Daniela Kapitánová - Samko Tále's Cemetery Book

So I got frightened that Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) might find out about it, because the High Ups always used to find out about everything, and then I’d get into trouble regarding having known about it and not having reported it. That’s why I went to see Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) and I told him everything, because he was my friend.

Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) was my friend and he was very nice and kind and he always listened to everything I had to say and he always gave me Karlsbad Wafers. He said that I was a good boy for coming to tell him and that I should always come and report everything regarding Žebrák, Uncle Otto and other people, too.

And that’s why I’ve always told him everything.

And I’ve always got a lot of praise as well as Karlsbad Wafers and all sorts of badges and sometimes even sandwiches.

But the next time I went to see Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) he said he had checked it all out and found out that Žebrák was really ill regarding coloured urine and not regarding Blackshard Shapkas, but that I should keep noticing things anyway and shouldn’t tell anyone because it was our big secret. But he didn’t have to tell me that, because I know how to keep a secret because I’m no retard. Right?

Right.

But the thing is, when Žebrák came to Komárno along with Ivana some time later, the police and the doctors came to ask him all sorts of questions including about Uncle Otto and his Mission and then everyone in my family got worked up and scared about what might happen and what was what and why and how, and Ivana shouted at me and said she would give me a right thrashing if it was me who told that stuck-up Gunár about it, but I didn’t tell her anything about having reported it because I had promised Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) that I wouldn’t tell anyone.

Because a Young Pioneer knows how to keep a secret.

And another thing that Ivana told me was that if the High Ups ever found out, we would all end up in jail and that would include me because of aiding and abetting.

But I knew that I didn’t do any aiding and abetting and if anyone ended up in jail it wouldn’t be me, because I was friends with Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences). Anyway.

But the one thing I don’t get is how come that back then it was such a big secret that the police had to come and ask Žebrák all those questions about avoiding, and how come that later, after the Communist Party was gone, Ivana once went on TV, except that she didn’t play the piano but just sat there telling funny stories about her life? And she told the big secret about Žebrák and the Blackshard Shapkas on TV and it made everyone laugh because it was humorous. And I was the only one who didn’t laugh, because I didn’t think it was humorous at all.

Because the one thing I really hate is how everything can change just like that, and then from one day to the next everything can be different and nobody will tell you what’s what and why and how, and you might think that everything is just like it used to be, but nothing is like it used to be and people can make fun of you because you don’t know what’s what and why and how.

Because that’s what people are like.

And another thing I don’t get is why Ivana has to be on TV all the time, and why she always has to push herself everywhere and say things on TV and in newspapers, as if she was something special.

I’m always scared of what Ivana might say next because she keeps saying things that you’re not supposed to say.

Because that’s what Ivana is like. Anyway.

But after the police came to ask Žebrák all these questions they sent him back to hospital for another test and after that Žebrák said that he would rather do Military Service than go for another test like that.

And when it was all over he told me to come to the kitchen and started telling me all about this test and how painful it was and when I heard it I nearly got sick, because I’m not supposed to get upset, so I told Žebrák to stop telling me about it but he wouldn’t stop and he kept telling me all about it. How they tied him to a table and started sticking in a needle with a rubber tube attached. They were sticking it in there. You know where I mean. In his penis.

I don’t know what the point was of Žebrák telling me all that. And I have no idea why he had to keep looking me in the eye as he was telling me how a doctor had held him down and another doctor stuck a needle with a tube attached in there. Sometimes I still have to think about Žebrák and how he sat in the kitchen looking me in the eye and telling me all about them sticking a needle with a tube you know where. In his penis.

I wanted to report him to Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) and tell him how he had looked me in the eye, but I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know how to tell him about the looking in the eye so I didn’t say anything. Because if you can’t say something what’s the point of saying it, right?

Right.

But it’s also possible that Žebrák just made it all up regarding the needle and the tube and the two doctors. Maybe they did no such thing to him because I’m also sick with my kidneys, in fact I’m much sicker than Žebrák and no such thing has ever happened to me. I just get my blood and urine samples taken all the time because everyone respects me, not just people, but doctors, too.

And the authorities respect me too because I got my disability pension straight away, without having to go to Hospital even though other people had to stay in Hospital before they got their disability pension.

And since then my pension has been raised many times over, because people respect me.

I don’t really have to go to Hospital but I go anyway, partly regarding salt-free lunches and partly I go there on Tuesdays because I’m allowed to collect every Tuesday. But only cardboard, because you’re not allowed to take anything else out of the Hospital. Because the only thing you’re allowed to take out of the Hospital is cardboard, but only the kind of cardboard that’s allowed. Nothing else is allowed because it’s strictly forbidden.

Like for example the stuff in the blue sacks, that’s not allowed because the blue sacks are full of all sorts of leftovers with germs in them and if they were taken out it would be a total disaster. Because the blue sacks would make everyone sick.

There’s this security man at the Hospital whose name is Viliam Sásky and he always checks my handcart to make sure that I’m not taking out anything that’s not allowed, because he’s a very important person. But he is nice because he doesn’t let other people take things out of the Hospital, he only allows me because he knows that I only take out things that are allowed. For example, Viliam Sásky won’t let that rat-woman Angelika Édesová, the nasty Gypsy, to take things out because he knows that she would take out the sacks with the leftovers, because people like her don’t care if it’s allowed or not.

When I go home from hospital sometimes I stop and sit in the little park by the Water Tower. The one that Tonko Szedílek fell from. But I don’t like to sit there very much, because I don’t like to think about it.

Because I got a lot of praise afterwards and people said that I was a clever boy. Especially Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences), he gave me a lot of praise and said that I was a clever boy, only Darinka Gunárová didn’t want to be my friend any more, and she became very weird.

Yesterday I saw Darinka Gunárová outside the Cultural Centre. When we met she shook hands with me just like I was a real person.

People don’t usually shake hands with me very much, even though they respect me for being hard-working and whatever, but that’s because I am usually out and about with my handcart and I have to hold the handle so that’s why I don’t usually shake hands with people.