William Johnston - And Loving It!

“I don’t know,” Brattleboro said. “Why can’t it?”

“What I’m getting at is, maybe it can!” Max replied. “Now, when Guru Optimo steps into this room, I’m going to catch a beam of moonlight in this mirror and flash it in his eyes. I may be able to hypnotize him.”

“Max, there’s one thing,” 99 said. “There’s-”

“Don’t tell me why it won’t work, 99,” Max interrupted. “You might shake my confidence.”

“But, Max-”

The door to the room flew open. Lucky Bucky appeared, and behind him were the guards.

“Gotcha!” Lucky Bucky shouted victoriously.

At that very same instant, Guru Optimo stepped into the room from the secret passageway.

“Well, here goes. .” Max said, raising the mirror.

Nothing happened.

“See what I mean, Max?” 99 said.

“I see that it isn’t working,” he replied puzzledly. “But I don’t understand why it isn’t.”

“It’s mid-afternoon, Max. We don’t get much moonlight at that time of day.”

“That could explain it,” Max frowned.

Lucky Bucky shouted to Guru Optimo. “Zop’em!”

Guru Optimo raised his hand. There was a flash of light. The flash of light hit the hand mirror-and was reflected. It bounced back and hit Guru Optimo square in the eyes. His face lit up. His hand opened and a bright, shiny object fell from it and hit the floor and rolled toward a corner.

Lucky Bucky groaned. “Every once upon a time some little thing goes wrong,” he commented gloomily.

“Max!” 99 shouted gleefully. “Guru Optimo hypnotized himself!”

Max walked to the corner and picked up the shiny object that had fallen from Guru Optimo’s hand. “Amazing!” he said.

“What is it, Max?”

“The source of his power,” Max replied. “A Kennedy half-dollar. I had no idea these things could have such a hypnotic effect.”

Guru Optimo, as if in a trance, opened the case that held the strumpelcord and took the instrument from it. Wholly delighted, he began strumming it.

“Aiiii! A banjo player!” Lucky Bucky moaned.

“It’s the influence of the room,” Brattleboro said. “He’s turned himself into a musician.”

Guru Optimo got the saxopular and the hinkenschmaller from their cases. He began playing all three instruments at the same time. It sounded like someone falling downstairs with a load of garbage cans.

“I don’t recognize the tune,” Max said.

“I think he’s composing as he goes along,” 99 guessed.

Guru Optimo began singing:

Good dog, Lassie!

You’ll light up the ice box yet!

I’ll love you ’til the day I die,

Although you walk with a lisp!

“I’ll make a bet that by the time we get off this island that will be at the top of the charts,” Max said.

“And this is the booby I had penciled in for the emperor of the world!” Lucky Bucky wailed. “What a comedown for my comeback!”

“Poor Lucky Bucky,” 99 said sympathetically.

“99-he’s the enemy,” Max pointed out.

“But, Max, he’s harmless now. Without Guru Optimo, what can he do?”

A tear trickled down Lucky Bucky’s cheek. “All I wanted was to be a good agent to everybody,” he said. “Ninety per cent of everybody’s income-was that too much to ask?”

“Max. . do something. .” 99 pleaded.

“Well, I might be able to help,” Max said grudgingly. “Guru Optimo is of no use to us any more, since he’s become a musician. The fate of the entire civilized world, as we know it, is no longer in danger. So. .”

“Yes, Max?”

“This castle,” Max said. “Why not turn it into a resort hotel?”

Lucky Bucky stopped weeping and listened.

“The great hall would make a dandy restaurant,” Max continued. “And the guards, with their vacant expressions, would make perfect waiters.”

Lucky Bucky beamed.

“And for entertainment-why not Guru Optimo?” Max said. “I can see it up in lights now: ‘Guru Optimo on strumplecord, saxopular and hinkenschmaller-the world’s one and only one-man trio!’ ”

“He’ll be a star!” Lucky Bucky enthused.

“And you’ll be a star’s agent,” Max said.

“My comeback has just made a comeback!” Lucky Bucky crowed.

Brattleboro sniffled.

“Trouble?” Max said.

“Happy endings always make me sad,” Brattleboro explained.

“Well, that seems to close the lid on this case,” Max said. “Shall we go?”

There seemed to be agreement, so Max, 99 and Brattleboro headed toward the door.

Lucky Bucky called after them. “Look for us in the audience on the Ed Sullivan Show!”

A few minutes later they emerged from the castle. Max took off his shoe and began dialing. “I’ll have the Chief send the helicopter for us,” he said. “It can pick us up where it dropped us off.”

“But, Max-”

“Hold it, 99. I think I have the Chief on the line.”

Max: Chief? Max here. .

Operator: Just a minute, Maxie. I want to wake Uncle Ned. He’d never forgive me if I let him nap through one of your kooky phone calls.

Max: All right, Operator-anything to keep peace in the family. But, in the meantime, would you connect me with the Chief, please?

(click)

Chief: Control. . Chief here. .

Max: It’s me, Chief. Mission accomplished. Once again the forces of good have triumphed over the forces of evil. The confused alarms of strife and struggle have been stilled. The white dove, freed from its chains, flutters aloft. Where once trod the heavy boot of jeopardy, now trips the light fantastic. Joy abounds-except, perhaps, in Mudville.

Chief: Mudville, Max?

Max: There is no joy in Mudville, Chief. Mighty Casey has struck out.

Chief: Max, what exactly are you trying to tell me?

Max: Didn’t you get it, Chief? I was asking you to send the helicopter for us.

Chief: Max, that’s great! You’ve recaptured Guru Optimo!

Max: Not exactly, Chief. I don’t think you’d want him any more. He’s off-tune.

Operator: Excuse me, Chief. . Max. . Max, will you do that line about the heavy boot of jeopardy again? It’s for Uncle Ned. He’s taking notes.

Max: I’m sorry, Operator, but there isn’t time now. He’ll have to read the book. It’s on page-

Chief: Max, nevermind about that! Have you recaptured Guru Optimo or haven’t you?

Max: No, Chief. Weren’t you listening? I told you, you wouldn’t want him any more. He hypnotized himself. He’s harmless now.

Chief: Couldn’t we use him for something, Max?

Max: Well. . could we use a tall, skinny music box?

Chief: I guess not, Max. I’ll send the helicopter for you. Where do you want it to pick you up?

Max: Where it dropped us, Chief. Chief. . you sound a little disappointed.

Chief: I just don’t know how to explain this in my report, Max. This mission cost Control a lot of money. And what do we have to show for it?

Max: Ensuring the continued existence of the entire civilized world isn’t exactly small potatoes, Chief.

Chief: I know. But I sent you to bring back a person. A person is something that can be seen, touched, or, if need be, tortured. But the continued existence of the entire civilized world is. . Well, do you see what I’m getting at, Max?

Max: You’ve changed your mind about the tall, skinny music box?

Chief: Forget it, Max. I’ll try to explain it to you when you get back to headquarters.

Max hung up.

“What’s the matter, Max?” 99 asked.

“The Chief is disappointed.”