Todd Strasser - Wish You Were Dead

She sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Maybe deep down you realized that once you get past the cliquishness, they’re human beings just like everyone else? That they’re not evil and they never did anything to intentionally hurt anyone?”

The lines between her eyes deepened. “Lucy never intentionally hurt you? She didn’t steal your boyfriend?”

That was the oldest piece of gossip in the world. Or, at least, in my world. “Adam was never my boyfriend. He was … is my friend. That’s all we ever were. I don’t know where that rumor started, but it’s not true now and never was.”

Sharon gazed steadily at me in the mirror.

“I heard a rumor that you’re planning to move to San Francisco after graduation,” I said.

She stared down at the sink, shook her head, and blinked hard. I’d never seen her so vulnerable, as if all her defenses had been stripped away. “I was, but … forget it.”

“Hey, listen,” I said. “There’s something I need to ask you. I know this is the totally wrong time, but it’s important.”

She looked at me in the mirror again. “What?”

“Do you know what halothane is?” I asked.

Her expression changed. “It’s an anesthetic.”

“I heard that the police have been asking people about it. And since your father’s a vet?”

She nodded. “They asked him. A detective came to our house.”

“Did he say why?”

“I wasn’t there,” she said. “My dad told me later.… Listen, Madison, I know I’ve been a real bitch, but you don’t know what it’s like, okay? Anyway, you want to know the truth? I really do hope they’re okay.” She went past me and out the bathroom door.

I stared at the door, feeling amazed. What in the world could have brought that on?

A moment later I left the girls’ room. Lunch wasn’t over yet, but I didn’t feel like going back to the cafeteria. I stood in the hall for a moment, not sure where to go. The Safe Rides office, I thought, to see if I’d left my red cashmere scarf there on Saturday night.

I pushed open the door, expecting the lights to be off, and was surprised that they were on. A drawer banged shut. Tyler was sitting at the desk, trying not to look rattled.

“Hi,” I said uncertainly, not knowing what to think. My emotions were a jumble of conflicting impulses. Should I ask him what he’d been doing? Should I ask why he walked away from me in the hall that morning? Or should I place my hand on his and move close, hoping he’d kiss me the way he had at my house?

“Hi,” he replied. We stared at each other. He had to know that I knew he’d been up to something. I waited. When Tyler looked away, I knew he wasn’t going to tell me. Suddenly my feelings focused into anger. He had no right to keep secrets at a time like this. I reached past him and opened the desk drawer. Inside was the Safe Rides log.

“That’s what you were looking at,” I said, more as a statement than a question.

“Madison, I told you—”

“No!” I cut him short. “People’s lives are at stake. If you really know what’s going on, you have to tell the police.”

He didn’t answer. I took out the ring binder and opened it on the desk. “You’re thinking that all three of them had something to do with Safe Rides. Lucy disappeared after we gave her that ride home. Adam vanished after he called for a ride. And Courtney was part of Safe Rides.”

Tyler eased out of the chair and stood up.

“Why won’t you tell the police what you know?” I asked. “Or at least, if you won’t tell them, tell me and I’ll go tell them.”

“I better go.” He started for the door, but I blocked his path. He looked startled.

“I want you to tell me why you were looking in the log.”

We locked eyes. For that one moment I wasn’t thinking about how attractive and alluring he was. I just wanted to know what was going on.

“I was looking for a pattern. Something the killer’s been following.”

I felt a chill. “Who said there was a killer? Who said anyone’s been killed?”

Tyler stared at the open log. If there was a killer, and if there was some connection to Safe Rides, it might just be that the killer took his ideas for victims from that log. The log I’d just found Tyler looking at. The same Tyler who, along with me, was the only person in the world who knew that Lucy had not gone inside the night we dropped her off. The same Tyler who’d suddenly said he was going away the weekend Adam disappeared. Only he wasn’t away because I’d seen him. The same Tyler who had an unusual interest in serial killers.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, crashing through my thoughts.

You know nothing about him , I thought. Not where he came from, or why he suddenly showed up a month after school started, or what he was doing in this office. Do you even want to be in here alone with him?

I started toward the door.

“You know what it means if they’re all dead, don’t you?” he asked behind me. “It means that the person who killed them isn’t just a killer. He’s a serial killer.”

On the nights when the public library was open late, Maura used their computers. Her mother had a computer at home, but it had an old-fashioned dial-up modem and you could grow old waiting for it to do the simplest things.

The library was where she had written and posted her blog. And even though she’d stopped doing that, she would still go to a chat room and talk to strangers. And it was there that IaMnEmEsIs found her.

IaMnEmEsIs: Do you really think you can just stop?

The air left Maura’s lungs. She stared at the screen, then instinctively looked over her shoulder to see if anyone was watching. No one was. She began to feel anxious and tingly, as if a mild electric current was running through her. She typed:

Str-S-d: You’re the one who has to stop

IaMnEmEsIs: Don’t tell us what to do. You’re in this with us

Str-S-d: No

IaMnEmEsIs: Who’ll believe you?

Str-S-d: All I did was write a blog. I didn’t know

IaMnEmEsIs: You’re an accomplice

Str-S-d: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IaMnEmEsIs: We thought you’d be pleased

Str-S-d: You’re crazy

IaMnEmEsIs: Now there’s an original thought

Str-S-d: Why did you do it?

IaMnEmEsIs: We think you know

Str-S-d: Oh, God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IaMnEmEsIs: Too late. We want you to see

Str-S-d: See what?

IaMnEmEsIs: What we’ve done for you

Str-S-d: No

IaMnEmEsIs: Yes. Hillsdale Kennels

Str-S-d: Never

IaMnEmEsIs: Yes

Str-S-d: I’ll tell the police

IaMnEmEsIs: Can you spell accomplice?

Str-S-d: I dont care. I’m not coming

IaMnEmEsIs: Then we’ll bring it to you

Maura closed the application. Her heart was pounding.

Wednesday 7:58 A.M.

Don’t be upset, Adam. We told Courtney to stop screaming. We only did what we did because she wouldn’t stop. Why was she screaming? Because of Lucy, you say? Let’s see. Oh, dear, look at that. She doesn’t look well at all, does she? Yes, yes, Adam, it was just a joke. We know that she’s far beyond not well. We’re afraid you’re right. Isn’t that sad? She had so much to live for, didn’t she? What? What will we do with her now? Oh, aren’t you sweet to be concerned? Don’t worry, Adam. We’ll take very good care of her. The timing couldn’t be better.