Julian Fellowes - Past Imperfect

Peniston smiled. ‘Granny was frightfully excited when she spotted you. She’s terribly proud to know a real novelist. She’s read everything you’ve ever written.’›

‘I’m flattered.’ I was. And astonished. Suddenly it was less extraordinary that I’d been found among the crowd.

‘She just loves knowing a writer. Most of her friends have the greatest difficulty reading to the end of a restaurant bill.’ A pretty woman in her early thirties had joined us. ‘This is my wife, Anne.’

‘What he says is quite true. Roo’s thrilled you’re here. She’s got all your books, you know. I expect she’s lining them up for you to sign.’

‘She has only to ask.’ Since Lady Claremont’s interest in my work presumably implied an albeit slight interest in me, I was amused that in forty years she had never invited me to a single gathering either here at Gresham or in London, nor made the smallest attempt to reestablish contact. Why was that, if her fascination with my career was so great? At the time, my paranoia immediately attributed the cause to the Estoril evening, but I am fairly sure now that I was wrong. Occasionally one does come across this curious diffidence on the part of the posh and there is nothing sinister or deflating in it. I suppose it is the flip side of their tendency to patronise. They are still marking the absolute divide between their world and yours, but in this case it is demonstrated by a kind of modesty, a tacit recognition that their muscular, social powers may not always impress those who have other choices.

‘You’re missing everything.’ Andrew’s voice cut across our merriment, and we obediently turned our attention back to the fireworks. Fizz, bang, ooh. Fizz, bang, ooh. The display ended with what should have been a very impressive showing of the Gresham crest, a rearing lion holding a flag of some sort. In the event it didn’t quite work, as most of the lion’s head failed to ignite, rendering the image faintly macabre, but even so it delivered a reasonably big finish. And then it was over, and time for the guests, inside and out, those not staying the night anyway, to make their exit and not to take too long about it. I managed to find our hosts in the throng to thank them and say goodbye.

Lady Claremont was still smiling, with that glint in her eye. ‘We must get you down here. If you could ever spare the time.’

‘I’m down this weekend, so I must have some time to spare.’

‘Of course you are. With those funny people who’ve got Malton Towers.’ The phrase ‘those funny people’ told me everything I needed to know about Tarquin’s chances of ever getting in with the County. ‘One of Henry’s great-grandmothers grew up at Malton. He used to stay there quite often before the war. But you thought it was ghastly, didn’t you?’ She looked at her aged husband.

He nodded. ‘Coldest bloody house I ever entered. Cold food, cold baths, cold everything. I never had a wink of sleep in all the years I went there.’ It was easy to see that his lordship had had about enough of this interminable evening and was more than ready for bed, but he hadn’t quite finished. ‘They’re crackers to have taken it on. Ruined my cousins, ruined every organisation that came after them. And at least my relations had the land, much good did it do them. Your friends have just bought a bottomless pit.’ Actually, to me this sounded not only like fairly accurate reporting but also curiously reassuring. It is easy to forget, watching the Tarquins fling every last penny they possess into supporting some pseudo-aristocratic, gimcrack fantasy, that there are still people for whom these are normal houses in which normal lives should be led. If they’re uncomfortable then they’re uncomfortable and that’s that. Never mind the plasterwork or the Grinling Gibbons carving, or the ghost of Mary Stuart in the East Wing. There was a kind of no-nonsense quality to his dismissal of Malton Towers that seemed to earth my own experience of it, releasing me from reverence. At any rate Lord Claremont had said his piece and there didn’t seem much point in getting him to elaborate, so I nodded and moved on.

I caught sight of Serena in the hall. She was with her family and talking to Helena, who was looking a good deal older than her older sister. But she was friendly when we met again, kissing me and wishing me well, as I grinned across her at the object of my ancient and unrequited passions. Looking back I cannot quite explain why the sight of Serena that evening, far from making me sad as it might so easily have done, had in fact given me a terrific lift. I felt marvellous, giddy, tight, high, whatever Seventies word is most appropriate, at being reminded of how much I once could love. Still loved, really. A whole set of muscles that had atrophied through lack of use sprang to life again within my bosom. Rather as you are empowered by discovering an ace has been dealt you when you pick up the cards from the baize. Even if you never get a chance to play it, you know that you are the better and stronger for having an ace in your hand.

‘It’s been so lovely to see you,’ Serena said, sounding wonderfully as if she meant it.

‘I have enjoyed it.’ As I answered her I knew that my tone was strangely steady, almost cold, in fact, when I did not feel cold towards her in the least, very much the opposite. I cannot explain why, except to say that an Englishman of my generation will always protect himself against the risk of revealing his true feelings. It is his nature and he cannot fight it.

Again, she smiled her smile of the blessed. ‘We’re all fans, you know. We must try and get you down to Waverly.’

‘I’d love it. In the meantime, good luck with everything.’

We touched cheeks and I turned away. Stepping out of the front door, I had not gone more than a few paces when I heard Andrew’s indignant enquiry. ‘Good luck with what? What did he mean by that?’ I confess the temptation was too great and I sneaked back, staying out of sight from the front door.

‘He didn’t mean anything. Good luck. That’s all.’ Serena’s patient and modulated tones dealt with him as one might soothe a frisky horse or dog. ‘Good luck with life.’

‘What an extraordinary thing to say.’ He seemed to clear his throat to draw her attention to him. ‘I’m rather surprised to find him so effulgent and you so welcoming, after everything that happened.’

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake.’ They were alone now, or thought they were, and Serena’s tone was less careful. ‘Since the evening you speak of we’ve seen the fall of Communism, the Balkans in flames and the collapse of the British way of life. If we can survive all that, we can surely forget one drunken dinner that got out of hand, forty years ago-’ But by then, Bridget was pulling at my sleeve with a funny look, and I had to come away and out of earshot. If Andrew had more to contribute on the subject after Serena’s outburst it was lost to me. Not for the first time I wondered at how, among the upper classes particularly but perhaps in every section of society, extremely clever women live with very, very stupid men without the husbands’ ever apparently becoming aware of the sacrifice their wives are making daily.

‘That was the greatest treat,’ said Jennifer, as we nudged our way out of the gates and back on to the main road. ‘What luck we had you with us. Wasn’t it, darling?’

I didn’t expect an answer, as I realised that it was almost physically painful for Tarquin to acknowledge another’s superior power at any time. Most of all in his own would-be kingdom. But Jennifer remained looking fixedly at him, driving through the side of her right eye, until he managed a sort of grudging response. ‘Good show,’ he muttered, or something along those lines. I couldn’t really hear.