Frank Portman - King Dork

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PRAISE FOR KING DORK

★ “Original, heartfelt, and sparkling with wit and intelligence.

This novel will linger long in readers’ memories.”

— School Library Journal, Starred

★ “A biting and witty high-school satire.”— Kirkus Reviews, Starred

★ “Tom’s narration is piercingly satirical and acidly witty.”

— The Bulletin of the Center for Children’s Books, Starred

“A modern and arguably better (yes, I said it) version of the J. D. Salinger staple.”

— American Way

“There is a lot to love about this book: King Dork is smart, funny, occasionally raunchy and refreshingly clear about what it’s like to be in high school.”

— San Francisco Chronicle

“I love this book as much as I hated high school, and that’s some of the highest praise I can possibly give.”

—Bookslut.com

“This is the funniest, freshest, most original book of any kind that I have read in a very long time. It’s so damn good that I’m just happy there are people like Frank Portman writing books. Period.”

—Megan McCafferty, author of Sloppy Firsts, Second Helpings, and Charmed Thirds

“Basically, if you are a human being with even a vague grasp of the English language, King Dork will rock your world.”

—John Green, author of Looking for Alaska, a Michael L. Printz Honor Book

“Frank Portman . . . proves to be a born storyteller in this hilarious coming-of-age novel.”

— Chicago Sun-Times

“Loaded with sharp and offbeat humor.”

— USA Today

“The author’s biting humor and skillful connection of events will keep pages turning.”

— Publishers Weekly

“ King Dork is well and away the best YA book I’ve read this year.

. . . It’s inventive and sexy, it’s fun to read and provides endless food for thought—everything I want from a book.”

—Melvin Burgess, author of Doing It and Smack

“Portman . . . scores with a debut novel that’s funny, sharp, and spot-on at portraying a teen who sees musical stardom as more attainable than scoring with a girl.”

— Seattle Post-Intelligencer

“ King Dork is unique: a detective-story ode to hormones, teenage bands, and the books they make you read in high school. Hilarious, unflinching, and surprising from start to finish.”

—Ned Vizzini, author of Be More Chill

“Just the thing for those snarky teens.”

— People

“The ironically self-crowned dork narrator is a terrific guide through the scary world of high school.”

—E! Online

“Channeling the wisdom of a cynical rock sophisticate through the voice of a self-conscious fourteen-year-old misfit, Frank Portman has created a winning post-punk Hardy Boy equal.”

—Ira Robbins, www.TrouserPress.com

“ King Dork reads like the diary of the funniest kid in school. . . .

Through Tom, Frank Portman brings to life the realities of high school and a dork’s triumph through sheer personality. His book is more like The Catcher in the Rye than Tom would ever admit.”

—MySpace Books

“ King Dork is a funny, pointed poke in the eye to the bloated Catcher in the Rye cult, and also a fine alienated teen novel in its own right.”

—Neal Pollack, author of Never Mind

the Pollacks: A Rock and Roll Novel

MORE PRAISE FOR KING DORK

“A funny, intelligent, inspiring, can’t-even-put-it-down-when-I-go-to-the-bathroom story. Seriously, I vowed to only write about this well-publicized book after I read it myself, and I’m happy to report that it’s worth the hype.”

—Whitney Matheson in USA Today ’s Pop Candy

“This pitch-perfect mixture of Veronica Mars and Freaks and Geeks exudes realistic, self-aware teen angst on every page, and should be a permanent addition to libraries alongside Brighton Rock, A Separate Peace . . . and even Catcher .”

— The Oregonian

“The magic of King Dork lies in its cutting satire and narrative voice. It smartly skewers just about every aspect of the educational system. For readers who have suffered through a pep rally, detention or English class, Portman’s arrival is cause for regal glee.”

— The Plain Dealer (Cleveland)

“In his book King Dork, Frank Portman takes on the high-school coming-of-age story with enough music what-for to satisfy the most ardent of music snobs. He also cuts to pieces Catcher in the Rye, a job you might not have known needed to be done.”

— SF Weekly

King

Dork

D E L A C O RT E P R E S S

THAN K S TO:

My editor, Krista Marino, and everyone at Delacorte Press; my agent, Steven Malk;

plus Belle, Matil, Chris Appelgren, Paul Caringella, Shauna Cross, Joanna Hatzopoulos, Marion Henderson, Amanda Jenkins, Bobby Jordan, Tristin Laughter, Rebekah Leslie, Beth Lisick, Paige O’Donoghue, Christine Portman, and Ethan Stoller.

Published by Delacorte Press

an imprint of Random House Children’s Books a division of Random House, Inc.

New York

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Text copyright © 2006 by Frank Portman

Interior illustrations copyright © 2006 by Daniel Chang All rights reserved.

Delacorte Press and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

www.randomhouse.com/teens

Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at

www.randomhouse.com/teachers

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition of this work as follows: Portman, Frank.

King Dork / Frank Portman.

p. cm.

Summary: High school loser Tom Henderson discovers that “The Catcher in the Rye” may hold the clues to the many mysteries in his life.

[1. Identity—

Fiction. 2. Fathers—Fiction. 3. High schools—Fiction. 4. Schools—Fiction. 5. Mystery and detective stories.] I. Title.

PZ7.P8373Ki 2006

[Fic]—dc22

2005012556

eISBN: 978-0-375-89070-3

v1.0

And afterwards, in radiant garments dressed With sound of flutes and laughing of glad lips, A pomp of all the passions passed along

All the night through; till the white phantom ships Of dawn sailed in. Whereat I said this song,

“Of all sweet passions Shame is loveliest.”

—Lord Alfred Douglas

intro

It started with a book. If I hadn’t discovered it when and how I did, everything would have turned out differently. But because of it the first semester of sophomore year at Hillmont High School ended up way more interesting and eventful and weird than it was ever supposed to be.