Holmes Patricia - Girlology - A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

But Why?

Now, remember we told you that you are old enough to start knowing WHY when your parents tell you what they think or want. Let’s think about your own whys.Why do you value the things you listed?

So where are we going with this? As you enter the world of crushes and romance, you need to have a very strong idea about what you value in relationships.Your friends and family have helped you make that list of values. Now it’s time to think ahead about what you would value in your relationship with your true love. Are there certain things and ideas you dream of having in your relationship with your true love?

Some of them will be simple. Let’s look at the categories: People and relationships:Duh, that’s your true love you have to value. Actions:Spending time together in nature, studying together, going to a concert together, riding bikes together, gazing into each other’s eyes. Ideas: Honesty, loyalty, trust, respect. Things:You might value the bracelet he gave you or a note he wrote you.

What else? What other things are really important in a relationship? Think hard . . . how about your body and his body?! That includes your physical and emotional health.

Value Your Body!It’s the Only One You’ve Got!

But wait . . . do YOU value your body? That’s a tough one. We know that a lot of girls DON’T feel good about their bodies. WHY? Is it because magazines have made them feel they don’t look like toothpicky models?

What about you? Do you feel okay about your body?Have kids at school told you your body isn’t good enough? Are you taking care of your body like you should by eating healthy (veggies, water, avoiding fast food and junk food), exercising (sports, walking, getting off the couch and away from the computer), and protecting it from harm (wearing helmets, seat belts, avoiding drugs and alcohol, abstaining from sex or protecting yourself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections)?

If you don’t take care of your body, who will? If you don’t take care of it, you lose respect for it. What a shame!Our bodies are amazing things. Think about the five senses (touching, smelling, seeing, tasting, hearing) and the things like music, nature, textures, food and beauty they allow you to experience. Remember all the stuff about growing a baby? Your body is miraculous and helps you DO incredible stuff! Bodies are powerful!

Respect your body, and make sure your boyfriend shares that value. Your boyfriend will never become your true love unless he shares your values. If you have a boyfriend who doesn’t share your values and pushes you to do things that you are not comfortable with, it’s time for the big dump, the breakup, the drop off.You can never truly be close to someone who doesn’t share your most important values.

It’s never easy, but it’s a rule we all need to live by: Choose boyfriends who respect your body! Now that’s a decision that gives us girls power and strength!

DecisionTime

Okay. So what happens when you’ve stuck by your rule to choose a boyfriend who shares your values and respects your body? Good job! He’s looking like Mr. Perfect, true-love-wannabe. You feel emotionally intimate because you’ve gotten to know each other. You are definitely having those warm, tingly feelings of sexual desire. It’s thrilling, exciting . . . and overwhelming. Yikes! Where do you go now?

A big part of growing up is figuring out how you will handle situations that involve being close with another person. That means figuring out what you expect of yourself when it comes to having sex and doing things that are sexual. Maybe you haven’t really thought about it yet, but you need to start deciding when it will be okay to do some sexual things.

Why now? Now, because you are smart enoughto figure out what is important to you. Now, because you are becoming independent enoughto make good decisions. Now, because you are growing up and becoming the type of girl who sticks to her values in lots of different situations—when it’s easy and when it’s hard.

PlanIt Now

It’s time for you to start thinking about your future and making some promises to yourself . . . maybe you can even make some promises to your future true love. Isn’t that dreamy? If you decide and promise yourself now, you’ll be more likely to stick with those promises,even in the “heat of a romantic moment.”

Girls who have a plan about when it is okay to have sex are more likely to stick with that decision and not let some smooth-talking guy change their plans. There is a lot of power in having a plan!

So, What’s Your Plan Gonna Be?

You’ll hear lots of different answers, especially to the question of when it is okay to “go all the way” or have sexual intercourse. You’ll hear things like:• When you are married • When you are dating steady • When you are 18 years old • When you have been dating a boy for one year (or maybe six months or even three months) • Whenever you feel like it • When a guy says he loves you

Talk about those mixed messages!

Your plan for physical closeness with a guy will involve a lot more than just sexual intercourse, but let’s start there since it is the most important decision.

WhyWait?

There are plenty of good reasons to wait to have sex: We’re going to sound like parents for a minute (and uh . . . we are parents), but here goes. If you wait until you are an adult in a mature, long-term, committed relationship before you have sex, then:• There is less emotional“baggage,”such as guilt, disappointment and fear.

• You will have a more mature relationshipbefore you have sex.

• You will have better sexwith your eventual husband when you don’t have memories of sex with other guys.

• You can accept pregnancyas a consequence and become a parent when you will be excited and prepared for it.

Now we’re going to sound like doctorsfor a minute (remember, we are doctors, too). More good reasons to delay sexual activity are:• Girls who have sex at a younger age tend to have more sexual partnersduring their lifetimes.

• You will have less riskfor cervical cancer if you have fewer sexual partners. Every new guy you have sex with increases your chance of getting a virus that can cause cervical cancer.

• The younger you are when you have sex, the higher your risk for sexually transmitted infections.Infections can cause infertility, cancer, pain, even death.