Genki Kawamura - If Cats Disappeared from the World

“How do you feel now?”

“I’m OK now.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Mama, how did you do that?”

“It’s a secret.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a little magic trick you can play on yourself. Whenever you feel sad and lonely, just smile and close your eyes. Do it as many times as you have to.”

So it was Cabbage who’d reminded me of my mother’s magic. Whenever I felt bad I would beg her to do it. There in the lobby of the movie theater, as I sat on the sofa, I slowly closed my eyes and forced myself to smile. The warmth crept back into my heart, and I felt calmed and soothed. It seemed I still had some of Mom’s magic left in me after all.

“Thank you, Mother.”

I’d never been able to say that to her. Those simple words. But I really did want to say it. And I finally had.

I opened my eyes, and Cabbage was still there, curled up purring on my lap.

“Thank you, Cabbage.”

I stroked his fur some more and he meowed as if he’d understood what I’d said. Then he meowed some more. He seemed to be trying very hard to tell me something. The strange human speech, those expressions that came out of some old TV show were no more. It seemed to me like this was his way of saying goodbye.

I remembered again what Mom used to always say about cats:

“We may think we own cats but that’s not the way it is. They simply allow us the pleasure of their company.” I’m glad I had a chance to talk to Cabbage before it all ended. Maybe this was Mom’s magic too. Goodbye, Cabbage. Thank you for the time you gave me.

I stayed there for a while longer, sitting on the sofa of the theater lobby in the fading light. I read back over the letter again as I stroked Cabbage. I read it again and again. But each time there was something at the end of the letter I got stuck on, like being pricked by a thorn. I felt a little stab of pain in my heart. There was still one thing I had left to do.

This is what it said at the end of the letter:

“Please make up with your father. I want you two to get along.”

I don’t know whether I’m happy or unhappy. But there’s one thing I do know. You can convince yourself to be happy or unhappy. It just depends on how you choose to see things.

When I woke up the next morning Cabbage was asleep next to me. I could feel his soft fur, and hear his little heart beating away. So cats hadn’t disappeared from the world. That meant that I was going to disappear from the world.

If I disappeared from the world… I tried to imagine what it would be like. I suppose it wouldn’t be the worst thing to have ever happened. Everyone dies eventually. The fatality rate is 100%. So when you think about it in that way, whether it’s a happy death or an unhappy death depends on how you’ve lived your life.

Again my mother’s words came back to me:

“In order to gain something you have to lose something.”

In exchange for my life, I made mobile phones, movies, and clocks disappear from the world, but I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of cats. I realize that it might seem stupid for me to give up my own life for cats. But that’s just the way it is. It’s who I am. There was a real possibility that I was some kind of idiot, but I really don’t get any satisfaction out of extending my life in exchange for other people losing something they hold very dear. For me, cats are no different from the sun and the ocean and the air we breathe. So I have decided to stop making things disappear from the world. I have decided to accept the life that has been given to me exactly as it is, even though it seemed like it would be on the rather short side. So that means that I’m going to die soon.

When Cabbage and I got home last night Aloha was waiting for us. He wore his usual loud outfit—Hawaiian shirt and shorts, with a pair of sporty sunglasses perched on his forehead. I was annoyed to see him, but on the other hand, a part of me found seeing the same old outfit almost reassuring. It’s kind of frightening how easily you get used to things.

“Hey, where the hell were you? I thought maybe you’d been spirited away or something. I was about to lodge a missing person’s report with the man upstairs.”

“Sorry.”

“Whoa there, what happened? Lost your mojo? You gotta jump right in there and get back into the groove.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK, it’s OK. No worries. Let’s just get on with it. Time to erase… you know what…”

Aloha pointed his finger at Cabbage and began humming a cheerful tune.

“I won’t do it.”

“Huh?”

“I said I won’t do it. I won’t make cats disappear.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I’m serious.”

I looked at Aloha’s surprised expression and couldn’t help laughing.

“What’s so funny? You’re gonna die, man. Are you sure about this?”

“Yes. I’m OK with that. I’m not going to make any more things disappear.”

“But you can live a lot longer.”

Aloha looked disappointed.

“Yeah, but just being alive doesn’t mean all that much on its own. How you live is more important.”

Aloha retreated into silence. Then after staring at my face for a long time he opened his mouth to speak.

“Well… looks like I’ve lost to God again. Man, humans! Can’t do anything with them.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing… forget it. It’s my loss. Go ahead and die if you want to!”

“Hey, that’s not nice! Although of course, I am going to die.”

I laughed, and then Aloha started to laugh too.

“Well, I guess we’ll be going our separate ways now, huh?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Strangely enough, I’m kind of sad.”

“Yeah, me too. You were a really interesting guy.”

“You too… a real funny devil!”

“Don’t get me started!”

“By the way, what does the Devil normally look like?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, actually, I don’t really have any one specific form.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Devil only exists in the hearts and minds of humans. Then you humans express that in lots of different forms. It’s kind of random. Like with horns and a pitchfork, or in the form of a dragon.”

“Ah, I see now.”

“Though I take particular exception to the horns and pitchfork—I mean, give me a break! It’s just bad taste, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, you’re right about that one.”

“I don’t like that look at all.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“So you see, the form I take all depends on your imagination. The devil in your heart looks just like you.”

“But your personality is totally different to mine.”

“Hmmm, yes. But I think that’s the important bit. In other words, I’m the person you could have been.”

“In what sense?”

“It’s the side of yourself that you never showed. You know, cheerful but shallow, wearing flashy clothes, doing whatever you wanted without worrying about what other people would think—saying whatever you want, no matter how inappropriate.”

“Yeah… the total opposite of me.”

“Right. I’m made up of all those little regrets in life. Like, what if, whenever you reached a fork in the road in life, you’d gone the other way? What would have happened? Who would you have become? That’s what the Devil is all about. It’s what you wanted to become but couldn’t. It’s both the closest thing and the farthest thing from who you are.”

“So… do you think I turned out OK?”

“Hey, I’m not exactly the best person to be putting that question to!”