Sam Pink - The Self-Esteem Holocaust Comes Home

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: [looking at the driver] So is he going to answer our questions? Can I go, can I ask? [leans over] Hey are you going to answer our questions?

THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

THE PASSENGER: [reaches forward, lowers the window by The Greatest Dad in the World] Hey, can you wipe off that frost? I can’t see out that window. I need to see the outside or I’ll feel trapped. It’s weird, but just, can you do it?

The Greatest Dad in the World puts his hand out the window and rubs the frost with his fingers. He holds the bag of cans and plastic bottles tightly and scratches the frost off. The driver rolls the window up, crushing The Greatest Dad in the World’s fingers. Blood leaks down the window on both sides.

THE DRIVER: Window got your fingers? [turns to policemen in backseat, gesturing vaguely] See it’s like ‘cat got your tongue?’ but instead of a tongue it’s your fingers and instead of a cat it’s a window. You guys get it?

THE PASSENGER: Guys, are we going to be fair about asking questions? Are we each going to take turns? I will wait if you promise that we’ll get to me eventually. Let’s just fucking be fair for once huh. All right? Good for everyone?

THE DRIVER: [leaning towards face of The Greatest Dad in the World] Airplanes, airplanes. You really have to be a big strong guy to handle an airplane. Are you a strong guy? We know you’re a great guy [smiles] But are you a strong guy?

The Greatest Dad in the World holds his trapped arm and winces.

THE DRIVER: Oh, that’s good [pause, taps steering wheel with fingers] That is, good stuff [leaning, he tests a bicep muscle with his fingers] Oh man, whew. Who hid a rock in your coat? I hate to be the one to tell you, but someone hid a rock in your coat here. Maybe we should all look to arrest whoever hid the rock here. Or arrest you for impersonating a man with rock-arms.

THE PASSENGER: [laughs through nose] Look out [leans forward] Hey I want my seat back.

THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD: [erratic breaths] I can’t feel the snow on my fingers now. It’s there but I can’t feel it [wincing] Please let me go.

THE DRIVER: When I look at your fingers I am reminded that nothing is beautiful [stops, then almost whispering] What have I become? Greatest Dad in the World, I want you to stay with us and tell me, what have I become?

Someone walks by the car, then they are gone into the distance. And a freight train passes, loud, just two blocks away.

THE DRIVER: I want you to listen to me. Are you listening? Huh, Captain? Are you listening? We need help. We [pause] are bad people. But we want to be good people [pointing] You can help us. You have to help us.

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: Captain Greatest Dad in the world, lead us safely to the ground. Please, we don’t want our lives to be over this quickly. Help us be good people. The bad people are reaching out to you. Get in our hands.

The Greatest Dad in the World winces, slouches. He is touching the trapped arm. He moves his fingers slowly and watches them through the window. Can’t breathe.

GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD: [hoarse] God.

THE DRIVER: I want you to hear this — God wants you to hear this [mimics p.a. sound again] Hear me. Captain Greatest Dad in the World, Captain Greatest Dad in the World [makes static sound] this is the landing crew. This is God. Do you read me? God the Landing Crew to the Greatest Dad in the World. Do you read? Over. Need confirmation. I repeat, need confirmation. [makes static sound]

The policemen all laugh.

THE PASSENGER: You were always the funny one [then suddenly not laughing]

THE DRIVER: [still smiling] Take my wife. Take her and bury her next to the Greatest Dad in the World.

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: [drumming on thighs, nervous and cold] I don’t get that one.

THE DRIVER: Greatest Dad in the World, why do I immediately feel angered by almost everyone I meet [turns slightly in seat] Is it just because I really want to be friends with them and I can’t, so I act mean? [confused] Why am I like that?

THE PASSENGER: Wait [looking at driver] do I make you angry?

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: [leaning forward] Yeah, how about me?

THE DRIVER: [gesturing] No I mean everyone else. Come on. We’re great friends. Right?

THE PASSENGER and THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: [together] Yeah.

They sit quietly. Slats of cold come in through the window that has crushed the fingers.

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: Greatest Dad in the World, is it better to learn something or already know it?

GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD: [grabbing wrist with other hand, pulls] I don’t know.

They watch someone slide past on a bike, a single light on its handlebars guiding the bike into the distance’s eventual darkness.

THE DRIVER: [watching the bike leave] What are those called again?

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: Bicycles?

THE PASSENGER: Yeah bicycles. Greatest Dad in the World, will my kids grow up to hate me? [clears throat] Am I being a good dad myself? I mean [raises both hands] clearly, I can’t be the best. But you know.

THE DRIVER: Oh also, I forgot, watch this [hits his hand against the seat, dust emerges] I can’t figure out how that gets in there. I mean, there is so much. Sorry [looks around] is it my turn? Every time I hit the seat more of it comes out. It’s inside and always floating out. There must be mating. What does the mating look like? I would catch it in my mouth if I weren’t worried about it killing me. I wish I was inside the seat and that there were no hands to knock me out. I don’t want to die. I do not want to die without knowing I have done good [scratches chin] Sorry, that was more than one question.

THE PASSENGER: [to no one] No one ever gave me Valentine’s cards in grade school. That is why I am so mean and angry.

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: [to the passenger] I liked the ones with a word game on them.

THE DRIVER: Me too [to man from the backseat] Hey are you tired man? You look all tired lately.

THE MAN FROM THE BACKSEAT: Naw [seems to question self] I’m good.

THE DRIVER: Alright [looking at The Greatest Dad in the World, still addressing the man from the backseat] You should sleep more though. It’s good for you. At least eight hours they say. They say at least eight hours, right? [poking Greatest Dad] I can’t have my little guys sleepy all the time. We are so very excited about being awake.

The Greatest Dad in the World cries softly. He clenches up and looks at his fingers. Then he tugs them through the window in three quick pulls and they slide through, some ripping off. The hand drops heavy into his lap, fingers bent red and blue, with pasty white folds where the skin is crumpled.

THE DRIVER: [looking forward at the snow-cuffed school] Please don’t leave us [very soft] Just don’t leave. Not now. We need—

The Greatest Dad in the World kicks his boot into the driver’s mouth, sending the driver’s head into the window hard. Then he elbows the man from the backseat when the man from the backseat tries to lean forward. The elbow breaks his nose and The Greatest Dad in the World grabs the ice scraper by his feet. He shoves the scraper end of the ice scraper into the passenger’s mouth as the passenger comes forward trying to strangle him. The ice scraper rips from the corner of his mouth fully to the ear, and he chokes on the scream, leaning back with his hands over his face. The Greatest Dad in the World fails to open the door with his broken fingers, so he switches hands and pushes his broken fingers into the backseat, into the passenger’s ripped cheek, along the gumline. And, rip-faced, the passenger bites down hard, missing, the broken fingers slipping along his gums. The car door opens, and The Greatest Dad in the World runs into the darkness. Out through the playground of the school and into an alley he dots the snow, looking up and down the roads and corners. Running. The flakes come heavy and slow. He is The Greatest Dad in the World and he has a big future. In the car the policemen sit in harsh draft and flake fall.