William Johnston - Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

“Max,” 99 said gloomily, “it could take us days or weeks or months to find that Coolidge-head penny.”

“Even decades,” the old prospector smiled.

“Where did all these pennies come from, Max?” 99 asked.

“Obviously, 99, they dropped through the crack in the floor in the saloon. Pennies have probably been dropping through that crack for dec- For a long time. Haven’t you ever noticed, 99, that pennies always drop through the same crack? The next time you drop a penny and it falls down a crack, mention it to the next person you meet. He’ll tell you that just the day before he lost a penny down that very same crack. It’s the way the pennies are trained, I think. I’ve known of pennies to roll for miles just to fall down a certain crack.” He looked around at the pennies that were scattered all over the tunnel. “Well, I suspect that we have a long, arduous task ahead of us,” he said. “We’ll have to inspect every one of these pennies, penny by penny, until we find the Coolidge-head penny. Naturally, it will be the last one we look at.”

“Then,” the prospector began, “why don’t we start with-”

“Forget it,” Max told him. “I used that line when we were discussing tunnels.” He looked up toward the ceiling-or floor-again. “Finding that penny and signalling to the Chief is the only way we’ll ever get out of here,” he said. “The old prospector is right-even standing on a mule I couldn’t reach that floor.”

Max, 99 and the old prospector began inspecting the pennies.

“It’s not this one,” Max said, tossing the first penny aside.

“Nor this,” 99 said, doing the same to the first penny she had picked up.

“I got it!” the old prospector shouted.

Max took the penny from him. “That’s Lincoln upside-down,” he said.

“Oh. Sorry. Sure looked like Coolidge right-side-up to me.”

The search for the special penny continued. Max, 99 and the old man inspected coin after coin after coin after coin after coin, tossing each one aside after looking at it. Several hours later, Max halted because his vision was blurring. While he rested his eyes, he watched 99 and the old prospector as they continued the sorting.

“Hold it,” Max said wearily after a few minutes.

“What’s the matter, Max?”

“99, the old prospector is looking at coins and tossing them into one pile, and you are taking from that pile and tossing them into another pile. I have been taking from the pile that you’ve been tossing them into, and I’ve been tossing them into another pile-the pile that the old prospector has been taking from. Do you realize what we’ve been doing?”

“We’ve all been looking at the same coins. Max, over and over again.”

“I’m afraid so, 99,” Max nodded. “We’ll have to start again.”

The three moved farther apart, then resumed the search. For hours and hours they inspected coin after coin, and found nothing that even closely resembled a Coolidge-head penny. Eventually, Max stopped again. He looked at his watch.

“It’s dawn,” he announced.

99 sighed defeatedly. “And we still have thousands of pennies to look at,” he said. “Max, if Arbuthnot and those other assassins are leaving today, our mission will be a failure. We’ll still be sorting pennies for days yet.”

“You’re right, 99. I think we’ll have to find some other way to escape. Old man,” he said to the old prospector, “what’s the chance of finding another exit from this mine? I’ve seen a lot of movies with long lost mines in them, and in some of them a secret exit has been found. Nobody knew anything about it until the hero and heroine blundered upon it by chance. Have you by any chance blundered upon anything like that?”

The old prospector shook his head. “If there was a secret exit, I wouldn’t have found it,” he said. “Abe Shuster and Mabel Wamsutter would’ve blundered upon it by chance. And, the fact is, they didn’t.”

“All right, that eliminates that possibility,” Max said. “Let’s try to think of something else.” He guestured. “In the meantime, you two continue inspecting the coins,” he said. “If I can’t think of an alternative, we’ll have to depend on trying to get a squad of Control agents to town to look for us.”

“Trying?” the old prospector said. “The way you talked about it before, it sounded like a dead cinch.”

“From now on, shall we not use that word?” Max asked.

“Sorry,” the old prospector replied. “I’ve been away from civilization a long time, you know. I had no idea a word like ‘cinch’ had become offensive. I won’t say it again.”

While 99 and the old prospector continued the hunt for the Coolidge-head penny, Max paced back and forth in the tunnel, trying to think of another and quicker way out. Once, he stopped and then charged the tunnel wall. But it did not give, and all he got out of the effort was a bruised shoulder. Another time, he stood under the shaft of light and stared upward and was heard to mutter something addressed to someone called the sacred god of Good Guydom. That attempt was even less successful than the other, however, since he didn’t even get a bruised shoulder out of it.

“That’s it!” Max suddenly cried.

“What, Max?” 99 asked, rising.

“Something the old prospector said several hours ago,” Max replied. “He gave me the solution-I just didn’t realize it at the time!”

“But what, Max?”

“He said I couldn’t reach the crack in the floor even standing on a mule’s back!”

“Yup, that’s what I said,” the old prospector agreed. “If it’s that much help to you, I’ll say it again. Why, you couldn’t reach that crack-”

“Once was enough,” Max broke in. “Actually, that isn’t the solution. But it gave me the idea for the solution. It’s true that I couldn’t reach the crack by standing on a mule’s back. But, why couldn’t I reach the crack by standing on a mule’s back standing on a pile of pennies?”

“Max. . could you explain that?”

“First, 99, we’ll position the mule under the crack,” Max explained. “Then we’ll pile the pennies on the mule’s back. And then I’ll stand on the pile of pennies.”

“It won’t work, Max,” 99 told him. “Those pennies won’t stay on the mule’s-” She looked suddenly thoughtful. “But, what we could do,” she said, “is get the mule to stand on the pennies. That would raise the mule up. Then, standing on the mule’s back, you would be higher, too.”

“Well, yes, I guess that would work-if you want to do it the hard way,” Max said. “All right, let’s get all these pennies together again in a big pile.”

99 looked a little doubtful. “After all this sorting we’ve done, Max? What if we find out after we pile the pennies up and get the mule to stand on the pile that you still can’t reach the crack?”

“That’s simple, 99. I don’t know why you can’t figure it out yourself. We’ll simply start sorting the pennies again.”

“I know, Max, but-” She shrugged. “All right, we’ll do it your way.”

Max, 99 and the old prospector began heaping the pennies into one huge pile. The project did not take long. But the pile was no help. Because it had been piled up several yards from the spot under the crack in the floor. They then spent a considerable amount of time moving the pile to where, theoretically, it would do some good.

“Perfect!” Max announced when the pennies were piled beneath the crack. “Now, all we have to do is to get the mule to stand on it.” He addressed Madame DuBarry. “I just hope you understand how important your part in this is,” he said. “It’s my intention, you see, to stand on your back and reach up and remove those floor boards. Then, I can climb up into the saloon. And, once up there, I can reach down and pull 99 up. Is that clear?”