Holmes Patricia - Girlology - A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Birth . . . yep, pretty powerful. Think of all the amazing potential newborn babies have. Even though they are totally dependent on other caregivers to feed them, get them around and nurture them . . . their potential is limitless.Somewhere, a baby is being born who will be a future president or an inventor or an Olympic champion or the biggest rock star the world has ever seen! On the other hand, babies are being born who will be haters, cheaters and criminals. So just because there is a lot of power in the birth transition . . . it doesn’t always end up being good power. But birth is an opportunity for a new little human being to start collecting power to become anything in the world.

Now, let’s get back to you and the power transition you’re in right now.

You’veGot Power!

So here you are at one of life’s major transitions. You are making the transition from a child—through puberty and adolescence—into a young adult. Can you feel the power? You should!

A main purpose of puberty is to develop sexually. Sexual power is a mighty thing that a girl possesses. You aren’t supposed to use it for bad things like controlling other people or making them jealous. You are supposed to protectthat power and, then as you mature, shareit with the one who has helped you protect it and who also respects and values it.

As a teen, you are developing your ability to appreciate your body, to enjoy sexual feelings and to develop meaningful relationships outside of your family. You have the potential to develop great respect for your sexuality and ability to reproduce. Now that’s good power! You also have the potential to mess it up by having unintended pregnancies, by getting infections that can harm your ability to have babies if you want to in the future and by losing respect for how awesome sex can be in the right relationship. That would be bad power, right?

In our culture and in the human experience, sex is powerful. Don’t let anyone talk you into believing that it’s no big deal.

PowerThieves

The more that you hold on to that special power within you, the stronger it can become. Many people will try to take it away from you.Some teenage boys and some adult men are always trying to take that power away from girls and women. They may do that by trying to become sexually involved too soon or by making comments that make you feel uncomfortable about your body or your sexuality. Same for some advertisers, magazines, movies and other girls—they will try to diminish your sexual power, to make it seem unimportant or not worth taking care of.

All we have to say is that THEY ARE WRONG! You have great power as a girl. They want a piece of it because you have an amazing and wonderful Girl Power! If it weren’t a big deal, nobody would want it or care about it.

ProtectYour Girl Power

If you haven’t yet, you will eventually begin to recognize the power.

Once you notice how strong it is, you might want to use it to your benefit. Sometimes you want to give it away because:

You know it is strong.

It gets attention.

It seems exciting.

But be careful! If you give it away too soon, it starts to decrease.It becomes less and less and less. But if you hold on to it and protect it and respect it, it will grow and grow and grow.When you do find true love, your true love will also respect that power and help you to protect it. When the time is right to share it, it doesn’t decrease when you release it . . . it grows! That’s when intimacy and sex are great! It feels great physically, it feels great in your heart, and it feels powerful. With the right person, your sexual power and all this other power you’ve been growing is a giftfor both of you.

It’s important to keep that power within you until you know you have found true love. Depending on your values, that may mean marriage. Too many girls give it away in middle school or high school when they don’t really know that they have true love.Sex doesn’t make true love. True love lasts, right? What’s the rush? Don’t give it away!

And if you’ve already given some of it away to guys who don’t respect and protect you, you can stop! Just because you’ve made one (or two or three or twenty-five) mistakes, it doesn’t mean you have to keep giving your power away over and over again. If you’ve felt that loss of power before, you know what we mean. Girls who have felt that power loss learn that sex in the wrong relationship isn’t worth the stress, the worry, the emotions and the physical risks.But if you make new choices to protect yourself and your sexual power, you’ll have something special to share when you do have true love. You can build your Girl Power back up!

People who try to take your power away from you aren’t interested in you. They are just interested in stealing something special. The person who values your Girl Power, protects it and helps it grow wants what is best for you. He is interested in you. He knows that your Girl Power is special. And he likes that!

Take control of your body. Learn how it works. Make a plan for your sexual involvement. Protect and grow your Girl Power. Save it for yourself and true love. Be Powerful!

Acknowledgments

G irlology would have never blossomed like it has without some magical connections. We are so grateful for the special people who have been placed in our paths, particularly our energetic and hip editor Amy Hughes who has been wonderfully enthusiastic about Girlology since that first day at Starbucks. We would have never met her without another writer, Marcia Higgins White, who put us in the public eye. The other amazing connection occurred with Jennifer Craig, our legal eagle, Nikki and Abby at Skirt! magazine, and Sally Pascutti and Stephanie Hunt our intuitive wordsmiths. We know how these magical connections really occur, and we are grateful.

We are also indebted to many steadfast cheerleaders. Robin Berlinsky, Gina English, Carolyn Evans, Beth Rucker and Beth Cairns have provided great ideas and energy. We relied heavily on the awesome mom-daughter groups who provided critical review, insight and suggestions. They include Lyn, Rachel and Sarah Neil; Laura, Megan and Jamie Spinella; Susan Simonian and Katie Houle. We also appreciate the patience and support of our colleagues at Charleston Pediatrics and East Cooper Women’s Center.

We’d each like to thank our parents for their unwavering support and tolerance of our “openness.” We love you dearly. Our husbands, also tolerant and unconditionally loving, have been incredibly patient and encouraging. Thanks Michael and Steve for keeping it all together while cheering us on. Our daughters, Emily, Caroline, Ella, Anne Claire and Maehler, have been our inspiration. We hope each of you will grow up to be confident and secure with your power and not be embarrassed that your moms go around talking about puberty and sexuality.