Marlene van Niekerk - Agaat

and then there were two of the same

one for each elbow

hopalong down the passage a clumsy camel on the stoep calump calump here comes kamilla a bat on crutches a gothic letter who said we do not hear the coming of death?

the fifth had four legs and a name in chrome on the shaft

viking strider

the strider itself had a calf-foot rest she walks like a sentinel in athens her head on her neck a pitch-black tassel her heart waggles like a gyroscope

3 October 1961

What more must I think up to get hr down? Braying hides ploughing waterproofing tarpaulins seeder-sums! All in vain! It’s a year later & again it’s exactly the same damn nonsense as last year. Seems seasonal. Don’t want to end up in those maelstroms with her again.

So tonight the macaroni comes to the table again burnt to a cinder & Jak takes one look & gets up & drives away at speed. Waited till Jakkie was away & took a mouthful of J.’s brandy to calm myself & then went & knocked at A’s door. Said she had to come to the kitchen immediately. At first she won’t utter yea or nay & stares at the ground.

Now you’re going to look at me my girl I say look me in the eyes & tell me what in heaven’s name is wrong this time? A small flickering on her face but I keep my cool — would it do now to give hr the idea that she’s won here & I ask: What on God’s earth must I do with you to get you good again? & then of course I said the wrong thing: I can’t live any longer with such a person in my house. But wouldn’t she give me a quick look. I’m not in your house she says I’m in the outside room right there I almost explode with anger but I restrain myself & ask again: What must I do to get you good?

I want a fireplace, she says. I ask you!

Full of specifications on top of that: a grid & fire-irons & a mantel-piece. In my room. It’s damp. Its walls are mouldering. I’m cold.

Just like that full in my face.

It’s October I say. It’ll be winter again she says. It’s winter when I have my birthday.

Oh Lord is that what’s been going on all the time! With Jakkie’s birthday being in August A.’s in July of course went by disregarded again. How can she expect of me to remember that as well? But then for the sake of sweet peace I said I’m sorry & I said: A fireplace — what do you think of yourself! She gave me that look of hers & showed with her fingers & she said: I took your bull for you by the nose so that he could be dosed.

What could I raise against that? Her list could have been much longer.

9 October 1961 half past seven

From early this morning there’s been a breaking & hammering in the backyard & A.’s stuff has been carried out in a pile. Decided after all to have a fireplace installed in her room. It gets cold back there in the winter & Jakkie is now spending all his time with hr. Will have to teach hr to drive as well. Don’t want another crisis when Jak or Dawid isn’t here.

Where have you ever in your life heard of slave quarters with a built-in fireplace says J., does she think she’s a royal skivvy with a pedigree in Scotland? If I were him I say I’d keep my mouth shut she led his holy Hamburg by the nose for him & blew wine spirits into him while he the so-called master was prancing about volleying on the tennis court.

Had the dish & grid welded last week & had the lime mixed for the whitewashing on the outside & the black chimney pot is standing ready & the iron cross-beam to go above the grate so that the whole operation can be completed in a few days. See to it that it draws properly I said to D. there’s no point in going to all the trouble & then we’re stuck with smother & smoke inside the room. It must be got ready & right before we start the harvest there’s no time for toiling & moiling.

Quarter past nine

Have just been to have a peep in the backyard. Hearth-hole has been broken through. It’s going to be a half-outside roundbelly fireplace otherwise it will take up too much space inside. A. is standing in the middle of the floor with hr hands in front of hr & looks at the foundation of the hearth being laid. The labourers yell so can we come & fry our scratchings by your fire? our sheep’s tails our sheep’s heads? can we stew our porcupine over your coals or are you going to be otherwise with your fire? She doesn’t twitch a muscle but I know her she’s very taken with it. More than that. She looks inspired. Lord in heaven help us the girl.

Second day of hearth-building 12 o’clock

D. had me called to the kitchen they’ve finished plastering & whitewashing on the outside he says but inside’s a problem. Apparently A. is particular about the plastering around the hearth-hole. They must do what she says I command. He feels queasy says D. the builders are teasing A. between the legs. Send them home I say he’ll just have to help her on his own with the finishing-off inside just as long as it gets finished.

She doesn’t want to be helped says D. she wants to do it herself on her own it’s her altar. Heaven help. Altar. For what sacrifice?

After lunch

Strangely quiet in the backyard all afternoon. Went & looked out of the nursery window & lo & behold there are Saar & Lietja peering into A.’s window they’re pushing & shoving each other. Had better go & investigate.

5 o’clock

A. had gone to dig potatoes in the field for supper so then I went & peeped through the window. A cloth draped in front of the fireplace a bucket of plastering-cement & a pointed trowel & a bucket of water & a snow-white block-brush & a few shoe boxes all with lids on. Typical. Grabbed my opportunity & went to have a peek. Quartz pebbles & skulls & shells & baby’s toes & sea urchins from Witsand. Couldn’t look any further.

13 October

Instructed D. to teach A. to drive the bakkie. She refuses point-blank. Will just have to teach her the ropes myself. In a week we’re mowing.

15 October

Waited till J. was out this afternoon before taking the old Chevvy down to the fields with A. & Jakkie. Coaxed & wheedled there you have your fireplace now I said exactly as you wanted it now it’s my turn. She looks at me askance won’t give me the child to hold won’t get in behind the wheel. Perhaps I should just let it be. The fireplace seems in any case to have the desired effect. Everything is running smoothly again. Bread is rising chickens are laying flower garden spick & span big fires every evening. Hear her singing & telling stories to Jakkie there in the back. Every morning the white cloth is draped over the opening. Can’t see anything of what she’s been getting up to there only the heaps of ash & the half-burnt logs on the ash heap next to the compost heap. She cleans it up every morning early. Tends her fireplace like a verger.

20 October after eight

Went to peep what they’re doing there in the back. Sparks from the chimney fireworks on the outside room’s roof it hisses & sputters as the hot ash is blown into the rain (October rain! Two fields harvested already. Does though seem as if it will clear tomorrow. Can’t abide a hassle with wet wheat).

Peered through the chink in the curtains could only make out the silhouette A. on an apple box in front of the fireplace with Jakkie on her lap. No other light a tremendous fire. Pressed my ear against the pane couldn’t hear anything. Jakkie in his crawler his hair a halo around his head A.’s cap illuminated with the glow of the fire looks as if it could burst into flame at any moment. All the strange things plastered into the fireplace not exactly what one would call a work of art. Mouldings half Romish & creepy where does she get it from?