Natashia Deon - Grace

Doctor rearranged his fingers on Kathy’s neck like playing a small piano there, feeling for something. “Cough,” he said again. “Sounds to me like Annie has her priorities in order now. Before today, I would’ve told Richard that he’d be right to divorce her. For her madness. Likely brought on by her barren condition. Especially after she’s brought ill to the Graham home in the manner she has. Roll to your left side.”

“Well, it’s good to be home,” Richard said and turned around into Kathy’s gaze.

“Is it good?” Kathy said.

“It was the right decision,” Doctor said. “It won’t be long until the danger reaches Tallassee and this property. Annie shouldn’t have to go it alone.”

“It’s dangerous everywhere,” Kathy said.

“Union armies burned whole cities in Virginia,” Doctor said. “Murdered innocent civilians. Lincoln is a war criminal, is what. Marauding and looting.”

“Is that us or them?” Kathy said.

“Beg pardon?” Doctor said.

“I heard our own Home Guards are doing their fair share against the innocent. Harassing folks. Richard? How many times were we stopped at gunpoint on the road here?”

“Forgive Katherine,” Richard said. “She’s confused. Our Home Guards have important jobs to do. Protect my property — all civilian property — intercept stragglers, deserters, folks avoiding conscription. . cowards.”

“Is that what we look like to everybody?” Kathy said. “Cowards?”

“Disqualified,” Richard said. “No one here’s avoided service. It’s been my misfortune. And every town needs a doctor on hand.”

Doctor laid his head on Kathy’s belly.

“See, she’s simple,” Richard said. “She believes everything is cut and dry.”

“War is. . complicated,” Doctor said to Katherine, nodding with a look of sorry, as if he were explaining a dead pet to a child.

“I heard about what happened in Texas,” Kathy said. “Sixty-five sleeping Confederates executed by other Confederates. You can’t trust anybody.”

“They were avoiding service,” Richard said. “Escaping to Mexico.”

“Deserters,” Doctor said.

“Brothers deserving a fair trial,” Kathy said.

“And I imagine they’ll be plenty more,” Doctor said. “Our army will be working long after we win this war to punish criminals. Our Home Guards and other military men will have to become bounty hunters. Have you heard the numbers, Richard?”

“Thousands,” Richard said.

“No, tens of thousands of deserters,” Doctor said. “Good thing there’s no statute of limitations on cowards.”

“Or murderers,” Kathy said. “But that’s not y’all. Y’all are good men. Richard, for coming home to be here with Annie. And you, Doctor, for ushering human life into the world.”

“Unconventional,” Doctor said. “It’s what I do. Most folks believe the act of delivering babies is a woman’s job.”

“Unconventional, Doctor?” Kathy said.

“It means I can perform a job that most men won’t,” he said. “It’s really no different than handling any other animal.”

Richard laughed. “The biggest difference is that the other animals don’t talk.”

“Then it’s our good fortune you’ve chosen the profession,” Kathy said.

“She has an aversion to negroes,” Richard said.

“The thought of one touching my baby. .”

“It’s understandable,” Doctor said. “You’d be in your most vulnerable moments. A good white woman wouldn’t necessarily want strange negroes helping to bring her baby into the world. My wife would have chosen the same, bless her departed soul.”

He touched the other side of Kathy’s neck, her back, and her ankles through her clothes while he talked to Richard. Told him that this was the End Times. It’s what the Bible describes as the end of the world, marked by war and suffering. Doctor said he was ready to survive it. Made his home a blockhouse against enemies and weapons. Added rosebushes out front, said, “The bushes make good bullet stoppers. Most people think gunfights happen between the tits and naval. They don’t. They happen twelve inches off the ground.”

Doctor told Richard he should do the same to his house for Annie and Ms. Katherine in case the devil wins this war.

“They won’t win,” Richard said.

“Adequate preparation is the key to civilization,” Doctor said. “Crops and fields could be destroyed in the battle, then the food shortages come. Anarchy. It doesn’t take long for people to turn into animals. Nine days of hunger could turn any good woman into a prostitute. Gold and sugar will be the only good currency. I’ve got both.

“Cough again,” Doctor said.

He gently squeezed along the tops of Kathy’s arms and down to her wrists. He pinched her fingertips, then her knuckles. Skipped back up her arms to her elbows and shoulders, tapped them there. “Roll to your right side.”

Her thick auburn hair fell beside her and blanketed his hand, its reddish tones shimmered there. Even the doctor paused to notice. As he pulled his hand away, he rubbed her strands together as if sifting through grains of sand. Kathy caught him doing it before he moved on. “Please, roll flat on your back,” he said.

Even though Kathy’s not old, the loose skin under her chin sagged back as she laid on her back, leaving only a crease between her chin and neck and together it looked like a tree trunk. Strange-looking to me but not to Doctor. He was looking at her cleavage in the low cut of her sundress.

“Pretty dress,” he said.

Richard said, “Folks around here don’t usually wear clothes like that. All the fashion in Mississippi.”

“Doctor?” Kathy said, pinching her cleavage to a bulge. “You reckon these are enough to please him? My baby, I mean. They’re like blueberries, don’t you think? Small and. . a mouthful maybe. A teensy bit to suck on. What do you think, Doctor?”

He glanced past her chest like he hadn’t already saw, and he stuttered, “They — they’re plenty full enough. . can please any baby.”

“They’re pleasing?” Kathy said.

“Sufficient. . I meant. God created all mothers to feed their children. I don’t think you’ll have a worry.”

He felt over her swollen belly from the outside of her dress, and just as he did, Kathy lifted her dress above her baby. “Will this be easier, Doctor?”

The doctor froze and stared at her nakedness.

“Katherine!” Richard said, and came near the bed. But when he saw the fullness of her veiny, white belly, he was struck and gagged and turned his head. “Put your dress down!”

“If he’s gonna be my doctor,” Kathy said, “he can’t be afraid to touch me. You’re not afraid to touch me, are you, Doctor?”

“Of course not,” Doctor said, taking in a swallow of air. “Just like any other animal.”

She reached up for Doctor’s hand and pressed it into her naked belly. From over his shoulder, Richard said, “Don’t go telling the doctor how to do his job, Katherine. I’m sorry, Doctor. They do things differently in Mississippi.”

The doctor glided his fingers over her belly. “Perfect condition,” he said. “I’ve seen many pregnancies, but you. . no stretch lines, no discoloration, no absurd weight gain. Beautiful.” He palmed her belly, held it with both hands. “I’ll tell you what, Miss Katherine. Your husband is a lucky man.”

“He’s dead,” she said.

Richard coughed.

“The letter came yesterday.”

“Why, Katherine, you didn’t tell me Billy died,” Richard said.

“I asked Annie to give me a day or two before I let the family know.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Doctor said. His words triggered a flow of imagined grief in Katherine and she cried. . no, wailed. . like she’d lost the baby. Lost many babies.