Joe Hill - Twittering From the Circus of the Dead

Twittering from

the Circus of the Dead

A Story

Joe Hill

Twittering from the Circus of the Dead

What is Twitter?

“Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co-workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing? . . . Answers must be under 140 characters in length and can be sent via mobile texting, instant message, or the Web.”

—from twitter.com

TYME2WASTEI’m only trying this because I’m so bored I wish I was dead. Hi Twitter. Want to know what I’m doing? Screaming inside.

8:17 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEMy, didn’t that sound melodramatic.

8:19 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTELets try this again. Hello Twitterverse. I am Blake and Blake is me. What am I doing? Counting seconds.

8:23 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEOnly about 50,000 more until we pack up and finish what is hopefully the last family trip of my life.

8:25 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEIt’s been all downhill since we got to Colorado. And I don’t mean on my snowboard.

8:27 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEWe were supposed to spend the break boarding and skiing but it’s too cold and won’t stop snowing so we had to go to plan B.

8:29 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEPlan B is Mom and I face off in a contest to see who can make the other cry hot tears of rage and hate first.

8:33 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI’m winning. All I have to do to make Mom leave the room at this point is walk into it. Wait, I’m walking into the room where she is now . . .

8:35 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe’s such a mean bitch.

10:11 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE@caseinSD, @bevsez, @harmlesspervo yay my real friends! I miss San Diego. Home soon.

10:41 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE@caseinSD Hell no I’m not afraid Mom is going to read any of this. She’s never going to know about it.

10:46 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEAfter she made me take down my blog, it’s not like I’m ever going to tell her.

10:48 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEYou know what bitchy thing she said to me a couple hours ago? She said the reason I don’t like Colorado is because I can’t blog about it.

10:53 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe’s always saying the Net is more real for me and my friends than the world. For us nothing really happens till someone blogs about it.

10:55 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEOr writes about it on their Facebook page. Or at least sends an instant message about it. She says the internet is “life validation.”

10:55 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEOh and we don’t go online because it’s fun. She has this attitude that people socially network ’cause they’re scared to die. It’s deep.

10:58 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe sez no one ever blogs their own death. No one instant-messages about it. No one’s Facebook status ever says “dead.”

10:59 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTESo for online people, death doesn’t happen. People go online to hide from death and wind up hiding from life. Words right from her lips.

11:01 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShit like that, she ought to write fortune cookies for a living. You see why I want to strangle her. With an ethernet cable.

11:02 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTELittle bro asked if I could blog about him having sex with a certain goth girl from school to make it real, but no one laughed.

11:06 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI told Mom, no, the reason I hate Colorado is ’cause I’m stuck with her and it’s all waaaaay too real.

11:09 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEAnd she said that was progress and got this smug bitch look on her face and then Dad threw down his book & left the room.

11:11 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI feel worst for him. A few more months and I’m gone forever, but he’s stuck with her for life and all her anger and the rest of it.

11:13 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI’m sure he wishes he just got us plane tickets now. Suddenly our van is looking like the setting for a cage-match duel to the death.

11:15 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEAll of us jammed in together for 3 days. Who will emerge alive? Place your bets, ladies and germs. Personally I predict no survivors.

11:19 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEArrr. Fuck. Shit. It was dark when I went to bed and it is dark now and Dad says it’s time to leave. This is so terribly wrong.

6:21 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEWe’re going. Mom gave the condo a careful search to make sure nothing got left behind, which is how she found me.

7:01 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEDamn, knew I needed a better hiding place.

7:02 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEDad just said the whole trip ought to take between 35 and 40 hours. I offer this as conclusive proof there is no God.

7:11 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTETweeting just to piss Mom off. She knows if I’m typing something on my phone, I’m obviously engaged in sin.

7:23 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI’m expressing myself and staying in touch with my friends, and she hates it. Whereas if I was knitting and unpopular . . .

7:25 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTE. . . then I’d be just like her when she was 17. And I’d also marry the first guy who came along and get knocked up by 19.

7:25 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEComing down the mountain in the snow. Coming down the mountain in the snow. 1 more hairpin turn and my stomach’s gonna blow . . .

7:30 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEMy contribution to this glorious family moment is going to come when I barf on my little brother’s head.

7:49 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEIf we wind up in a snowbank and have a Donner Party, I know whose ass they’ll be chewing on first. Mine.

7:52 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEOf course my survival skillz would amount to Twittering madly for someone to rescue us.

7:54 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEMom would make a slingshot out of rubber from the tires, kill squirrels with it, make a fur bikini out of ’em, and be sad when we were rescued.

7:56 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEDad would go out of his mind because we’d have to burn his books to stay warm.