David Baldacci - Fries Alive

“Wow, sounds like a lot of fun,” said Si.

“We’re all doomed,” whined Meese. “And it’ll all be your fault, Si.”

“My fault! How could it be my fault?” asked Si.

“Because everything bad that happens to me is always your fault.”

Freddy’s phone rang. “Yeah?” he said.

“It’s Howie.”

“What’s the password?”

“Adam Spanker sucks his thumb.”

Freddy hit the button, and there was a scream as Howie landed in the pile of hay.

He jumped up quickly. “The Spanker gang tortured me and made me spill the beans on the Fries.”

“I know, Howie. They’re about to attack.”

“I would’ve been here earlier but they tied me to a tree. I just got loose. Come on, we better get out of here.”

“No, I’m going to stay and fight,” declared Freddy.

“But we’ve always run from Adam Spanker, ever since kindergarten.”

“I’m tired of running from him.”

“But we’ve always thought that. So what’s changed?” asked Howie.

Freddy looked at the Fries. “What’s changed is we’re not alone anymore, Howie. We have friends who’ll fight right beside us. Won’t you, guys?”

All the Fries stepped forward. “Let’s kick some Spanker butt,” yelled Wally.

“Okay, guys, listen up, here’s the plan,” Freddy said.

When Adam and his gang reached the barn, he held up his hand for them to stop. He spoke into his walkie-talkie. “Have Big Benny ready just in case.” He looked at his men. “Watch out for tricks,” he warned.

They aimed their paintball guns and looked around. Suddenly they heard a sound, and something hit Adam in the arm. He reached down and picked it up. It was a pebble. He laughed. “This is all he has? We’ll destroy ’em. Come on guys, charge!”

As they rushed forward a few more pebbles flew at them, but did no damage.

Adam laughed, “Funky, you are, like, so dead.”

They reached the door to the barn, pulled it open, and raced inside. They looked around, their paintball guns pointing in all directions.

“All right, Funky, you better come out or else,” shouted Adam.

Suddenly bright lights came on everywhere, and Freddy appeared at the top of the hayloft. “Don’t come any closer,” he said in a quivering voice.

“Or what?” sneered Adam. “You gonna hit me with another pebble? Ohhh, owww, you’re killing me. Please stop.” The gang all laughed.

They all stopped laughing when they saw Freddy jump from the hayloft, but before he hit the ground he shot upward, right to the ceiling and hovered over them. Then Howie Kapowie came zooming out and hovered over them too. They both were wearing antigravity belts that Freddy’s dad had invented that allowed them to fly.

“I’ll give you five seconds to give up or else,” said Freddy.

The gang looked up at them nervously but Adam sneered, “Or else what?”

Freddy held up his arm where the seed shooter was attached. Howie had one on too.

Adam belly-laughed. “Ooohh, you’re gonna hit me with some tomato seeds; I can hardly stand the pain. Okay, guys, let’s blow them out of the sky.”

“Time’s up,” shouted Freddy. He looked at Howie and said, “Ready, aim, fire.”

Freddy and Howie shot right at the gang. Tiny seeds shot out of the shooter, but as soon as they did, they swelled into something bigger. Far bigger.

“Owww!” yelled Adam as a pineapple hit him in the chest, knocking him on his butt.

“YOW!” cried another gang member next to him as an eggplant nailed him in the ear.

“Uggh!” said another bully as a fat pumpkin split open on his head.

The Spanker gang was being hit from all sides by a barrage of large fruit and vegetables as Howie and Freddy whizzed around the barn, shooting point blank.

“This is so much cooler than tomato seeds,” yelled Howie as he hit Adam in the butt with a twelve-pound watermelon, sending him headfirst into a pile of old cow poop.

“It took me a couple of days to come up with the process to shrink all this stuff so it’d fit in the seed shooters, but it was sure worth it,” said a smiling Freddy.

Within seconds the gang lay groaning on the floor of the barn. Freddy and Howie landed in front of them. Adam sat up and stared at them furiously. “You twerps are gonna pay for this. Come on, guys, charge!”

Adam and his gang rose up and sprinted toward Howie and Freddy. The two looked at each other and smiled. “Ready?” said Freddy.

“Ready, roger will-co, over and out, and Adam Spanker sucks both his thumbs,” yelled Howie.

Freddy and Howie pulled the Jelly Leggers – which were small silver gadgets – out of their pockets, aimed, and fired at the legs of Adam and his gang. Instantly the boys all started walking crazy, their knees knocking together, their feet flopping around, like they had no bones in them.

Finally, they all fell down and flopped around on the floor like fish on a beach.

“Gotta love the old Jelly Legger,” said Freddy.

“What is this stuff, magic?” screamed Adam.

“No, something far more powerful,” said Freddy. “The human brain.”

The jelly-leg effect finally wore off.

“Come on, men,” shouted Adam. They surged forward after Freddy and Howie.

“You’ll never catch us,” taunted Freddy. He and Howie raced off.

“Spread out,” ordered Adam. “We’ll try and outflank ’em.”

As he was sneaking through the barn, Adam got on his walkie-talkie. “Is Big Benny in place? Good. Wait until I give the signal. And get a hold of my Dad and tell him to get over here fast.”

One of the gang turned the corner and stopped when he saw a pair of eyes peeking out from the hay.

“All right, come out of there,” he ordered.

The small lump of hay rose up and walked toward him.

The boy pointed his paintball gun and laughed, “It must be little Howie Kapowie.”

Suddenly the hay flew off and there was a yellow head that was swelling up like a balloon being pumped full of air. Ziggy let out an ear-splitting scream, “AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!”

“That doesn’t scare me,” sneered the boy.

“Oh,” said Ziggy in his tiny voice. “How about this?” He smacked himself on the head and his face, arms, and legs fell off.

The boy screamed and shot away so fast he ran right out of his shoes.

“Uh, guys,” said Ziggy’s mouth as it lay on the floor. “I need some help over here.”

Another boy poked through some straw and then froze when he saw a pair of red feet. Suddenly out of the straw popped Si with a big smile. “Hey, you looking at me?” he said, laughing.

Then Si disappeared and Meese popped up with his droopy face. “Hey, you looking at me?” he whined.

The boy’s eyes grew bigger and bigger. Then both Si and Meese jumped in front of him and yelled, “RRRROOOOAAAARRRR.”

The boy turned and ran.

Two other gang members got the jump on Curly.

“OkaycatchmeifyoucanbutIdon’thinkyoucansothere,” mumbled Curly.

The two boys looked at each other. “Huh?” they both said.

Curly started running and they chased him. Curly looked back at them and started uncurling as he ran in circles while the boys tried to keep up. He was running so fast that the top of him came around behind the boys while the rest of him was still in front of them. He picked them up, running faster and faster in circles. Finally, Curly stopped and put the boys down. They were so dizzy they both fell over in a daze.