Joe Hill: Twittering From the Circus of the Dead

10:46 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI napped, but I don’t feel better.

4:55 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEDad of course has to go the slowest possible route by way of every back road. Mom says he missed a turn and added 100 miles to the trip.

6:30 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTENow they’re fighting. OMG I want out of this van.

6:37 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEEric, I am psychically willing you to find some reason for us to get off the road. Put on the pantyhose again. Say you have to pee.

6:49 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEAnything. Please.

6:49 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTENo no NO Eric, no. I wanted you to think up a GOOD reason not to get off the road but not this . . . this is going to be bad.

6:57 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEMom doesn’t want to pull over either. Write it down, kids, first time in two years we’ve agreed on anything.

7:00 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEOh Dad is being a prick now. He says there was no point in taking back roads if we weren’t going to find some culture.

7:02 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEWe are driving up to something called the Circus of the Dead. The ticket guy looks really REALLY sick. Not funny-sick. SICK-sick.

7:06 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTESores around his mouth and few teeth and I can smell him. He’s got a pet rat. His pet rat dived in his pocket and came out with the tickets.

7:08 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTENo it wasn’t cute. None of us want to touch the tickets.

7:10 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEBoy, they’re really packing them in. Show starts in 15 min., but the parking lot is ½ empty. The big top is a black tent with holes in it.

7:13 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEMom says to be sure to keep doing whatever I’m doing on my phone. She wouldn’t want me to look up and see something happening.

7:17 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEOh that was shitty. She just said to Dad that I’ll love the circus because it’ll be just like the internet.

7:18 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEYouTube is full of clowns, message boards are full of fire-breathers, and blogs are for people who can’t live without a spotlight on them.

7:20 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI’m going to tweet like 5 times a minute and make her insane.

7:21 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThe usher is a funny old Mickey Rooney type with a bowler and a cigar. He also has on a hazmat suit. He says so he can’t get bitten.

7:25 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI almost fell twice on the walk to our seats. Guess they’re saving $ on lights. I’m using my iPhone as a flashlight. Hope there isn’t a fire.

7:28 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEGod this is the stinkiest circus ever. I don’t know what I’m smelling. Are those the animals? Call PETA.

7:30 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEI can’t believe how many people there are. Every seat is taken. Don’t know where this crowd came from.

7:31 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThey must’ve had us park in a secondary parking lot. Oh wait, they just flipped on a spotlight. Showtime. Beating heart, restrain yourself.

7:34 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEWell, that got Eric and Dad’s attention. The ringmistress came out on stilts and she’s practically naked. Fishnets and top hat.

7:38 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe’s weird. She talks like she’s stoned. Did I mention there are zombies in clown outfits chasing her around?

7:40 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThe zombies are waaay gross. They have on big clown shoes and polka dot outfits and clown makeup.

7:43 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEBut the makeup is flaking off, and beneath it they’re all rotted and black. Yow! They almost grabbed her. She’s quick.

7:44 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe says she’s been a prisoner of the circus for 6 weeks and that she survived because she learned the stilts fast.

7:47 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe said her boyfriend couldn’t walk on them and fell down and was eaten his first night. She said her best friend was eaten the 2nd night.

7:49 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe walked right up to the wall under us and begged someone to pull her over and rescue her, but the guy in the front row just laughed.

7:50 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThen she had to run away in a hurry before Zippo the Zombie knocked her off her stilts. It’s all very well choreographed.

7:50 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEYou can totally believe they’re trying to get her.

7:51 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThey rolled a cannon out. She said, Here at the Circus of the Dead we always begin things with a bang. She read it off a card.

7:54 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEShe walked up to a tall door and rapped on it, and for a minute I didn’t think they were going to let her out of the ring, but then they did.

7:55 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTETwo men in hazmat suits just led a zombie out. He’s got a metal collar around his neck with a black stick attached.

7:56 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThey’re using the stick to hold him at a distance so he can’t grab them.

7:57 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEEric says he has fantasies about a certain goth girl putting him in a rig like that.

7:58 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThis show would be a great date for the two of them. It’s got a hint of sex, a whiff of bondage, and it’s really really morbid.

7:59 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThey put the zombie in the cannon.

8:00 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEAuuuughhh! They pointed the cannon at the crowd and fired it and fucking pieces of zombie went everywhere.

8:03 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThe guy in the row in front of us got smashed in the mouth with a flying shoe. He’s bleeding and everything.

8:05 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEFucking yuck! There’s still a foot inside the shoe! It’s totally realistic looking.

8:08 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEThe guy sitting in front of us just walked off w/his wife to complain. Same dude who laffed at the ringmistress when she asked for help.

8:11 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTEDad had a zombie lip in his hair. I am so glad I didn’t eat lunch. Looks like a gummy worm and it smells like ass.

8:13 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie

TYME2WASTENaturally Eric wants to keep it.