Nuruddin Farah - Maps

You were happy. You missed Misra. Evidently. Or, to put it differently, you missed her body’s warmth and the odour of her sweat — which was natural. Salaado was a cosmopolitan woman, she smelt of perfumes and her clothes smelt of mothballs, her nails of varnish, her shoes of polish. It was Hilaal who reminded you of Misra — his was the natural body odour. And he was fatter and liked to make bodily contact, just like Misra!

There was one essential fact which you never mentioned, not even in those unposted, unfinished letters — that Hilaal cooked all the meals, and Salaado drove their only car and everything was in her name, bank accounts, land deeds, literally everything. He drove, yes, but only when necessary And she was a terrible cook. And neither did you translate into Somali one of Uncle Hilaal’s favourite phrases: “Sooner or later, sex”.

They were wonderful: calm when you were caught in a storm of your own making; comforting whenever you were in some form of discomfort; providing space when that was what you needed desperately; trusting of you and of one another and of your need of each other, giving, forgiving and loving all the time. You were your own person and your life was your own and you could do with it what you pleased. And they? They were at your service, they were there to help you if it was their assistance you sought; they were there to let you go if that was what you wished. For example, there was that time in Hargeisa, where Salaado and you were holidaying — you had earned a vacation by doing well in your eighth-grade examination — when Hilaal sent you a letter you've preserved till this day. Here is the body of the letter:

My dearest Askar ,

I am indeed disturbed by your behaviour, disturbed and bothered by what Salaado refers to as your most depressive state of mind to date. And what do you mean by saying that you haven't become “a man" so you can sit “in a Mogadiscio of comforts, eat a mountainful of spaghetti while my peers in the Ogaden starve to death or shed their blood in order to liberate it from Ethiopian hands”? Do I also understand that you wish to straighten out "this question about my own birth"?

Now, first point first. A man, indeed. Are you “a man”? One day, I would like you to define what or who is a “man”. Can one describe oneself as a man when one cannot make a viable contribution to the struggle of ones' people; when one is not as educated and as aware of the world's politics as ones enemy is; when one is not yet fifteen; when all the evidence of one's being a man comprises of one's height and a few hairs grown on the chin? Who will you kill, your enemy or yourself? And what's wrong with eating well and not being a refugee, which you might have been if you weren't my sister, Arla's, son and if Salaado and I weren't doing well financially. And pray don't talk ill of the UNHCR people, whether in Geneva, Mogadiscio or here, in this, or any other continent: they're not statisticians obsessed with abstracted numbers and charts of starvation and malnutrition. Of course, they have to ascertain how many refugees there are and how much money they can raise and how many calories an African child can cope with. It is the tone I don’t like, eating “a mountainful of spaghetti”, etc. Indeed! Askar, one must be grateful for the little mercies in life. One must be thankful to the dedicated souls, serving in these camps under very hard conditions (for them), while they wait for a donor to donate the food and medicines — making sure (and this is very, very difficult) that the local mafia doesn’t misappropriate them .

I confess, it pains me to remember the number of times you, Salaado and I have spoken about and analysed the seeds of your sense of “guilt”. Salaado ‘s telegraphic message suggests it to be as bad as the days following the tragic weekend when, overnight and in a coup de grâce, the Ogaden was wrung out of Somali hands and “returned” to Ethiopia’s claw-hammer. Now what’s this that I hear, that you were salvaged from the corpse of your mother? Is there anyone who can substantiate that with some evidence? Your mother lived long enough to have scribbled something in her journal. That means that she died after you were born, especially if we take into account Misra’s statement which agrees with this claim of mine .

To think, at your age, when you’re in Hargeisa for a holidaying trip, that your thoughts are still obsessed with some obscure facts relating to your birth. This disturbs Salaado — it perturbs me. Salaado tells me that you want to return to Kallafo in order to have this question answered once and for all. That is not the same thing as joining the Western Somali Liberation Front, I take it? But Salaado is under the impression that for you, the two are one and the same thing. Now what do you want to do? Of course, you can do both and we have no objection to your deciding to return to the Ogaden as a recruited member of the Front (which we all support) and when there, do your research into your beginnings. You tell us what you want and well give you our opinion .

Forgive me, but I've never held the view — nor has Salaado — that, since there are many able-bodied men and women in the Ogaden who can shoot a gun, kill an “Amxaar” in a scuffle and, if need be, confront the lion in the den, a youngster like you mustn’t go. No. “Somebody” must go. But who is this “somebody”? If every father, mother, relation said, “No, not my son, let someone else join the Front”, then you know where we’ll end up? The view Salaado and I hold, is that since you’ll prove to be excellent material as a researcher, as a writer of articles and as one who can impart enlightened opinion about the cause, why not “eat mountainfuls of spaghetti while others die” and why not, when doing so, complete your education .

Should you insist that you wish to re-enter the Ogaden without touching Mogadiscio, then I am afraid that neither Salaado nor I can do anything about it. All we can suggest that we offer is help. But I plead to you not to depart without at least letting Salaado know. If you inform me by return post that you’re definitely leaving, then I’ll make arrangements for more money to be transferred to Hargeisa, care of a bank .

If we’re to believe that you “stared” at Misra when she found you and Arla, my sister, then you were at least a day old. For sight, my dear Askar, is a door which does not open instantly in the newly born. What I mean is, that it takes longer than a few minutes for a baby just bom to develop the knack to look, let alone “stare". Be that as it is. But the fact that it shrouds your beginnings in mysteries preponderant as the babies born in the epic traditions of Africa, Europe and Asia — this fact does interest me greatly. Did you sprout like a plant out of the earth? Were you born in nine months, in three or seven?

In other words, do you share your temperament with the likes of Sunjata or Mwendo, both being characters in Africa's epic traditions? For example, it is said that Sunjata was an adult when he was three. Mwendo, in the traditions told about him, is said to have chosen to be delivered, not through the womb, but through a middle finger. There are other epic children who took a day to be conceived and born and yet others required a hundred and fifty years to be bom at all Now why did this “epic child” wait for a hundred and fifty years? Because he made the unusual ( I almost said, rational) request not to use as his exit (or was it his entrance) the very organ which his mother employed as her urinary passage. Another feature common among epic children is that they are all born bearing arms. And you, Askar, you’re armed by name, aren’t you?