Рита Браун - Wish You Were Here

Wish You Were Here

Rita Mae Brown

WISH YOU WERE HERE

A Bantam Book

PUBLISHING HISTORY

Bantam hardcover edition published December 1990

Bantam mass market edition / November 1991

Bantam mass market reissue / April 2004

Published by Bantam Dell

A Division of Random House, Inc. New York, New York

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved

Copyright © 1990 by American Artists, Inc.

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 90-1071

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address: Bantam Books, New York, New York.

Visit our website at www.bantamdell.com

Bantam Books and the rooster colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

eISBN 0-553-89861-2 Published simultaneously in Canada

Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Cast of Characters

Author’s Note

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Afterword

Books by Rita Mae Brown

Previews of The Mrs. Murphy Series

Copyright Page

Dedicated to the memory of Sally Mead

Director of the Charlottesville-Albemarle

Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

Acknowledgments

Gordon Reistrup helped me type and proofread, and Carolyn Lee Dow brought me lots of catnip. I couldn’t have written this book without them.

Cast of Characters

Mary Minor Haristeen (Harry), the young postmistress of Crozet, whose curiosity almost kills the cat and herself.

Mrs. Murphy, Harry’s gray tiger cat, who bears an uncanny resemblance to authoress Sneaky Pie and who is wonderfully intelligent!

Tee Tucker, Harry’s Welsh corgi, Mrs. Murphy’s friend and confidant; a buoyant soul

Pharamond Haristeen (Fair), veterinarian, being divorced by Harry and confused by life

BoomBoom Craycroft, a high-society knockout who carries a secret torch

Kelly Craycroft, BoomBoom’s husband

Mrs. George Hogendobber (Miranda), a widow who thumps her own Bible!

Bob Berryman, misunderstood by his wife, Linda

Ozzie, Berryman’s Australian shepherd

Market Shiflett, owner of Shiflett’s Market, next to the post office

Pewter, Market’s fat gray cat, who, when need be, can be pulled away from the food bowl

Susan Tucker, Harry’s best friend, who doesn’t take life too seriously until her neighbors get murdered

Ned Tucker, a lawyer and Susan’s husband

Jim Sanburne, mayor of Crozet

Big Marilyn Sanburne (Mim), queen of Crozet and a awful snob

Little Marilyn Sanburne, daughter of Mim, and not as dumb as she appears

Josiah Dewitt, a witty antiques dealer sought out by Big Marilyn and her cronies

Maude Bly Modena, a smart transplanted Yankee

Rick Shaw, Albemarle sheriff

Cynthia Cooper, police officer

Hayden McIntire, town doctor

Rob Collier, mail driver

Paddy , Mrs. Murphy’s ex-husband, a saucy tom

Author’s Note

Mother is in the stable mucking out stalls, a chore she richly deserves. I’ve got the typewriter all to myself, so I can tell you the truth. I would have kept silent, but that fat toad Pewter pushed her way onto the cover of Starting from Scratch. She took full credit for writing the book. Granted, Pewter’s ego is in a gaseous state, ever-expanding, but that act of feline self-advertisement was more than I could bear.

Let me set the record straight. I am seven years old and for the duration of my life I have assisted Mother in writing her books. I never minded that she failed to mention the extent of my contribution. Humans are like that, and since they’re such frail creatures (can you call fingernails claws?), I let it go. Humans are one thing. Cats are another, and Pewter, one year my junior, is not the literary lion she is pretending to be.

You don’t have to believe me. Let me prove it to you. I am starting a kitty crime series. Pewter has nothing to do with it. I will, however, make her a minor character to keep peace in the house. This is my own work, every word.

I refuse to divulge whether this novel is a roman à clef. I will say only that I bear a strong resemblance to Mrs. Murphy.

Yours truly,

SNEAKY PIE

1

Mary Minor Haristeen, Harry to her friends, trotted along the railroad track. Following at her heels were Mrs. Murphy, her wise and willful tiger cat, and Tee Tucker, her Welsh corgi. Had you asked the cat and the dog they would have told you that Harry belonged to them, not vice versa, but there was no doubt that Harry belonged to the little town of Crozet, Virginia. At thirty-three she was the youngest postmistress Crozet had ever had, but then no one else really wanted the job.