William Johnston - And Loving It!

Chief: All right, Max, I’m convinced. Nobody but you could think up a method like that to prove your identity.

Max: Thank you, Chief. Now, about why I called. You see, 99 and I are-

Chief: Max, you didn’t call me. I called Brattleboro. But, since you’re still alive, you can handle the matter as well as he could. I’m making out my end-of-the-month report and I have an expense item here, charged to you, that I can’t explain. It’s for twenty-eight cents. Will you look through your pockets and see if you can find a receipt for something for twenty-eight cents.

Max: Chief, how could Brattleboro have helped you with a problem like that?

Chief: I was going to ask him to find your body and look through the pockets.

Max: Oh. Well, I’m sorry, Chief, but I can’t get to my pockets right at this moment. You see-

Chief: Max, this is very important.

Max: I’m sure it is, Chief. But both my hands are busy at the moment. I’m holding my left hand over the end of a pipe, and with my right hand I’m holding the phone. If I move my left hand, the room will be flooded with gas.

Chief: Max, if there’s gas in the room, you better put out that pipe.

Max: You don’t seem to understand, Chief. It isn’t that kind of pipe. It’s a gas pipe. So, could you send help, please?”

Chief: Max, it’s lunchtime here. Nobody’s around.

Operator: I’ll come, Maxie. I’m not on duty.

Max: Operator, if you’re not on duty, what are you doing at the telephone company? Why don’t you go home?

Operator: Go home? I haven’t been home in over a year, Max. I have a cot right here by the switchboard where I sleep. If I left, I might miss one of your kooky calls.

Max: Just let me talk to the Chief, Operator. This is an emergency. Chief? Are you still there? Now, try to picture this. I’m standing on 99’s shoulders. With my left hand, I’m stopping the gas from shooting out of the pipe. And with my right hand, I’m talking to you. Got it? Now-

Chief: Max, I understand all that. But I can’t send help if I don’t have anyone to send. Do you have any other suggestions?

Max: How about calling the Gas Company, Chief, and asking them to shut off the service to the island?

Operator: They probably won’t even talk to him. They’ve probably heard about him from the Electric Company.

Chief: That’s a brilliant idea, Max. I’ll do it right away.

(sound of dialing, then muffled conversation)

Chief: All right, Max, the gas is shut of.

Max: Hold on a second more, Chief. I’ll take my hand off the end. .Yes, you’re right! No gas!

Operator: Maybe you didn’t pay your bill.

Max: I think 99 and I can handle it from here, Chief. Thanks for the assist.

Chief: You’re welcome, Max. Now, about that twenty-eight cents. Could you-

Max: Could I call you back on that, Chief? We’re still not out of the rough. We’re locked in a room. And, for all we know, Lucky Bucky and Guru Optimo might be getting away. We might never see them again until they took over the world. And that could be too late, you know.

Chief: You’re right, Max.

Operator: I can’t bring myself to believe it.

Max: That Lucky Bucky and Guru Optimo could take over the world?

Operator: No, that you could be right.

Max handed his shoe down to 99. “Can you lower your shoulder and then slip this back on my foot?” he said.

“I’ll try, Max.”

Slowly and cautiously, 99 lowered her shoulder.

“You’re doing great, 99.”

“It’s all a matter of balance.” Bit by bit she slipped Max’s shoe back onto his foot. “Okay, Max,” she called. “What next?”

“Next, we have to try to get out of here,” Max replied.

“Now, take it easy, and see if you can walk me over to the door.”

Cautiously, 99 took a step.

“Oops! Careful!”

“Sorry, Max. This is so new to me.”

“Step by step, 99. You can do it.”

“All right, Max-ready? I’ll-”

“What is it, 99? Trouble?”

“Max, why am I carrying you on my shoulders?”

“99, you’re holding me up so I can keep my hand over the gas pipe. If I let go, the gas will come shooting- Just stand still, 99-I’ll be right down.”

Max hopped down to the floor, then moved on the door, got it by the knob, and rattled it.

“What do you think, Max?”

“Rattling the knob isn’t going to get us out of here.”

“It’s too bad we don’t have that dynamite with us, now that we’re nowhere near any peanut brittle.”

“99! That’s it!”

“Dynamite?”

“No.”

Max reached down and got his shoe.

“Peanut brittle?”

“No, 99, a new gadget developed by R amp; D. It’s an electronic sound, so high-pitched that when it strikes an object it shatters it to bits. I’m going to call the Chief and have him send the sound over the telephone line.”

“And knock down the door?”

“Knock it down? 99, this sound is so destructive it will splinter that door to ashes.”

“Wonderful, Max. What did our scientists have in mind when they developed it?”

“They were having trouble getting the lid off a jelly jar.”

“Oh. But, Max, if it’s that powerful-”

“Later, 99,” Max interrupted, dialing.

Operator: Maybe you bought seven packs of gum at a going-out-of-business sale. At four cents apiece, that’s twenty-eight cents.

Max: Nevermind that now, Operator. Get me the Chief.

Operator: I wouldn’t call him if I couldn’t explain that twenty-eight cents.

Max: Will you let me worry about that, Operator?

Operator: I’m afraid you’ll get fired, Max. Then I wouldn’t have your kooky calls to listen to. I’d have to fold up my cot and go home.

Max: Really, Operator, would that be so terrible?

Operator: I’d miss my family. They’re living here at the telephone company with me.

Max: Your whole family?

Voice: Hi, Max-this is Uncle Ned.

Max: Supervisor!

Operator: All right, all right, don’t be a stool pigeon! With whom did you wish to speak to whom, Please?

Max: The Chief! And fast!

(click)

Chief: Control. . Chief here. .

Max: It’s me, Agent 86, Chief.

Chief: Good-got that door opened, eh? All right now, Max, about that twenty-eight cents. Do you have any idea-

Max: Chief, the door is still locked. That’s why I called you. Remember that marvelous gadget that R amp; D developed last week-the one that works on the principle of high-pitched sound waves?

Chief: You mean the jelly jar opener, Max?

Max: Right, Chief. Now-

Operator: Are you listening, Uncle Ned? Here comes the kooky part. Max wants to use the jelly jar opener on the door.

Voice: Hee-hee-hee! Old Maxie!

Chief: Who was that!

Max: Ignore it, Chief. Here’s the thing-would it be possible to send that sound over the telephone line? I’d like to use it to disintegrate this door.

Chief: We could try it, Max. I have the gadget right here. It’s sitting on my desk.

Max: Isn’t that a little dangerous, Chief? A gadget like that, sitting around on a desk.

Chief: I don’t intend to leave it here, Max. I’m taking it home with me tonight. I have a jar of pickles that’s been sitting in the refrigerator for months and the lid has rusted. I thought-