Brother Brother - How to Not Be a Dick - And Other Truths About Work, Sex, Love - And Everything Else That Matters

Copyright

HarperCollinsPublishers

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London SE1 9GF

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2019

FIRST EDITION

Text © Vertical Networks, 2019

Cover design by Philip Pascuzzo

Cover illustrations © Vertical Networks

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Source ISBN: 9780008286583

Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008286590

Version 2019-04-25

BY

Joel Hanek, Hogan Hiatt, Adam Lederer, Hot Rod Martinez, James Montgomery, Ryan Powell, Pernell Quilon, Bailey Rosser, Emily Wilson and Tom Wright

EDITED BY

James Montgomery

DESIGN & ART DIRECTION BY

Karen Jaimes

ILLUSTRATIONS BY

Ariel Alter

INFOGRAPHICS BY

Stephanie Truong

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Life

The Truth About Life

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Life Needs

100 Universal Truths About Your Life

It’s Basically All Bullshit

Life Timelines

Everything Movies Lie to You About

The Conflict Conundrum

A Brief Note on Hubris

100 Classy Moves You Should Master

An Alphabetical List of Terrible People You Should Avoid at All Cost

How Long Will These People Actually Be in Your Life?

A True Friendship Test

Annoying (Yet Inevitable) Things All Friends Do as You Get Older

Is It Possible to Be “Just Friends” with a Woman?

How to Make Friends After the Apocalypse

You Are Insignificant

Perspective

A Handy Glossary of Terms

Sex

The Truth About Sex

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Sex Needs

Are You Ready to Have Sex?

The Do’s and Don’ts of Sex

5 Simple Ways to Not Suck at Sex

5 Simple Ways to Not Suck at Gay Sex

69 Lies You’ll Hear About Sex

Don’t Listen to These People

The Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex

Navigating the Morning After

Reasons You’re Not Having Sex

A Series of Sexy Venn Diagrams

Sex in Movies vs. Sex IRL

Sex After the Apocalypse

An Unsexy Discussion About Pornography

Are You Masturbating Too Much?

How Much Sex Is Too Much?

A Handy Glossary of Terms

Work

The Truth About Work

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Work Needs

Appropriate Responses to Lies Your Dad Will Tell You About Work

What You Should Know Before Taking Any Job

The 30 Types of People You Will Work With

A Beginner’s Guide to Workplace Communication

Work, in Actuality

The Coworker Code

5 Ways to Get the Job You Deserve

Are You Workplace Appropriate?

How to Ask Your Boss for a Raise, According to the Actual Boss of BROTHER

Should You Launch a Start-Up?

Post-Apocalyptic Career Aptitude Guide

A Handy Glossary of Terms

Money

The Truth About Money

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Money Needs

How to Live Like a Millionaire (Without Actually Being One)

How to Live on a Budget (Without Living Like a Crazy Person)

How to Make More Money (Without Working All That Hard)

Get the Biggest Bang for Your Buck!

How to Get Rich

Do You Have Enough Money?

Six Truths About Money, According to Someone Who Has a Lot of It

Can Money Buy You This?

Make Your Own Money!

What to Do with Your Money After the Apocalypse

Mo Money

How to Take It with You

A Handy Glossary of Terms

Women

The Truth About Women

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Women Needs

The Gentleman’s Guide to Lady Parts

How to Date a Woman (According to an Actual Woman)

Overrated/Underrated Dates

The Truth About Dick Pics

Is It Time to Move On? Probably.

How to Give Compliments (Without Being a Total Creep)

Ways to Meet Women After the Apocalypse

A Handy Glossary of Terms

Fun

The Truth About Fun

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Fun Needs

General Rules for Having Fun

When Does the Fun Start?

Things That Seem Fun Until You Actually Do Them

Worth the Wait?

Is This Funny?

Is This Art?

Is Reading Fun?

Overrated/Underrated Rap

Overrated/Underrated Rock

Overrated/Underrated Pop

Scenarios in Which Removing Your Shirt Is Appropriate

Scenarios in Which Removing Your Shirt Is Inappropriate

Should You Get a Tattoo?

The Five Universal Truths About Gambling

25 Unexpected Ways to Have Fun After the Apocalypse

A Handy Glossary of Terms

Health

The Truth About Health

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Health Needs

How Not to Be a Dick at the Gym

The 30 Types of People You Will Meet at the Gym

Gym Stats

Scenarios in Which Running Is Appropriate

Scenarios in Which Running Is Inappropriate

General Truths About Health

What’s That On Your Penis?

50 Thoughts You Have While Sitting in a Waiting Room

A Summertime Surprise!

A Sobering Note About Drinking

Should You Do This Drug?

Acceptable Coping Mechanisms for Adults

Should Everyone Talk to a Therapist?

Health After the Apocalypse

A Handy Glossary of Terms

You

The Truth About You

Maslow’s Hierarchy of You Needs

No One Cares

A Secret Message

50 Things Someone Should Have Told You by Now

Don’t Be That Guy

General Truths About Style

What Your Hair Style Says About You

Social Media, in Graph Form

The Nicest Things People Can Say About You, Ranked

How to Get Your Shit Together in 10 Steps

Self-Improvement After the Apocalypse

A Handy Glossary of Terms

A Message from BROTHER

About the Author

About the Publisher

The Truth About Life

These terms and conditions create a contract between you and BROTHER (the “Agreement”). Please read the Agreement carefully.

A. INTRODUCTION TO OUR SERVICES

This Agreement governs your use of BROTHER’s services (“Services”), through which you can learn valuable life lessons (“Truths”) and unique skills (“Content”) that can—and should—be applied at your discretion. Our Services are available for your use in your country of residence (“Home Country”), in accordance with societal standards and/or legal statutes. To use our Services, you need an open mind, a willingness to look ridiculous and the ability to read. Our Services’ performance may be affected by these factors.