Elaine N. Aron - The Highly Sensitive Child - Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them

Helping Our Children Thrive

When the World

Overwhelms Them

Thorsons

An Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

The website address is: www.thorsonselement.com

and Thorsons are trademarks of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

First published in the USA in 2002 by Broadway Books,

a division of Random House, Inc.

This edition published in 2003 by Thorsons

© 2002 Elaine N. Aron

Elaine N. Aron asserts the moral right to be

identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record of this book is available

from the British Library

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Source ISBN: 9780007163939

Ebook Edition © JUNE 2012 ISBN 9780007382897

Version: 2018-11-19

To sensitive children everywhere,

and to those who gently raise them so that they grow up

to be secure in a difficult world

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction

Is Your Child Highly Sensitive: A Parent’s Questionnaire

PART I: AN OVERVIEW OF THE SENSITIVE CHILD

PART II: FROM INFANCY TO YOUNG ADULTHOOD

Twenty Tips for Teachers

Resources

Notes

Acknowledgments

About the Publisher

If you are reading these words, there is something about your child that makes you think he or she is highly sensitive. To best understand what that means, read over the checklist on pages xvii–xviii. If many of these statements apply to your child, read on … and welcome.

Almost everyone knows that even at birth children have their own personalities. “She always knew what she wanted, even as a baby, and she was going to have it or else.” “He was always good-natured. Feed him or not, change him or not—it hardly mattered.” Like every other child, yours has inherited her own unique combination of innate temperament traits. Yet each trait taken by itself is probably not unique, but is typical of a group of children, and so it can be easily described. “Strong-willed.” “Good-natured.” And so forth.

One such common inherited trait is high sensitivity, found in about 15 to 20 percent of children (the percentage is the same in boys and girls). Some infants seem fairly oblivious to whatever you feed them and whatever the temperature of the room may be; it does not matter to them if the stereo is on loud or the lights are bright. But highly sensitive infants seem to notice every slightly new taste, every change in temperature; they startle at loud noises and cry when a bright light is in their eyes. When they are older, they are often emotionally sensitive, too. They cry easily when their feelings are hurt, they worry more, and they can be so happy they “can’t bear it.” They also reflect before they act, so that they often come across as shy or afraid when they are merely observing. When they grow older still, they are often remarkable for their kindness and conscientiousness; they are upset by injustice, cruelty, or irresponsibility.

Even though it is possible to say a great deal about highly sensitive children (HSCs), no description will fit every child perfectly because, again, each HSC is unique, thanks to a unique combination of inherited traits plus different upbringings and school experiences. Your HSC may be outgoing or prefer to play alone, persistent or easily distracted, bossy and demanding or so adaptable he’s “almost too good.” But there is still a common thread of sensitivity you can recognize.

Now might be the time to tell you a little more about my study of high sensitivity in adults and how I came to extend my work to children and child-rearing. I am a research psychologist as well as a licensed clinical psychologist; I am also a highly sensitive person and the parent of one. As I describe in Chapter 1, I began researching high sensitivity as a trait about twelve years ago, and so far I have interviewed or consulted with hundreds, maybe thousands, of sensitive adults, parents, and children. I have gathered questionnaire data from thousands of others. This research has also been published in the leading journals in my field. The information you will find in this book is based on solid evidence. In fact, it has been studied for fifty years in infants and children but described in other terms, such as low sensory threshold, innate shyness, introversion, fearfulness, inhibitedness, negativity, or timidity. So one could say that the basic reason for this book is that the trait needed renaming, especially when the old terms are applied to children. And in renaming it, we gain not only a more accurate description but new ways to think about our sensitive children.