but I’ll bet a large percentage of cave drawings are of people having sex. If it weren’t for sex and our desire for it, none of us would be alive.

Why did I end up in the adult film industry? I’m sure a psychologist could come up with all kinds of reasons. I didn’t exactly have your typical childhood. But when all is said and done, sex never seemed weird or bad to me. It was a different era and I was at a different place in my life. It seemed intriguing, fun, and I actually liked what I was doing. If I didn’t like someone, I didn’t work with them. Ditto if I wasn’t attracted to them. And if there was a sex act I wasn’t comfortable with, I wouldn’t do that either.