Marlene van Niekerk - Agaat

Witsand 23 December ’67

Every time I open this special Witsand booklet that’s left to lie here in a drawer all year long I page back to the entries for previous holidays & I can’t believe how time passes and how big Jakkie is already. Second year in school already! Eight in August next year! Invited a few people over for a Christmas concert. He hears a tune only once then he remembers it words and all. So then I taught him Ave Maria & Little Drummer Boy & Jerusalem & then he sang in the sitting room for the people & and a lot of other songs that he’d learnt from his teacher. Good intonation attractive colour in the voice good rhythmic sense but it’s been like that from when he was small still he’s developed very nicely since he’s been having lessons.

Witsand 5 January 1968

A. back had gone with J. to Heidelberg after New Year to buy provisions we’ll be here 10 days more then wouldn’t she go and buy herself a fishing rod with her Christmas money. She’s been watching other fishermen she says. J. laughs where on earth have you ever seen a fuzzy fishing but he has no problem eating the fish she catches. She now goes out in the morning while it’s still dark takes Jakkie along then she comes back at seven with a silvery cob & now this last time a fat galjoen. A. is always soaked to the bands of her apron.

How does she do it I ask Jakkie. He says first she preaches to the fish to lure them & when the first crabs crawl out to hear the sermon then she knows the fish are there as well. Then she juts out hr jaw & walks into the sea fully dressed she casts only once zirrrr! and then it bites hu! & then she jerks ha! & then the rod bends but just for a while then the fish is tired out with struggling then she winds in the reel with the little hand whirrywhirrywhirry & presses the rod in her loins with the strong hand then the fish comes hop-hopping through the little waves and then she gaffs him schmak! through the thick meat with the two-pronged fork then she takes him by the tail & smacks his head shplat! one blow against the rocks because she says she gets queasy to the stomach at a thing lying there & dying without breath & when it’s dead she says amen.

Baked fish steamed fish fishcakes pickled fish pink fish-moulds fish soup & salads & fish pies with fennel I must say we’re feasting this year on A.’s catches. She really is becoming such a dab hand in the kitchen & thinks up all sorts of new fish recipes I say yikes Agaat take a short cut with the food & rest a bit you work so hard all year & she says it’s hr holiday to catch fish & to clean it & to make nice food from it because at home it’s always only mutton & slaughtering makes her queasy & she gives away fish to all and sundry when we have visitors. Rather sell it for extra pocket money for yourself I say. She says it comes out of the sea for nothing & catching them’s a fluke it’s not work but it’s not swimming either because that she says she really can’t see the point of.

Witsand 10 January 1968

Home tomorrow. Actually slightly relieved then everybody can get back into their routines again. Jak has had enough of his canoe & when the wind blows he can’t go out on the river mouth then he sits here & ignores me if he doesn’t provoke me & then we squabble. Last night again a domestic rumpus. There’s a lot of bloedsappe here who rub Jak up the wrong way then he drinks too much.

Fortunately fine weather today. Think A. must get her monthlies then she gets out of sorts sits and sulks on the beach says she’s hot. Take off your apron I say take off your jersey but she just looks at me and folds her arms. J. rows with Jakkie deep in the sea with a lot of other fathers and their sons I tell hr have a look with the binoculars the yellow canoe look at Jakkie in his red life-jacket but she doesn’t want to. There’s a playing & a laughing around us the colourful umbrellas & balls on the last day of the holidays. Have packed cold red cooldrink & some of the nice custard biscuits but no laughing too much of an effort the mouth remains set on sour. Jakkie full of chat when they come out because he was so deep into the sea & that he was allowed to hold the oar & row with his father. Let you & me he says to A. let’s build such a big castle again with towers & dig a moat around it with a bridge of stones & snoek jawbones & coral but she refuses flat. Pure jealousy because he’s growing up now.

This evening after supper I see she’s embroidering a red & black cushion & she’s ostensibly telling Jakkie his bedtime stories and there she deviates from Hansel and Gretel & makes the witch say to the boy: Look so you think don’t you the sea is a friendly place where you play with coloured balls & chew sugarsticks & row in a yellow canoe there are black slimes below on the bottom there lurks an animal in the depths it blows through its nostrils filthy foams & it bites its own tail & it curls around the world like a clamp & it cramps in its guts with fury & then the water churns & that’s where waves come from & you think you row & you think you swim & you think it’s holidays with the colourful sun umbrellas but it’s not. How dare she? So I fly up on the spot & I scold my goodness but don’t be so malicious & I grab the cushion. A dragon it is with spiky wings scale by scale embroidered & above in death’s-head letters WITSAND. I show it to Jak & he says don’t come and moan to me now you filled that creature’s mind with all sorts of things when she was small I told you to watch out you never can tell how it’s going to hatch one day in a fuzzy-head.

Must get Jakkie under my hand a bit more. Spend more time music-making. That’s all he enjoys doing with me. If I can just get him going first. Singing & recorder-playing.

Witsand 11 January 1968

All packed and ready to go this morning then Jak wouldn’t leave because he’s heard at the café that there’s to be a beach race this afternoon for Father & Son in which he wants to take part with Jakkie. He’s creating massive trouble for me. The fridge had been cleaned & the freezer defrosted & all the frozen fish & tupperware filled with bouillons that A. had packed neatly to take along in boxes. So then we had to unpack everything again & switch on the freezer & A. grumbles nonstop throughout. She’d heard what Jak said last night & she’s good & fuming today. He has to watch his step she says the jaw stuck out all the way — I’ll make him a nice puffer-fish soup I have the recipe of a widow from Port Beaufort. God defend us.

The lamb, Jakkie’s hanslam. Was that the moment you felt something turning? Or before that already? You had hold of it in front by the neck-wool and Agaat was standing at the back with Jakkie in front of her.

You were under the eyes of Jak and under the eyes of Agaat. Between the two of them they had stared you into a corner. The lamb started bleating. Initially it had come running of its own accord. Agaat had called it.

Pietertjie. With its little fat tail. It thought it was going to be given the teat. But now it was scared. Now it started shying away with the head. You had to hold it tightly. It was actually too big already to be a hanslam but Jakkie was besotted with it. Every morning before school he went with Agaat to give it milk, a great greeting it was through the fence, a bleating. Every afternoon he went to fetch it out of the little camp. Then it came into the kitchen and stood head-butting while Jakkie was having his afternoon meal that Agaat had kept warm for him. Then they did homework, heads together at the kitchen table with the lamb that came and pressed against their knees.

It was Jakkie’s eighth birthday. Agaat gave him a knife as a present. On special order. A real Rodgers penknife from England, Sheffield, with two blades, bought from the Malay in Suurbraak. You baked cakes, Agaat and you, cupcakes, sponge cake cut in cubes for the party. People had been invited, lots of children. He was shy but you made him sing for the guests and accompanied him on the piano. Heimwee , by S. le Roux Marais. The adults were amazed. Beatrice listened wide-eyed. The children stood giggling, with glasses of cooldrink in their hands and cheeks bulging with cake. Jak was embarrassed.