William Johnston: Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

Max and 99 started up the dusty street toward the mine. But after they had gone a few steps, Max halted. “We’re making the same mistake we made last time,” he said to 99, pointing to the tracks they were leaving in the dust. “When Arbuthnot and those other assassins came out of the saloon, they’ll see our tracks and follow us up to the mine.”

“I don’t see how we can help but leave tracks, Max,” 99 said. “There’s dust all around.”

“Only on the ground,” Max said. “Not inside the buildings, and not on the roofs.”

“Well. . I suppose not, but-”

“Just follow me,” Max said.

With 99 right behind him, Max entered the bakery. He ducked down and crawled into the old open fireplace, then, with excruciating slowness, he made his way up to the inside of the chimney. When he reached the roof he reached down and gave 99 a hand, helping her out.

“Max. .” she panted, “I never thought I’d make it. Is this really necessary?”

“This is only the beginning, 99.”

Max crossed to the edge of the roof. The roof of the next building, the jail, was several yards away. He retreated, then got a running start and leaped off the bakery roof and-with the tips of his fingers-caught hold of the drain pipe alone the edge of the jail roof. Summoning all his strength, Max pulled himself up, finally reaching the roof over the jail.

“Jump, 99!” he called.

“Max, I’ll never make it!”

“It’s the only way! Jump!”

99 backed away, then ran toward the edge of the bakery roof and jumped. She missed the edge of the jail roof-and the hands Max was holding out to her-by at least a foot, and plummeted to the ground, landing, fortunately, in a soft pile of dust.

“Oh, Max. . I’m sorry. .” 99 called up.

“You’re forgiven, 99. Now, back into the bakery, and back up the chimney, and try it again. If at first you don’t succeed, try-”

“Max, are you going into the jail?”

“No, 99. I’m going to cross to the roof of the lumber yard, then, by plank, make my way to the barber shop. Having retained the plank, I will then proceed to the roof of the bakery, reaching it by climbing handover-hand up the treacherous incline formed by extending the plank from the lower window of the barber shop to the upper gutter of the bakery roof. From the roof, I will drop down the chimney.”

“Max, as long as I know where you’re going, I’ll just meet you outside the bakery.”

“All right, 99.”

Max disappeared from the edge of the roof. When he was gone, 99 walked around to the front of the bakery and sat down on the front steps. She heard a great deal of grunting and straining during the next few minutes. Then Max appeared from the bakery. His clothes were ripped in a number of places.

“That takes care of that problem,” he said. “Arbuthnot and his assassins might, in time, be able to follow that trail. But a lot of them will probably lose their lives doing it. And, by the time they catch up with us, we’ll have found the Coolidge-head penny and alerted the Chief.”

“That’s nice, Max,” 99 said, managing to control her admiration.

“Now, 99-to the mine.”

“Fine, Max.”

They left the bakery and proceeded up the dusty street, leaving a full set of tracks behind. When they reached the entrance to the mine, they stopped and peered, squinting, into the darkness.

“Do you still have your lighter, Max?” 99 said. “We’ll sure need it. I just wonder how long it will keep burning, though. I wouldn’t want to get lost in there without a light.”

“99, there’s no problem. Even without a light we’d be able to find our way out. Tunnels only go two ways-out and in. If we came to the end of the tunnel and discovered that we weren’t outside, we’d know we were going the wrong way. So, we’d turn around and go the other way, which would take us out.”

“Suppose the tunnel has branches, Max?”

“We’ll stay out of the branches. This is no time to go out on a limb.” Max reached into his pocket to get the lighter. “I don’t seem to have it,” he said. “Did I give the lighter to you, 99?”

“I don’t think so, Max.”

“We’ll just have to go on without it,” he decided. “We don’t really need it. We’ll see the Coolidge-head penny when we reach it. Remember? — it was gleaming in the light through the crack in the floor.”

“But, Max-”

“It’s just as well that I can’t find the lighter, 99,” Max said. “If I lit it the flame would cast flickering shadows on the walls. And when a flame casts a flickering shadow on the walls that means that danger is lurking somewhere nearby. It’s a warning the Good Guys always get.”

“Max. . you don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Why wouldn’t I believe it, 99? It never fails to happen. When a candle or a lighter is lighted in a dark place like a cave or a tunnel, the flame always flickers. And then, a short while later, the danger always comes out of lurking and confronts the Good Guys.”

“But, Max, that’s the wind blowing the flame!”

“If you want to think it’s the wind, 99, that’s your privilege.”

“What is it, then?”

“It’s the sacred god of Good Guydom.”

“Oh, Max, you can’t-”

There was a sudden sound, like a puff of air, and the old prospector suddenly appeared. He was carrying his lantern and blocking the way. Beside him was his mule, Madame DuBarry.

“Well. . speak of the god of Good Guydom. .” Max said.

“None of your soft soap!” the old prospector growled. “I caught you red-handed this time!”

Max looked at his hands. “That’s not my normal color,” he said. “They’re getting the reflection from your lantern.”

“None of your squirmy way with words, either! You know what I’m talking about!” the old prospector charged. “You’re after my gold! You had me fooled at first with that story about the Pinkertons. But now I’ve got the goods on you. If you’re not after my gold, what are you doing back in the tunnel?”

“It’s sort of a long story,” Max said. “After you disappeared and left us stranded on that mountain, we made our way down to the town, and, at the break of dawn, found ourselves confronted-”

“Don’t go into all that detail,” the old prospector said. “I disappeared, all right, but that don’t mean I haven’t kept track of you. I been on your trail every minute of the time-almost. I had my suspicions, so I followed you-staying about a dozen yards behind. I saw you get yourself trapped in that jail. I saw you get shut up in that vault in the bank. The only place I didn’t tail you was when you jumped over from the roof of the bakery to the roof of the jail.”

“Oh? Chicken?”

“Well, I saw your wife take that fall. So, I said to myself- Well, never mind what I said. What it adds up to is, yeah, I was chicken. I went along with her and waited on the porch.”

“I see. Well, if you’ve been with us all the time, then you must know why we’re here,” Max said. “Didn’t you hear us say why we were returning to the tunnel?”

“From a dozen yards behind?” the old prospector replied. “I didn’t have ears like that even when I was young.”

“Oh. Well, if you’d been a little closer,” Max said, “you’d have heard us say-very clearly-that we were coming back here to look for the Coolidge-head penny. You see, our idea that the penny dropped through the floor and into the wine cellar was wrong. Because there is no wine cellar below the saloon. What there is, instead, is a tunnel. A mine tunnel. This mine tunnel. And that’s why we’re here now. To find the Coolidge-head penny, not to look for your gold. I hope that clears up any misunderstanding that may have arisen. Are you satisfied?”