Cecelia Ahern - How to Fall in Love

‘Hi, sweetheart.’ Amelia bounced up from her stool where she’d been reading to pass the time in the empty shop. She looked over my shoulder at Adam, who followed me in, and her pupils dilated at the sight of him.

‘I thought you were waiting in the car,’ I said.

‘You forgot to leave the window open for me,’ he said, poker-faced, looking around the shop.

‘Amelia, this is Adam. Adam, this is Amelia. Adam is … a client.’

‘Oh,’ Amelia said, disappointed.

I knew what I wanted and headed straight for the self-help section. Adam wandered around the shop, seeming dazed, withdrawn, looking but not really seeing.

‘He’s gorgeous,’ Amelia whispered.

‘He’s a client,’ I whispered back.

‘He’s gorgeous.’

I laughed. ‘Fred wouldn’t like to hear you say that.’

She studied her fingernails and lifted her eyebrows. ‘He’s asked me to go to the Pearl for lunch.’

‘The Pearl? That’s very fancy.’ I was confused by this, as Fred was not the spontaneous romantic type. Then it hit me. ‘He’s going to propose!’

Amelia couldn’t keep a straight face any more, clearly thinking the same thing. ‘I mean, he might not, he probably won’t, but you know …’

I gasped. ‘Oh my God, I’m so happy for you!’ We hugged excitedly.

‘It hasn’t happened yet.’ Amelia hit me. ‘Stop jinxing me.’

‘Can you put this on the tab?’

Amelia looked at my book selection. ‘ At last! Christine, that’s great,’ she said, with relief.

I frowned. ‘It’s not for me. What do you mean?’

‘Oh. Sorry. Nothing. No. It’s … Nothing.’ Her cheeks pinked and she changed the subject. ‘Barry called me last night.’

‘Oh?’ Fear flooded my body.

‘It was quite late. I think he’d had a few drinks.’

I nibbled on my nails.

Adam joined us. He was like a shark, sensing blood, he knew exactly when to be around me each time my life was being chipped away at.

‘I’m sure it wasn’t true, or maybe it was, but … but he shouldn’t have said it to me anyway. Whatever you two talk about together really should be kept private, even if it is about me, so I’m not blaming you for what you said about me.’ She looked hurt, her face contradicting everything she had said.

‘Amelia, what did he say?’

She took a deep breath and went for it. ‘He said that you think I’m a loser for living at home with my mother, that I need to get a life and move out. That I need to put her in a home and move in with Fred or else you wouldn’t be surprised if he left me.’

‘Oh my God.’ I hid my face with my hands. ‘I am so sorry he said that to you.’

‘It’s okay. I told him that I knew he was hurting but he was disgusting. I hope you don’t mind.’

‘No, that’s fine, you’re totally entitled to say what you like.’ My face was red and I knew it, revealing my guilt. I couldn’t deny that Barry and I had discussed those things, but how dare he tell Amelia. I wondered how many phone calls he’d made last night and how many truths he’d told to the people I loved, hurting them in order to hurt me.

Amelia waited for me to tell her it wasn’t true.

‘Look, I obviously didn’t phrase it like that .’

She looked offended.

‘I just worry that you’re always looking out for other people and not for yourself. That it would be nice for you and Fred to live together, to have a life together .’

‘But this is how it’s been since I was twelve, Christine, you know that.’ Amelia was becoming angry. ‘I’m not going to ship her off to a home while I go live the life fandango.’

‘I know, I know, but you haven’t even been out of the country … ever. You’ve never taken a holiday. That’s all I said – promise. I was worried about you.’

‘You don’t need to worry about me,’ she said, lifting her chin. ‘Fred is fine with the way things are. He understands.’

We were interrupted by the familiar sound of the bell. Amelia quickly excused herself to see to her mother. I left the shop with the book tucked in my bag, hidden away from Adam’s eyes, feeling worse than ever.

‘So now he’s ringing your friends. That’s smart,’ Adam said. ‘Your day keeps getting better and better.’

I put my chin up. ‘Yes, but you know it’s all about how you deal with it, Adam. Face it with positivity.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘I have a problem with that. For example, I think your friend shouldn’t be getting ahead of herself about her lunch today.’

‘You were listening.’

‘You were squealing.’

‘He’s taking her to the Pearl!’

‘So?’

‘Well, that’s where people propose.’

‘That’s also where people eat lunch. She shouldn’t get carried away before it happens. It might not happen.’

I sighed, feeling his energy draining me. ‘You know, that’s what we need to fix. You’re a negative thinker. You keep thinking about all the bad things that might happen all the time. Eventually you begin to make them happen. Are you aware of the laws of attraction?’ I thought about my run-in with Simon’s wife, how I had replayed that scene over and over in my head until it had eventually happened. ‘If you think life is crap, life will be crap.’

‘Again, I don’t think this is official therapist terminology.’

‘So go see a real therapist.’

‘No.’

We stepped inside and walked up the stairs to the first floor.

I stopped at the door to my office and struggled to get my key in. I tried another, then another, then another of the ten keys I had on the chain.

‘What are you, a prison warden?’

I ignored him and tried the next key.

‘Damn it. They’ve done it again. Come on.’ I trudged up the stairs.

My sisters and my dad were sitting around the meeting table in their office when we entered. Dad was perfectly turned out in a pin-stripe suit, pink shirt and tie and handkerchief. His shoes were black and highly polished, there wasn’t a hair out of place on his head, his fingernails were manicured and buffed so that there was a sheen from them. He was short and appeared more like a tailor than a solicitor.

‘I knew it was because she’d met another guy,’ Brenda said, snapping her fingers as soon as she saw Adam. ‘Jesus, Barry will die when he sees him. How’s his baldy little head going to compete with that?’ she referred to Adam’s mop of blond curls.

‘Hello, family,’ I said. ‘This is Adam – he’s a client . Adam, this is my dad, Michael, and the two witches are Brenda and Adrienne.’

‘Named after two of the witches who once lived here,’ Adrienne told him, then looked at me and added: ‘The third being Christine – so you are in fact one of us, no matter how much you try to flee.’

‘They had purple hair and smoked a lot,’ said Brenda, still scrutinising Adam.

‘They never married,’ Dad chipped in.

‘Lesbians,’ Adrienne said.

‘Were not,’ Brenda disagreed. ‘Adrienne was a slut. She was proposed to five times.’

‘By the same guy?’ I asked.

‘No. Different men,’ Dad said. ‘I think the third man went on to murder someone. But,’ he frowned, ‘I could be mistaking him for someone else.’

‘Slut,’ Brenda confirmed.

‘She didn’t sleep with them,’ Dad said. ‘Proposals were different in those days.’

‘Lesbian,’ Adrienne insisted.

I waited for them to finish. They played ‘slut or lesbian’ all the time with different people.

‘You think everyone is a lesbian because you’re one,’ Dad said to Adrienne.

‘I’m bisexual, Dad.’

‘You’ve had five girlfriends and one boyfriend. The man was an experiment. You’re a lesbian. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you will be able to settle down and have a normal family,’ he said.