Holmes Patricia - Girlology - A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

Just remember, values stay the same no matter what situation you are in. If it was good for you before you met your boyfriend, it’s still good for you today. Promises to yourself are worth keeping even if it’s hard to do.Be strong! You are definitely worth it!

PART FOUR

GrowingReal Girl Power

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Get Your Girl Power On!

By now, we hope that you have seen a glimpse and felt a pulse of power—the power that is within you. It’s an amazing power that will bring you so many good things and protect you from bad things if you learn how to use it. Why do so many teen girls feel powerless over so much of what goes on in their lives? We think it’s because they haven’t discovered the power that they carry within them— real live Girl Power.

So you, whether you have recognized it or not, have amazing power. Not just power related to sex and sexuality, but a bigger power that comes with the ability to make choices that matter.You have the ability to choose how you want to be seen, who you trust, when you are ready for intimacy, and importantly, you have the power to say no to things that aren’t in your best interest.

Now, when we combine the words powerand sex, a lot of people get the wrong impression. People talk about using sex for power or using sex to get what you want. That’s not good power. It’s just using something powerful to manipulate others. Your sexuality is something special that should be treasured and respected, not abused. Sexuality just happens to be a very powerful thing that you have, whether you want it or not.

SheFigured It Out

Remember that girl we talked about in chapter 2? The one with the Girl Power? The one who says she’s sorry when she hurts a friend’s feelings. The one who cuts her parents some slack even when she thinks they totally don’t get it. The one who understands how her body works and can talk about it without getting too embarrassed. The one who makes a plan for her own sexual involvement and chooses a boyfriend who will respect her decisions. Yep, that one. The one everyone seems to look up to and respect.

She obviously figured out a lot of stuff for herself, a lot of the things we’ve been talking about. Things like:• Using words wisely• Not giving any power awayto people who want to embarrass or use her • Listening to people who want what’s good for her—not TV, movies, music, magazines and advertisers that want what’s best for them • Choosing friends who build her upand don’t tear her down—and being a good friend to others as well • Recognizing that she is sexual and can be sexy without “doing it”• Talking, thinking and learningabout sexual things before she gets “in the heat of the moment” and does something she regrets • Being braveenough to talk to boyfriends about her sexual boundaries—even when it’s really awkward.• Telling the difference betweengood boyfriends and bad boyfriends • Savingsome sexual things for her true love

Will it always be easy to make decisions and do things that help grow your Girl Power? Absolutely not. Sometimes it will feel great—the easiest decision you’ve ever made! Sometimes it will totally stink! Some people might even tell you you’re stupid, afraid, freaky, weirdand totally don’t get it. But when it stinks,you have to remember that you are making decisions that are good for you for life . . . not just for the moment. It’s hard work, but it pays off in the end.

It’s like the girl who gets made fun of for shooting baskets every Saturday morning instead of going to the mall. The shooting isn’t all that much fun, but then on Friday night, she fakes out the defense with two seconds to go and sinks a three-pointer to win the game. They called her boring when she was practicing, but she’s a herowhen her practice makes her win the game!

Growing your Girl Power takes practice too. And it lets you be a hero for life—a hero to yourself! Too many girls grow impatientin this work to grow Girl Power. They compromise their values because of it. Not good.

YouAre Worth the Best

There is a lot of power that comes for waiting for the best, not just grabbing all the cheap stuff you can get as soon as it comes your way. And get ready, because sex will come your way during your teen years. You have to be ready to handle it.You have to be able to make and stick to a plan for sexual limits and behaviors that are healthy for you.

Patience and self-control pay off in the end; we promise! If you are making good choices and good decisions now (even though they may be difficult, other teens roll their eyes at you or boys may pressure you), you will look back not too far from now and see the power in the choices you made . . . the power in having a plan.

We’re not just making it up.Every day we talk to young girls and women who are healthy and happy because they have stuck to a plan about sex and sexual stuff that feels right for them. They feel powerful and in control. And we also hear too many stories from girls who have made some serious mistakes because they didn’t have a plan at all.

Things “just happened”—then there was a lot of regret and tears, sometimes even pregnancy or infections. Every time girls give away or allow someone else to “take” some of this power, it’s a loss. Their power weakens, and they have to work hard to start to rebuild it. Fortunately, it can be built up again! They have to go back and make some new choices that give them power and control.And they have to stick to those choices and hold on to that power to let it grow.

ClaimYour Girl Power

This whole power thing goes back way farther than women today. Since the beginning of time, civilizations have recognized that people have special opportunities in life to gain power. Periods of transition are times of especially great power! Think about some of the major transitions in a girl’s life: Birth—power to be on this Earth

Puberty—power to reproduce and create new life

Marriage—power to start a relationship that can create a family

Motherhood—power to shape a new life into something powerful

Menopause—power to share wisdom and see life from a very experienced perspective

Let’s look at one of these life transitions to understand this power thing. It’s a little touchy-feely and deep kind of stuff. But it’s true.