Chris Cleave - Incendiary

Sky put on their test card. It was just a black background and the Sky logo and a message that said WHY NOT UPGRADE TO SKY DIGITAL? Yes I thought. Why not?

Jasper Black was pulling his trousers on. He tripped over and stood up again he was saying Oh god this is just too horrible. He tripped again he couldn’t make his arms and legs do what he wanted. I stood up and I went over to the telly and changed channels to the BBC. I was cold. I was wearing only my birthday suit.

It was Grandstand on the BBC and they were showing the racing. It was nice to see those horses scampering round on the soft green grass. Things looked very neat and tidy at Lingfield or Chepstow or wherever it was. No blood no fire just miles and miles of nice clean white fence. It was like fish fingers it was a great comfort always the same round and round forever and ever amen. But then the horses vanished and Sophie Raworth was just sitting down in the newsroom. Her skin was very pale. She didn’t have her nice orange makeup on and she looked like the ghost of Sophie Raworth it made me nervous. She looked at the wrong camera and she fiddled with the thing in her ear. News is just coming in she said.

—Come on. Let’s go.

—Go where? said Jasper. I must get to the paper it’ll be all hands to the pump this is huge.

—Bollocks to the Sunday bloody Telegraph . My husband and my boy are at that game.

—Oh my god, said Jasper. Yes of course they are.

—You can take me in your car.

—I’m afraid there’s no chance, said Jasper. All the roads will be completely blocked.

—I don’t think you heard me. My husband and my boy are at that game. I need to get them home.

I was crying now and I couldn’t see straight. I was shaking I was thinking please god don’t let them be hurt. Jasper Black looked at me standing there all skin and pubes and tears. Then he looked at Sophie Raworth on the telly and he looked at the clock.

—3:30, he said. We don’t go to press for another 6 hours.

I was thinking please god don’t let them be hurt or if they must be hurt please make it so it’s only a little bit. Please god it would be alright if one of them had a cut or something. Even a broken arm. But not the boy okay? I don’t want him hurt. If there must be a broken arm oh god it ought to be my husband he’s a strong bloke he could handle it. He’d make the best of it he’d have a plaster cast and all his mates would sign it. I looked at Jasper Black.

—Please. Please. I need you to take me to the stadium.

—Look, he said. The emergency services can handle this. They don’t need people getting in their way.

—You don’t understand. My husband’s leaving the force. He’s going to tell his boss first thing Monday morning. We’re going to be safe. Please help me get them home. Him and the boy. So I can make them their tea. Please please please.

I was howling now I was standing in front of the telly with my arms crossed over my tits and there was snot coming out of my nose.

—Oh god, said Jasper. Look at you you poor thing. I’m being a complete prick of course I’ll drive you there. You mustn’t worry I’m sure they’re both fine.

—Thank you oh thank you I just need to get them back here that’s all.

—Yes of course, said Jasper.

He looked very serious. I went to the front door.

—Stop, he said. You’re not wearing anything.

I looked down at myself.

—Oh yeah.

I went back to the kitchen and pulled on my clothes. My jeans had ketchup on from where my boy squirted the bottle too hard at breakfast.

—Oh dear these aren’t very clean. I’ll just go and change them.

—No, said Jasper. If we’re going we must go now.

The street was empty. Everyone was inside watching their tellies it was just me and Jasper Black out there. We got into his car. Like my husband said it was a lovely motor but I didn’t really notice. I was thinking what I was going to make for tea when we all got safely back. Chicken nuggets probably. Jasper Black started the motor. It didn’t sound like our Astra it sounded angry it made me tremble. We drove off fast. The tyres squeaked and we flew over all the speed bumps. It didn’t matter on account of any other cars there were had pulled over to listen to their radios. We drove past Jesus Green and nobody was walking their dogs there. We turned onto Columbia Road and there was nobody shopping. No wasters drinking cider from cans and no yummie mummies pushing their babies in 3-wheel buggies.

—It was like this when Charles and Di got married.

—What on earth are you talking about? said Jasper Black.

—The empty streets. The Royal Wedding. I was only a little girl but I remember the streets were empty like this. Everyone was inside watching it on telly weren’t they? I went out in the middle of it to get sweets and it was just like this. It was like the world had stopped. Then it was like this again when she died wasn’t it? Everyone stayed inside. Nobody could believe it. We were all watching the news.

—Yes, said Jasper Black. Well listen it isn’t Diana this time it’s something quite else. I think you need to prepare yourself mentally. I really don’t know if it’s a good idea me taking you there like this. I don’t know if it’s the right thing for you.

—Don’t worry about me. It can’t be as bad as when Diana died. And we all got through that didn’t we?

Jasper Black just looked at me.

—Why don’t you take a few deep breaths? he said.

We were racing through Hoxton when I saw it. The tower of smoke ahead of us. It must of been miles away still but it was so tall. I followed it down from very high in the blue sky getting darker and darker as it got nearer the ground. Near the top it just seemed to drift but at the bottom before it disappeared behind the tower blocks you could see the black smoke boiling. It looked angry and urgent like it was late for something.

—Deep deep breaths, said Jasper. Just keep breathing for me there’s a good girl.

We turned onto the New North Road. I watched the tower of smoke growing bigger dead ahead while Jasper Black drove us like crazy. When we got onto Canonbury Road there were cars and buses just stopped in the middle of the street. People had their doors open they were standing there listening to their radios and watching the smoke. Jasper Black swerved round all of them. The tyres screeched the motor roared and we kept going but it was getting tight. There were coppers at Highbury and Islington. They had the Holloway Road all closed off with cones and bikes with their lights going but we managed to get off up Highbury Crescent and into the backstreets.

The tower of smoke was bigger now. It was fat and horrible. Great sheets of black were blowing off it and spreading all around us. It was starting to get dark. Jasper Black turned the headlights on and got the wipers going. He pressed some button on the dashboard to stop the outside air coming into the car but it was no good. I started coughing and so did he. He slowed down and we weaved through all these ambulances that were stopped on Bryantwood Road and then we had to stop too. We didn’t have a choice. There was a girl lying in the road.

We’d sped up again just before I saw her. We were nearly on top of her. Stop stop stop I shouted. Jasper stamped on the brakes and turned the wheel hard. The brakes locked and we skidded sideways up the street. I was looking out of the window on my side. I was watching the girl coming closer and closer. Her eyes were open staring into the sky. She wasn’t moving. She was wearing a Chelsea shirt. I remember thinking it would be a shame if we hit her. Even if she was only a Chelsea fan.

The next thing I remember was Jasper pulling me out of his motor. There was this huge crushing thing in the front seat with me. It was all pushed into my face and my tits and it was hurting me. I could hardly breathe.