Rachel Cantor - A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neetsa Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World

A Plan

GET OUT OF HER! he shouted. I mean it! Isaac, get your ibbur out of her!

Suddenly the world zigzagged — it shot forward and back, leaving Leonard nauseous from his toes to his afro, and Sally, who had apparently not heard him yell, saying, as if for the first time, You’re the only one who understands — and looking deep into Leonard’s eyes.

Leonard closed his eyes, so he wouldn’t have to gaze into eyes-that-weren’t-Sally’s. And discovered within himself a Plan.

The boy would like to see how the Brazen Head works, he said, when he’d reopened his eyes. Felix nodded obligingly.

I’ll tell Dwane, Sally said, taking Leonard’s other hand.

Now, Leonard said. Felix wants to see it now.

Sally looked at Leonard rather coldly.

Of course, she said, releasing his hands. Follow me, and the three went back inside.

Dwane and a few others were in the Brazen Head room. Sally explained what Felix wanted, and Dwane said, No.

You have no choice, Sally said.

He gave her a dark look and proceeded to explain the workings of the Head. The many screens made the system look more complicated than it was. Really, it was mostly automatic by now. Incomings flashed on one of the screens, and their requests for information were routed through enormous infovats. Queries about certain topics were flagged, as by now Leonard well knew. These days, all the Baconians had to do was create information-gathering scenarios to amuse their subscribers.

Like the compostmen? Felix asked.

That was mine, Dwane said. The best ones are.

In response, one of the young men sitting on a swirly chair tossed a rubber duck in Dwane’s direction.

It doesn’t look like a head, Felix observed.

The one Bacon had did, Sally said. It was made of brass, that’s why it’s called brazen; it took him seven years to build. He thought it would answer any question for him, but he never quite got it to talk. We find a screen head works better.

How do you use it to talk to someone? Leonard asked.

You don’t, Dwane said. Another daft question from our man Stan.

Leonard didn’t have a clue how he was going to make his plan work, but he had no choice. No choice and just one chance.

Go!

Midafternoon tea wasn’t much fun. Dwane kept giving Leonard the evil eye, and Felix couldn’t stop fidgeting, maybe because Leonard had apprised him of his plan, and Felix didn’t like telling lies. Sally sat so close to Leonard he could feel her orange-skin gown brushing beguilingly against his leg, and when he spoke she looked at him adoringly. Leonard might have liked that had he been sure it was he whom she adored and not the information she thought he had. Like about the demons, and whatever it was that allowed Felix to stop time.

After the jujuberry tea had been passed and everyone was nibbling a primrose tart, Leonard tapped Felix’s leg under the table and Felix stood and said, I’ve had another dream.

Where? Sally said. When?

Sometimes he dreams when he’s awake, Leonard explained.

It’s a good one, Felix said. Much better than the last.

What? Sally said. Tell us!

I’d like to be in the library. I’d like to be holding the manuscript. Everyone has to be there.

Okay, Sally said. Hop to, Stans! Dwane, go ask the Good Friars if they want to send a representative. Hurry!

Everyone reassembled in the library; Leonard made sure he stood next to the door.

Is everyone here? Felix asked. If anyone’s missing, this won’t work.

Sally did a head count.

Everyone’s accounted for, she said.

I need to do my prophetic ritual first, Felix said. Who will time me?

Twenty hands shot into the air. Felix picked an alchemist standing far from the door.

Five minutes, Felix said, and for this to work, I need everyone’s absolute concentration. Watch me unwaveringly and think only pure thoughts. You ready?

The alchemist nodded.

You’re supposed to say, GO!

GO! the alchemist said, and Leonard slipped from the room.

Speaking to Roger Bacon

He went quickly to the Brazen Head room and locked himself in. He knocked some checkers off a swirly chair and sat there a moment.

He didn’t know what to do. All afternoon he’d thought about this, but he was still at a loss. If it had been anything else about which he needed information, he’d have asked the Brazen Head!

That was it! He’d ask the Brazen Head! He pressed the Speak to Me button on his navigator watch, as if the Brazen Head itself weren’t there.

How do I use the Brazen Head to talk to someone? he asked, and chose the swiftest information-gathering mechanism: a simple riffle through a filing cabinet.

Lights in the room started flashing, because his query had been flagged, Leonard supposed, but the answer came up anyway, and it was simpler than he would have thought.

What a daft question, it said. Just ask! And so Leonard did.

I want to speak to Roger Bacon through the Brazen Head. Please.

A sound like an old-fashioned dialphone came from the screens.

Brazen Head? he heard an English voice say. Brazen Head, is it you?

Time for you to save the world

It is I, Leonard said. How are you?

How am I? I am speechless! I have long been staring at your brazen face, waiting for you to speak! It is a miracle! Where shall we begin?

Listen, Roger, I can’t talk long. It is very important that you listen. Very important.

Yes, Brazen Head! I am listening.

No, I mean, you really have to listen! What I am about to say will change the course of history. You have a destiny, Roger. It is time for you to fulfill that destiny, but you must listen to me. You must listen very, very carefully.

I’m listening, Brazen Head! Speak to me! Do you wish to reveal the secrets of astrology? Optics? I have this idea for a flying machine, perhaps you can help me with that? Ships that run on steam? Exploding powder? I have so many ideas, there is so much to do!

You are not listening, Roger! It’s time for you to save the world.

Oh, Roger said. I’m listening.

You are using your secret language to write a manuscript. I know of this.

Yes, I am.

It is imperfect. It will be used by future generations for evil.

No! I am using a method of encryption that no one can know.

I know, Leonard said. The letters dance, don’t they?

Roger gasped.

You are truly a miracle, Brazen Head!

You must anchor the letters. Find a way. They must not dance. Do you understand what I am saying? The letters must not dance. This is very, very important.

I must anchor the letters.

Will you do this? They must not dance.

I can do this. Yes, I know how to do this.

You know how to do this?

I am Roger Bacon, the most marvelous mind of my age!

How will you do this?

I will use a different ink! An ink made of snails!

No, Roger. You must use a different language. Not your lingua ignota, not the language you receive from visions. Others who have visions will be able to read that language, and they will use what you write for ill. What we need is an unbreakable code. Got it?

Can you speak to the dead, O Brazen Head?

Focus, Roger. I have a message for you. Have you understood me? I may not return, so it’s very important that you listen. I will tell you one more thing, something that will make you a famous man for all eternity. You must befriend Pope Clement …

Pope who?

Clement! Guy somebody or other …

Cardinal Guy le Gros de Foulques? He is to be pope?

Roger, I need you to listen! Your Franciscans will not allow you to write. Clement will allow you to write, but only for a short while. Use the time well, but whatever you do, do not write about what you learned in Spain. If you do that, Clement will burn you at the stake and your writings, all your knowledge, will be lost forever. I guarantee it and I am the Brazen Head!