Daniela Kapitánová - Samko Tále's Cemetery Book

But that can’t be true at all and I hate it when people say things like that about Eszter Csonka being not just half Hungarian but half Gypsy on top of that, because that’s not true and nobody in the whole world or in Slovakia can say things like that about Eszter Csonka being not just half Hungarian but half Gypsy, too.

That sort of thing ought to be forbidden.

And it ought to be possible to get a Certificate which I could have in the Documents so I could show to people to prove that I’m a proper Slovak just like every other Slovak, and also to stop people saying things like that about Eszter Csonka. And if they kept on saying things like that they would get reported and be in big trouble regarding a fine.

But one thing I don’t get is why Grandaddy never said things like that about Ivana or Margita and about their blood even though Ivana has always been artistic regarding the piano and it goes without saying that many Gypsies are artistic regarding musical instruments. I’ve never been artistic regarding any musical instruments, and yet Grandaddy used to say things like that about me.

That’s why I went to see Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) and I told him what Grandaddy had said and Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) was very nice and he said I was a good boy and Grandaddy must have been joking.

And that relieved me, because the Communist Party knows everything and if those things about Eszter Csonka had been true Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) would have known about it. But he didn’t know about it so it can’t have been true.

And that relieved me.

Because if it had been true and there was some of that blood in me then Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) wouldn’t have respected me so much for being hard-working, right?

Right.

But there isn’t any of that blood in me, so there.

Because I’m just like anyone else, because if I wasn’t just like anyone else I would be totally different, but I’m not and I have my own one-bedroom flat and I look after it and I pay all my bills on time and can sort out everything by myself, even though I never sort out anything because Margita always sorts out everything for me. Because she knows lots of people regarding sending children to children’s homes.

Plus I’m well-off regarding money too, because I’m very economical and I don’t waste money on silly things such as alcohol and cigarettes and other stuff that’s bad for you, because I only drink yoghurt and marsh-mallow herbal tea.

But yoghurt is the best.

Because yoghurt is very good for you. Anyway.

And that’s why I only drink yoghurt and I never waste money on silly things, and due to that I’m well-off regarding money, too I keep my money in a Savings Account because you can’t be too careful. I have a password, too I made up the password myself. But I won’t write it down here because I can’t be too careful, even though I’m a writer now. Because if I wrote it down here something might happen and even though I don’t want to say anything bad about this man called Koloman Kertész Bagala because I don’t even know him, I can’t be too careful because you never know what might happen and what’s what and why and how.

I was going to ask Ivana about him because she knows everyone but I didn’t because she would have asked why I was asking because that’s what she’s like so I won’t tell her.

She doesn’t have any good qualities at all.

I have lots of good qualities and I’m very careful as well. That’s why I’m not going to write down how well-off I am regarding money. When Margita’s son Patrik was going to America, Margita wanted to borrow some money from Ivana but they had an argument regarding politics and afterwards she didn’t want to ask her so she asked me instead to lend her 50,000 Slovak crowns in money so I gave her the money because I always eat lunch at their house on Sundays, and besides I didn’t know how to tell her that I couldn’t lend her the money and why. So I did. And after that her husband Valent Anka said that he was going to be fifty years old this year and he would throw a big party, like the Hungarians have never seen in Komárno, and that he would invite me, too.

But he needn’t tell me things like that about inviting me to his party and whatever. I don’t care about being invited because I don’t have time for silly things like that and besides, he said that he was going to make hunter’s goulash with spices and barrels of beer, but I’m not allowed hunter’s goulash because it’s very spicy and I’m not allowed beer either because it’s very alcoholic.

And people would just stare at me anyway because all sorts of engineers from the Docks would be there but I’m very hard-working and I’m not allowed hunter’s goulash because it’s very spicy and because I have to take good care of myself.

And that’s why it’s totally out of the question.

What I would also like to know is if he’s going to invite Ivana and Žebrák as well, because they always argue regarding politics. Last time they had an argument it was in my room for living, and they all stood round the table arguing with very long words. First Valent Anka said that he was an engineer in the Docks so he knew what life was about, but Ivana had no idea what life was about because all she did was jet-setting all round the world. Then Ivana said that she was jet-setting all round the world so she knew what life was about, but Valent Anka was just an engineer in the Docks and had no idea what life was about.

Then they said all sorts of long words to each other and after that Ivana left for Bratislava along with Žebrák and they have only met at funerals since then. And that’s why I wonder if he’s going to invite them to his party because Valent Anka’s party will be a party, not a funeral.

But if Ivana keeps on being like that and if she keeps telling me off for being unhygienic, I will report her to Žebrák and he’ll show her what’s what.

Because I did report her to Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) too and I reported to him how Ivana cried in the toilet, because in the old days Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) told me that I should always report everything about Žebrák’s military service and the Blackshard Shapka mushroom, so that’s what I’ve always done. Because they’ve got to know everything, because if there was something they didn’t know and the Communist Party came back and asked them how come they didn’t know something, even though other people knew, it would be a total disaster.

That’s why I reported everything about Ivana but all that Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) said was that it was to be expected, that she had always been the first one to judge others and now she behaved like this.

Then he gave me some Poprad Wafers because he said that he wasn’t buying Karlsbad Wafers any more, because we had to support our own wafers instead of Czech wafers.

I support our wafers instead of Czech wafers, too.

Because they are very tasty and they are very good for you.

Karol Gunár (PhD Social Sciences) also likes them because they are tasty and very good for you, plus they are Slovak and not Czech.

Anyway.

Yesterday I saw Darinka Gunárová outside the Cultural Centre. We shook hands and I laughed because I didn’t know what’s what and why and how, and Darinka Gunárová laughed too and then I didn’t mind laughing either.

Darinka Gunárová was on her own and I was on my own too because people don’t often walk with me in the street, because when I’m out and about with my handcart it’s always loaded full of cardboard and I can’t see what’s ahead of me, so I need to make sure that I can see at least what’s behind me, and that’s why I had a rear-view mirror fitted on my handcart, only it’s broken off now and I’ve become a writer due to that.