William Johnston: Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

“How many more tunnels to search?” Max asked the old prospector glumly.

“Depends,” the old man replied. “Are we going to stop with this mine or go on to other mines? There’re about a hundred, I reckon, in all, in them thar hills-mines, that is. And every mine has about a hundred tunnels, in all, I reckon. So, when you say, ‘How many-’ ”

“In just this mine,” Max broke in.

“Well, speaking in a general way, I’d say I couldn’t say. I run across new tunnels almost every day. It wouldn’t surprise me to discover that we’ve got a tunnel-laying chicken down here with us.”

“Max, remember,” 99 said, “Arbuthnot was making a farewell speech. We don’t know how long those assassins will still be here. We better find out some way to eliminate some of these tunnels from our search.”

“Old prospector,” Max said to the old prospector, “when I saw that Coolidge-head penny it was shining in the light that reached it through the crack in the floor. Now, from down here, it seems to me, that penny would have a shaft of light beaming down on it from above. Can you recall ever seeing anything like that down here?”

The old prospector thought for a few minutes then shook his head. “No. But there are some dandy cave carvings on the wall of the tunnel that’s next in line to search,” he said. “Let’s just mosy on and take a look at them. This one carving has been kind of a source of inspiration to me while I been down here. It’s a How To. It shows in minute detail how to hitch a musk ox to a four-bladed plow. Why the insinuation in that carving-you wouldn’t believe it. The fella that carved it must’ve had a mind like-”

“Will you concentrate on the Coolidge-head penny, please?” Max broke in. “Now, think again. There is a shaft of light. It penetrates the darkness like-”

“Don’t waste your time,” the old prospector said. “I been in every tunnel in this mine but one and I never seen anything like that in any of them.”

“Oh. Well. .”

“Max,” 99 said, “if he’s been in every tunnel but one and hasn’t seen anything like that, then isn’t it logical that perhaps it’s in the one tunnel he hasn’t been in?”

“Yes. . that is logical, 99. After all, everybody knows that whatever you’re looking for you always find it in the last place you look. So, instead of searching all these other tunnels, and then searching the last tunnel last, let’s search the last tunnel now, and save all the others for later.” He faced the old prospector again. “Where is this tunnel you’ve never been in?” he asked.

“We’re in it,” the old man replied.

Max looked around. “Oh, yes, I see-we’re in the entrance to another tunnel. All right, this time, I’ll lead the way. Onward!”

With Max in the lead and 99 right behind him they moved deeper into the tunnel.

“You won’t find anything,” the old prospector said. “If this tunnel was that important, I’d’ve been in here before. I’ve never been down this way because all I had to do was look at the entry and I could see it wasn’t worth looking into. When you’ve been looking for long lost gold as long as I have, you get a feeling for that kind of thing. I can look at the entry to a tunnel and size it up in the wink of an eye. Why, I remember back in ’89 when I’d only been in this tunnel a few-”

“Max!” 99 cried out. “Look! Ahead!”

“Where’s a head?” the old prospector asked, maneuvering to see around Max and 99. “It’s probably just the left-over from some newsreel photographer. I remember- By Golly!” he suddenly shouted, having finally caught a glimpse of what had attracted 99’s attention. “It’s it! It’s my long lost gold!”

Several yards ahead, a shaft of light was shining down from above, focused on what appeared to be a huge pile of gold coins.

“Finders keepers!” the old prospector shouted. He rushed forward and dived head-first into the pile of gold, and began flinging coins in all directions, driven to a frenzy by elation.

“Did you see how he ran over there, 99,” Max said. “That’s what’s known as a gold rush.”

“I saw it, Max.”

Max and 99 approached the spot where the old prospector was still celebrating his find. He was scooping up coins and letting them filter through his fingers, meanwhile crying, “Gold! Gold! Gold! Mine! Mine! Mine! Gold Mine! Gold Mine! Gold Mine!”

“He’s a little excited,” Max commented.

“I’m not surprised. . after all these years,” 99 replied. She picked up one of the coins. “It’s funny how when they’re not directly in the light these gold coins don’t look as shiny and as much like- Max! Look at this!” She handed the coin to Max.

He peered at it closely. Then he picked up another coin and looked at it closely, too.

“Is it the same, Max?” 99 asked.

“Yes, 99. Pure copper. These aren’t gold coins, they’re copper coins. They only looked gold in the light. What the old prospector has found is a pile of pennies.”

“Gold! Gold! Gold!” the old prospector was shouting. “All mine! Gold mine! All-” He suddenly interrupted himself and glared at Max. “What was that unpatriotic thing you just said?” he asked.

“Unpatriotic?”

“I don’t think I like it,” the old prospector said. “And if I don’t like it, it’s unpatriotic. Now, what was it?”

“All I said was-”

“Pennies!” the old prospector cried, appalled. He looked at the coins he was clutching in his hands. “You’re right! Pennies! I’ve been wiped out! The whole round trip-from the big white house on the hill to the hovel in the valley-in the flick of an eyelash! I’m a ruined man. Being a ghost, I can’t even take comfort in the fact that I still got my health! Oh, woe!”

“Well, it’s not really as bad as all that,” Max said. “Even if it had turned out to be gold, where would you have spent it?”

“Over at the general store,” the old prospector replied. “I could’ve bought myself a new lantern-a real one this time.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation,” Max said, “you have the satisfaction of knowing that, although you didn’t find the long lost gold, you did deliver us to our hoped-for-destination.”

“It’s no consolation,” the old prospector said bitterly.

“And, as a consequence-”

“It’s no satisfaction, neither,” the old man added.

“Max,” 99 said, “do you mean-”

“Yes, 99, we have found the Coolidge-head penny,” Max informed her. He pointed upward. “Do you see where the shaft of light is coming from? It’s coming from a crack in the ceiling. But if we were up there instead of down here that crack in the ceiling would be a crack in the floor.”

“You’re right, Max. That’s a marvelous deduction.”

“Your frankness is refreshing, 99. Now, taking the deduction a bit further, we learn that what appears to be a crack in the ceiling, but which is actually a crack in the floor, is, to be even more specific, a crack in the floor of the saloon. So, if we were able to rise up out of this mine, and go straight up, where would we find ourselves?”

“Back at them pearly gates,” the old prospector said.

“I didn’t have in mind going quite that far,” Max said. “What I was trying to explain was that the saloon is directly overhead.”

“A lot of good that’ll do,” the old man said. “You couldn’t even reach it standing on a mule.”

“That’s correct,” Max replied. “You’re missing the important point, however. What is important is that if that is the saloon up above, and that crack in the ceiling is actually the crack in the saloon floor, and if the Coolidge-head penny dropped through the crack in the saloon floor and fell into a tunnel of the mine below, then all I have to do to retrieve the Coolidge-head penny is bend down and pick it up from. . oh, my, those pennies really are scattered around, aren’t they?”