Jeff Strand - Graverobbers Wanted - No Experience Necessary

I reached back underneath the seat, wishing that I were a boring, unimaginative person who was unable to visualize all the possibilities for what my hand was exploring.

Then I let out a small yelp as something bit me.

After yanking my hand free once again, I realized my mistake. It hadn't been a bite. I'd just poked myself on something—a protruding bone, most likely.

If there wasn't a quarter underneath the seat after all this, I was going to be seriously irked.

Once again I began the search. I felt my way around for a full minute before locating the quarter, which was hidden way in the back. I pulled my arm out and resisted the urge to wipe my hand on Roger's upholstery.

I moved to the other side and reached underneath the passenger seat. My hand made contact with something, and this time it was easy to identify.A foot.Two feet, actually, as I discovered when I moved my hand to the right. This wasn't nearly as bad as whatever had been under the other seat, and I found the quarter wedged between the little piggy who had none and the little piggy who went weeweewee all the way home.

I looked at my watch again and realized that this had taken longer than I thought. Only four minutes left.

Okay, there was a definite motif here, so the quarters could only be hidden someplace large enough to hide a body part. The trunk was a logical place to check. I pulled the trunk release, got out of the car, and lifted the lid.

It was filled to the top with confetti.

Without hesitation, I thrust my hands inside and began searching through it as rapidly as I could. I found the spare tire right away, but shortly after that my hand brushed against some hair.Long hair. I grabbed a fistful of it and lifted Jennifer's severed head out of the confetti.

I couldn't let the fact that I was holding a head distract me. I turned it all around, searching for a quarter that might be glued to it.Nothing. I ran my fingers all through her hair, and found nothing there, either. I checked the ears, in case it were some demented variation of the magic trick my uncle always liked to show me, but that was also unsuccessful.

A possible hiding spot occurred to me.

I shook the head violently, trying to jar loose anything that might be in its mouth. Nothing fell out.

It looked like I was going to find out how long it took a dead tongue to dry out, after all.

I reached inside her mouth. I can't describe what it felt like, because my hand went completely numb. But I quickly found the quarter, underneath her tongue. It had been wrapped in cellophane, which was nailed down to keep it in place. I tore it free, dropped the head back in the confetti, and shut the trunk.

Four out of five.The fifth one was probably either under the car or under the front hood. I hurried back to the front seat to pop open the hood.

The phone rang.

I quickly scooped up the quarters I'd placed on the seat and picked up the phone. It rang again, but I didn't answer. I pulled the lever to open the hood, then ran to the front of the car and lifted the hood.

Nothing looked unusual. The phone continued to ring.

Damn it! I couldn't answer, or the killer would know that I only found four of the quarters. But if I didn't answer, all five of the prisoners might die!

I answered."Yeah?"

"Did you meet Jennifer?" It was the same computer-generated monotone.

"Oh, yeah.That was real clever." I frantically began lifting hoses and looking anywhere a body part might be hidden.

"What's your honest opinion? Can she be saved?"

"Screw you." I had no time for wit.

"Tell me the dates on the quarters. You have ten seconds."

I tried to make my voice as casual as possible."1994, 1980, 2001, 1976, and 1997."

There was a long pause on the other end, longer than the normal pauses for typing. "Not bad.Four out of five."

"What do youmean, four out of five? I found them all!"

"Only four were correct. So, Andrew, I'll be a sport and let you pick who's going to die. If you need to review the tape, feel free."

"Hell no!Now, you listen to me. I'm willing to play along with your game, but you have to stick with the rules you set up! If I found all five quarters, all five people get to live, and if you're not going to honor that I'll be talking to the cops before you can say `I'm a psychotic asshole.'"

"There was no 1997 quarter."

"The hell there wasn't! I found one quarter in the glove compartment, one quarter under each seat, one quarter in the trunk, and one quarter wedged in the seat cushion in the back. That's five. If you disagree, get your ass back to elementary school."

"There wasn't one in the back."

"There mostcertainlywas one in the back.Hey, maybe the quarter was already there, but if you were dumb enough to pick something that could have been in the car before you started, that's not my fault. I can't help it if you didn't check out the car thoroughly. Once I found the five quarters, I quit."

There was a very long pause before the computer voice spoke.

"You're a lying bastard, Andrew."

I didn't respond. I just stood there, cringing.

"But I'm going to give you points for effort. None of the prisoners will die tonight."

I was astonished, but I certainly wasn't going to let it show."So now what?"

"If you need to, get yourself cleaned up. If you didn't already find it, there's a towel and some rubbing alcohol on the left side of the trunk, under the confetti. Leave the car. It will be taken care of. A cab will meet you out front."

"And after that?"

"Try and find me. But remember what I said about not talking to anyone about tonight.And no cops. If the police come after me, I'll have plenty of warning time to kill the prisoners, and make it hurt. I could be anyone, so watchyourself . And like I said, have fun."

"My joy sensors are going into overload already."

"But make sure you get in that cab, or I'll have to make a new video. Good night, Andrew. I'll be in touch."

The killer hung up.

I didn't know what else to do. I opened the trunk again, got as much of the blood off as possible, and went out front to wait for the taxi.

"WHAT HAPPENED to you?" asked Roger as he opened the door to his apartment.

"It was bad.Real bad." I stepped inside and saw Theresa and Kyle sleeping safely on the pullout bed. Until this whole thing was resolved, it was going to be difficult to let them out of my sight.

Now I was sort of in a bind. Could I tell Roger about the horrors of last night? For all I knew, the place could be bugged. The phone could be tapped. I didn't know what kind of resources the killer had, and honestly I didn't know enough about surveillance to know what degree of paranoia was justified. At the moment I was envisioning some eccentric billionaire with cameras hidden in every corner of Chamber, sitting in his cushioned chair in a room with five hundred monitors, stroking his ugly cat.

So I didn't want to say anything to Roger. What good would it do, anyway? He'd end up an even more reluctant partner than he already was. Nah, I'd shield him from the hard stuff for the time being.

"I can't talk about it," I said. "I will say that I'm not entirely certain you're ever going to get your car back."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's either being cleaned or incinerated—I'm not sure which."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Just...ask later, okay?"

Roger didn't look particularly keen on the idea of not knowing what happened to his car until later, but he let it go. "So, if you're sworn to secrecy, what's next?"

"We keep investigating. I'm not going to be able to sleep for the next few months anyway, so I'm heading over to the Ashcraft place to see what I can find out."

Chapter 12

I LEFT MY car alongside the road about six blocks from Michael and Jennifer's house. I was getting tired of all this walking around, but I wanted to cut down on the chances that I'd get busted for burglary. About three blocks from their house it suddenly occurred to me that my pockets were missing something vitally important, such as my car keys. After uttering one of the ruder phrases I'd spoken in my life, I jogged back to where I'd parked my automobile.