William Johnston - And Loving It!

“No, I’m not dead. And give me back my shoe. And I’m up here looking for the castle.”

“What would a castie be doing at the top of a palm tree?”

“Just give me my shoe!”

Brattleboro handed the shoe to Max. Max put it on, then slid down the tree trunk. Brattleboro followed.

“Did you see the castle, Max?” 99 said.

“99, what would a castle be doing at the top of a palm tree?”

“I don’t know, Max. If you knew it wasn’t up there, why did you climb the tree?”

“If you’re looking for the castle,” Brattleboro said, “I know where it is. I just left there.” He pointed. “You just follow that stream.”

With Brattleboro to show them the way, they had no difficulty at all finding the castle. But then another problem arose-getting past the guards.

“Stopped!” Max said.

“I’ll hypnotize them and make them think we’re somebody else,” Brattleboro suggested.

“How about the two Smith Bros, and their sister?”

“They might mistake us for beatniks,” Max replied.

“Casting agents from Hollywood?”

“Perfect!”

Brattleboro hypnotized each of the guards as they passed by. Finally, he had them all under his spell. Then Max, Brattleboro and 99 stepped out and walked toward the castle. The guards crowded around them, asking for roles in their next picture. Brattleboro promised them all a starring part. Then the guards wandered off to brood about the lack of privacy in a star’s life.

Max, 99 and Brattleboro reached the castle and entered.

“What now?” 99 whispered.

“Find and destroy Lucky Bucky Buckley,” Max replied. “We’ve been nice guys about this long enough.”

“Right,” Brattleboro said.

“Not you, us,” Max said.

“How will we find him?” 99 asked.

Max looked at his watch. “It’s noon. We’ll go straight to the great hall, and there, unless I’m greatly mistaken, we’ll find him at lunch.”

“Brilliant, Max!”

“I would have thought of that if my watch wasn’t slow,” Brattleboro said.

They proceeded quietly along the corridor until they reached the door to the great hall. The door was closed, but they could hear sounds inside.

“What is that?” 99 said, cocking an ear.

“Someone eating celery,” Max replied.

“Suppose it’s Guru Optimo? All we have to do is open the door and he’ll zop us.”

“We have the element of surprise in our favor,” Max said. “Here’s what we’ll do. Brattleboro, I’ll yank open the door. And before Guru Optimo can zop us, you zop him first. Make him think we’re three of the guards. That way, he’ll make no attempt to stop us.”

“Yes? Then?”

“When we get inside, we’ll tell Lucky Bucky that there’s a phone call for him in his room. When he leaves, we’ll follow him. And when we get him out here in the corridor we’ll overpower him and put him out of his happiness.”

“Put him out of his happiness, Max?”

“That’s the opposite of putting him out of his misery, but it has the same result.”

“Got it,” Brattleboro said. “You yank, and I’ll zop.”

“Right. Ready?”

“What do you want me to do, Max?” 99 said.

“Hum something, 99,” he replied. “In the movies, when the hero does something dangerous like this, there’s always music in the background.”

“Anything special, Max?”

Brattleboro spoke up. “How about ‘I’ll be Glad When You’re Dead, You Nice Guy, You’?” he said. “That’s our KAOS fight song.”

“What’s the tune?” 99 asked.

“It’s sung to Shubert’s Symphony No. 3 in D Major as played by the Hanky Panky String Band, H. Panky, conductor.”

“If you two don’t mind,” Max broke in, “Could we get to the yanking and the zopping now?”

“We’re waiting for you,” Brattleboro said. “You’re on yank.”

Max yanked.

Lucky Bucky was seated at the table alone, gnawing on a stalk of celery. He looked up.

“Looks like I’m stuck with a zop,” Brattleboro said.

“Keep it handy,” Max ordered. “Guru Optimo could show up any second!”

“Guards!” Lucky Bucky yelled.

Max ran to him and clapped a hand over his mouth. Brattleboro arrived and grabbed his arms and held them behind him.

“Now, if you’ll promise not to struggle and not to yell, we’ll release you,” Max said.

“Mmmrbphempydmp! ”

“I think we have a little problem,” Max said. “Was that yes or no?”

“Take a chance,” Brattleboro suggested.

Max took his hand from Lucky Bucky’s mouth.

“You can’t get away with this!” Lucky Bucky said. “I’ve got guards posted in every corridor and Guru Optimo is on his way down now to lunch!”

“We just came from the corridor,” Max pointed out. “And there were no guards.”

“You weren’t looking!”

“It won’t work,” Max said. “We’ve got you now, and we’re going to do to you exactly what you tried to do to us.”

“Maxie Baby, it was only a game,” Lucky Bucky persisted. “You think I meant to hurt you, kicking you into a bottomless pit?”

“That was certainly the impression I got.”

“Okay, you don’t want to play the game? Fine by me. We’ll call it even.”

“Max, how are we going to put him out of his happiness?” 99 said. “We have no weapons.”

“I still have my pistol,” Brattleboro said. “We could shoot him.”

“Here?” Max said, appalled. “In the eating room? That’s the height of poor taste, Brattleboro. We’ll take him to the dungeon and shoot him.”

Brattleboro got out his gun and pointed it at Lucky Bucky. “Victims first,” he said.

They left the great hall and marched down the corridor towards the stairs.

“Max. . isn’t shooting him a little. . well, drastic,” 99 said.

“Maybe you’re right, 99. Frankly, the idea doesn’t appeal much to me, either.”

“I like it,” Brattleboro said.

“Do I get a vote?” Lucky Bucky asked.

“We could throw him to the crocodiles,” 99 said. “Somehow, that wouldn’t seem so personal.”

“Why don’t you all just go away and leave me on the island alone?” Lucky Bucky said. “In twenty or thirty years, I’d probably be bored to death.”

“I lean toward the crocodile idea,” Max said.

“I don’t know why I’m carrying a gun if I’m not going to get to use it,” Brattleboro protested. “When they gave me my gun, they said-”

There was a sudden roaring sound behind them.

Max looked back. “That sounds like-”

A figure appeared from around a corner and raced toward them, engine screaming.

“The hit-and-run driver!” Max shouted. “Out of the way!”

They flattened themselves against the wall.

The hit-and-run driver roared by.

And as he passed, Lucky Bucky broke loose and ran down the corridor in his wake.

“Guards!” Lucky Bucky screeched. “Guards!”

Max, Brattleboro and 99 darted after him.

“Guards!”

A pack of guards appeared from around a corner.

Max, Brattleboro and 99 skidded to a stop, then reversed direction and ran the other way.

“Stop’em!” Lucky Bucky shouted.

“It looks like the running shoes are on the other feet again,” Max commented.

“You and your childish hostility toward poor taste!” Brattleboro complained. “You should have let me shoot him back there in the eating place.”

“You could try shooting him now, you know,” Max replied. “He’d make a perfect target, running along behind us like that.”

“Max! He’s gone!” 99 said.

Max looked back over his shoulder. “No, he isn’t, 99. He’s still right behind us-him and those guards.”