David Baldacci - Fries Alive

“Cool, I can fly,” said Si.

“But I’m afraid of heights,” wailed Meese.

“Well,” said Freddy, “I think we need to call it a night.”

Howie hurried home while the Fries returned to the lab and Freddy went to his house and dropped into bed, exhausted.

Several hours later Nancy got up, went downstairs where her father was making breakfast, and said, “Dad, I didn’t want to have to tell you this.”

“Yes, Nanny-B, er, Nancy?”

“Our float for the Founders’ Day parade’s been destroyed.”

“What! I can’t believe it.”

“It’s true, Dad. Freddy did it. He’s snapped this time, he really has. It’s sad, very sad. Come on, I’ll show you.”

They raced to the barn and Nancy triumphantly threw open the door. “See?”

Alfred stared for a long moment and then exclaimed, “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Nancy hadn’t looked yet. “I know, it’s awful, isn’t it? I’ll be happy to accept his allowance while he’s in solitary confinement… what!” Nancy looked at the float in disbelief. “But it’s all changed. It’s… it’s the Burger Castle. Where’s the Vroom shake? Where’s the balcony where I’m going to deliver my Shakespeare monologues?”

Her father smiled. “You are quite the actress. You really did surprise me.”

“Uh, that’s right, Dad. You know how I love surprises. In fact, I’m going upstairs right now to surprise Freddy. I’m sure he’ll love it too.”

She stomped off to go find her brother and cream him.

After she left, Alfred saw the blueprints that Freddy and Theodore had drawn on the wall. He started rubbing his very sharp chin. “I wonder,” he said.

Howie Kapowie was walking home from the store later that day when he was ambushed by Adam Spanker and his gang. They dangled him upside down and stuffed grass in his nose. Adam balled his huge, lumpy fists in front of Howie’s upside-down face. “Tell me what you saw at Funky’s place, or else.”

“Nothing, I swear,” wailed Howie as he blew grass out of his nose.

Adam grabbed Howie by his shirt. “I know that goofball’s involved with all the crazy stuff that’s happened. And you know about it. Now talk!”

“I know nothing!” shouted Howie.

Adam rubbed his four chins and studied the situation. “If you don’t talk I’ll make you give me the answers to all the tests in school.”

“I already do!” said Howie.

“Oh yeah. Hmmm. I know. I’ll break your bike in half.”

“I don’t care!”

“You don’t?”

“No, because I don’t have a bike.”

“I’ll steal your cat then.”

“I’m allergic to them.”

“I’ll take your dog.”

“I’m allergic to slobber too.”

“I’ll smash your computer.”

“I use my dad’s.”

“I’ll break your glasses.”

“My mom’s an eye doctor. I get ’em by the dozen. And besides, I’m loyal to Freddy. Nothing you can threaten will break me.” Howie started to laugh crazily. “You don’t know who you’re dealing with. A Kapowie never gives in. Never!”

One of Adam’s bully friends whispered something to him. Adam started smiling. “Right. I’m glad I thought of that.” He turned to Howie. “All right, if you don’t talk, I’ll make sure that you never, ever get another cheese cube to eat so long as you live.”

“I’ll tell you everything,” said Howie Kapowie.

Later that same night, after Freddy got home from working at the Burger Castle, he hustled to his lab to see the Fries. A storm had blown in and it had started to rain, so Freddy hurried along the path to the barn where his lab was hidden. Suddenly, something flew out of the dark and stung his arm.

“Yeow!” he yelled, and rubbed his arm, his fingers getting all sticky from something. “What the -”

“You’re completely surrounded, Funkhouser,” a voice boomed out. “Your butt is mine.”

Freddy’s spirits plummeted as he watched Adam Spanker and his gang rise up from behind a knoll, paintball guns in hand.

“What do you want?” Freddy called out fearfully.

“I want your freaky friends. I’m gonna turn ’em in and collect that big reward.”

“You better get off my property before I call my dad.”

Bam! Another paintball bullet hit him in the leg. It really hurt, but Freddy bit his lip and didn’t cry out.

Adam laughed. “Like your dad scares me. He’s as crazy as you.”

“Don’t you call my dad names!” said Freddy hotly.

Bam. Another shot in the other leg. Freddy felt like crying now, but he didn’t. Never, ever let the enemy see you cry, he told himself.

“I’m waiting, Funky.”

Freddy thought quickly. Suddenly he had a plan. It just might work, because Adam was like a T-rex – big body but little brain.

“Okay,” Freddy said, “I give up. I can see there’s no way out this time. But we have to go to my laboratory. It’s over there.” Freddy pointed to a large building down the path a bit. “Follow me.”

“Okay, but no funny stuff. I’ll be watching.”

Freddy started walking toward one of the big barns as Spanker and his gang followed. When he got to the barn door, Freddy called out, “Okay, it’s right in here.”

“This better not be a trick, or you’ll be really sorry,” threatened Adam.

“It’s not. You guys win. You’re too tough for me.” He went inside and the others followed.

“Okay, where are your freaky friends?” demanded Adam.

“They’re hiding right over there,” answered Freddy. He pointed at a large pen where a pig was laying in the muck. Freddy said, “I’ll get them. They’re kind of shy.”

He went over, undid the latch on the gate to the pigpen, and suddenly smacked the pig on the rump. It squealed and took off running right at Adam and his gang. They all screamed and scattered as the big pig bore down on them.

While Adam and his gang were running away, Freddy grabbed a small wagon that was sitting next to the wall, pulled it through two loose boards at one end of the barn, and hurried over to a dirt path that ran to his laboratory. He pushed the wagon as fast as he could and then jumped on and flew down the dirt path.

Right about that time Adam and his gang burst out from the barn, shouting after him. Freddy felt paintball bullets whiz by his head. One of them hit his wagon. The rain was falling harder again, but Freddy didn’t care. He heard Adam and his gang running after him, but he was going so fast they weren’t gaining at all. He reached the barn, tripped the secret entrance, and fell through the trapdoor into his lab, landing in the pile of hay.

“Fries, it’s me, Freddy.”

All the Fries quickly assembled in front of him.

“What’s wrong, Freddy?” asked Ziggy. “You look awful.”

Freddy said, “Okay, here’s the deal. Adam Spanker and his gang are heading this way and they’re armed and dangerous. They’ve hit me three times, but nothing vital. When they attack, we’ll pretend to fight them off and then we’ll let them come inside. I’ve been working on some new inventions and modifying some of dad’s old ones. So once Spanker and his gang get in here, we’ll pulverize ’em.”